I asked a girl out next friday, I havn't done so for a long time and I'm so afraid I will blow it and she won't like me after it... I mean what is a date else than a job interview that lasts all night (okey it's not a big chance everyone will end up naked at the end of a job interview but other than that.... [img]smile.gif[/img] )
I really like her and all, but how can I know if she likes me?

One part of me says that it will be great, the other keeps telling me she will be bored, no matter what I try.
Sorry guys, I'm a neural shipwreck right now. help...!

One good step is to forget about the nekkid at the end of the night thing and just be yourself. Let the rest take care of itself. If it isn't going to work, you can't make it...and if it is a good match, then there isn't any need to "try"

well what happened to me was the same... but when you're there... i am sure you will know what to do... i know from experience... but of course, the main objective, no matter how business like or whatever, is to have fun ;)

Just go for it! Try to make yourself look forward to it as a great night out, and if you manage that, it will definitely show to her. If you're not confident, just fake it, and you'll notice that you'll actually start to believe in it, and so will she! [img]smile.gif[/img]
Lots of luck!

What common intrests do you have with each other? I suggest finding one before you go out so you will both have a good time. Dancing, sports, shopping, movies????? She will be "checking you out" but dont concentrait on that. Its just a date ;)

dont EVER try to be yourself

instead, try to be someone else. that makes you less nerveous. when you get laid, then you can go back to your normal self...

ok just kidding about the later part. just be someone else, that is my advice. I am tired and sick of hearing "be yourself" instead, try to focus on something less serious, light hearted stuff. after all, successfully being someone else is part of yourself [img]tongue.gif[/img]

ha! but that other part usually doesn't end up with the girl 250... you usually shed off the outer layer then go deeper... etc...

here's a hint: be yourself. but no, not as 250 said it... but here's the hitch, put a lil mystery in it. she will be puzzled and would like to examine you more... ;)

no no no, that is still same old common advice, girls hate being general. so try to be someone else instead, and when she found out you are acting, and you constructively make a commitement to change, she'd feel good, and start to take interest for your honesty-in-shy-way and cute-stupidty

that way, you will get it!

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by 250:
no no no, that is still same old common advice, girls hate being general. so try to be someone else instead, and when she found out you are acting, and you constructively make a commitement to change, she'd feel good, and start to take interest for your honesty-in-shy-way and cute-stupidty

that way, you will get it!<hr></blockquote>

At best this approach is manipulation. At worst, deception. Either one is no good.

tsk, tsk, Leo. I thought I taught you better.....

You kids are silly [img]smile.gif[/img] heheh if you are anything but yourself, it wont work and will bring nothing but more pain to you in the long run.

It is way way way WAY easier to just be you and then you will meet someone who likes who you are....and so its more likely to work...failed relationships are not worth the time and effort..so why not go for what will work...and what will work is something based on what is real. Unless your just looking to get laid, if that is the case it is easier to just go to a club and pick up a horny babe or dude (as the case may be) and have at it..you both get what you're looking for..its shallow but some people like it that way.

Be true to yourself and her, I have seen to many people Lie
about thing's that they have done only to have the truth come
out later. There is nothing worse then being in a relationship and
finding out that most the info she/he gave you was a big fat LIE.
So to drum an old tune "Be yourself" :D you will be glad that you
did.
My wife and I have been married/ together for eight year's and she
alway's know's when I'm fudging the truth a little and vise versa,
because we've been honest with eachother from the get go. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
So good luck to ya, and happy chase.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Jorath Calar:
[QB]I mean what is a date else than a job interview that lasts all night (okey it's not a big chance everyone will end up naked at the end of a job interview but other than that.... [img]smile.gif[/img] )
QB]<hr></blockquote>

LOL!
Been watchin Seinfeld, aye ;)
Don't follow any of his advice [img]smile.gif[/img]

My advice is: Try to over-whelm her!
Pick her up in a limo, have 50 roses waitng for her at the place you're gonna be ( a resturant for example), wear a really falshy jacket, an so on!
If you do this, she will have so many impressions that she just have to see you again!
And that is always good ;)
The only risk witht his one, is that she might get disappointed if you don't do something like that again.
But on the second date I suggest you try something romantic..
Like renting a boat (size doesn't matter [img]smile.gif[/img] ) and going for a little romantic ride + dinner at the boat.

And trust me, this works, I've tried it myself :D

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Sir ReGiN:


My advice is: Try to over-whelm her!
Pick her up in a limo, have 50 roses waitng for her at the place you're gonna be ( a resturant for example), wear a really falshy jacket, an so on!
<hr></blockquote>

Well I can guarantee that if any bloke did this to me, there would be no 'nekked' EVER, let alone at the end of the evening.
I hate this stuff. I'm not interested in your wallet, a limo, roses, flashy clothes, these things mean nothing. It would make me feel really uncomfortable actually, and I would think that the man in question was trying too hard to impress and it just would strike me as being false.
Good film and a veg curry would go down much better. ;)

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Epona:


Well I can guarantee that if any bloke did this to me, there would be no 'nekked' EVER, let alone at the end of the evening.
I hate this stuff. I'm not interested in your wallet, a limo, roses, flashy clothes, these things mean nothing. It would make me feel really uncomfortable actually, and I would think that the man in question was trying too hard to impress and it just would strike me as being false.
Good film and a veg curry would go down much better. ;) <hr></blockquote>

Hear, hear!!
Why is it that men seem to think they know these things better than females?? [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img] I think there wouldn't be a single woman impressed by that sort of bragging unless she was only after your money [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Really, just don't make such a big deal out of it, I think that in itself is off-putting already. Just be confident and friendly and be yourself!

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Epona:


Well I can guarantee that if any bloke did this to me, there would be no 'nekked' EVER, let alone at the end of the evening.
I hate this stuff. I'm not interested in your wallet, a limo, roses, flashy clothes, these things mean nothing. It would make me feel really uncomfortable actually, and I would think that the man in question was trying too hard to impress and it just would strike me as being false.
Good film and a veg curry would go down much better. ;) <hr></blockquote>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Melusine:


Hear, hear!!
Why is it that men seem to think they know these things better than females?? [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img] I think there wouldn't be a single woman impressed by that sort of bragging unless she was only after your money [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Really, just don't make such a big deal out of it, I think that in itself is off-putting already. Just be confident and friendly and be yourself!<hr></blockquote>


Lol..
Guess you both got me there..
To be honest..it actually just worked once, and the other time I tried it, she reacted the same way you did [img]smile.gif[/img]
I just thought he might try it..

Another woman who just MUST chime in here....

Jorath, smack these guys and listen to the ladies here...

A woman worth being with isn't impressed by flashy cars and roses. We are impressed by honesty. (although a little romance doesn't hurt ;) ). I would rather go for dinner and a walk in a park or along the beach than the 'limo and roses' thing.

If you were to be so flashy - 1. she'll think you 'expect' something in return (which is abominable) and 2. (if she IS impressed by it) she'll expect that all the time (which will ensure you will always be broke).

And Leo - I'm sorry for you, hon. Apparently, you just haven't found the 'right' girl, then, if you feel you can't be who you are....*hugs*

Final warning: No woman likes to be lied to. How would you like to date someone only to find out she'd lied to you about herself? Think about it....

Concentrate on having a good time, rather than impressing her. Make sure you're going to be doing something you and her both like, because you'll find that if you're enjoying yourself, she probably will be too. Don't put on an act, it's pointless, trust me, I've tried it and it doesn't work. Be sweet, considerate, and make sure you both have a laugh together, because it's important that she feels comfortable with you. And put the nekkidness out of your head, it'll only distract you on the night ;)

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Arledrian:
Concentrate on having a good time, rather than impressing her. Make sure you're going to be doing something you and her both like, because you'll find that if you're enjoying yourself, she probably will be too. Don't put on an act, it's pointless, trust me, I've tried it and it doesn't work. Be sweet, considerate, and make sure you both have a laugh together, because it's important that she feels comfortable with you. And put the nekkidness out of your head, it'll only distract you on the night ;) <hr></blockquote>

I knew there was a reason I liked you! ;)
*HUGS*
Finally, a young man with some sense! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Sir ReGiN:



Lol..
Guess you both got me there..
To be honest..it actually just worked once, and the other time I tried it, she reacted the same way you did [img]smile.gif[/img]
I just thought he might try it..<hr></blockquote>

Teehee, I knew it, you faker you!! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] ;)
Melusine and DragonMage made some great points. Now if I was taken out for a movie and a veg curry, a single red rose as a romantic gesture might go down OK, as long as there was no cheesy presentation ;)

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by DragonMage:


I knew there was a reason I liked you! ;)
*HUGS*
Finally, a young man with some sense! [img]tongue.gif[/img] <hr></blockquote>


Thank you for your kind words. It's nice to be appreciated ;)

dont ask her what she wants to do. make sure you have a game plan, and stick to it. she will respect you for that. of course, try to pick things that you will BOTH enjoy. do something that you think nobody else has tried with her. dont go to a movie, etc. take her paintballing, or go to a karate class, and let her beat you, you know, something outta the norm. dont try to kiss her.......at all. not even at the end of the date. this SHOULD show her that you arent after that one thing, even if you are. let her be the one to kiss you. unless you get the feeling that she wants you too. then go for it. if she says something along the lines of "if you come with me upstairs.... you WILL get laid!!!!!", that is a good sign. or it could be a test, so i wouldnt do it right off. and yes, that last statement WAS from the wedding singer.

anywho, the point is, be a gentleman, or the opposite if that is her thing, and be different in what you do with her. and make sure you have at least the greater part of the evening planned out, and stick to it. that SHOULD work, at least in my experiences. hope all goes well, and if it didnt do to my advice, i am truly sorry.

oh yeah, and when i say "GENTLEMAN" i dont mean stuffy like. i mean just be considerate, and understanding. dont ignore her, pay attention, etc. and the thing about her saying "if you come upstairs.......etc", that was a joke. i have NEVER had a one night stand. most girls who give it up on the first date are sluts, and not worth the time. if that is what you are looking for however, then by all means, do it.

and this is something i hate. im not a smoker. i went on a date that smoked worse than firekragg. i hated it. she stunk, and it ruined my night. if she doesnt smoke, or shoot heroin, or smoke weed, or anything, dont do it around HER. and dont ask her if she does first either. that stuff shouldnt be done anyway, but especially in this situation. if you wouldnt like it, dont do it. that is my motto.

<font color="skyblue">
Let me explain my philosophy with you on what I found successful.

A person generally likes the opportunity to talk about themselves. Their goals, dreams, etc. If they find someone who is genuinly interested in what they have to say, they enjoy it very much and will think to themselves.."I like talking to him, because he listens, but does not try to solve my problems...and has interesting feedback.
I pride myself on the ability to talk to anyone about anything. But my ability is better on women than on men. Men are harder to talk to, because they tend to not have the concern and understanding a woman does. If you show this girl that you are not the same as the others...that you are not a stereotypical guy...she will like that.
>Warning...If you and your mother do not get along...don't let her know that. A woman watches how a guy treats his own mother.
Do not be overy silent. She will think you are not enjoying yourself if you are too bashful and quiet. Yet do not dominate the conversation. You have to decide if she is a dominate conversationalist or not. If she is, then share the time. If she is quiet...take the lead, slowly and easily.
Do not make fun of other people and do not behave like a child out in public. Do not embarrase her by being a boy. She wants to see the man in you. She wants to see if you are the type to be successful in life, have a bright future ahead of you, etc. A woman wants security, afterall. If she seems to be the self-sufficient type...fine...don't allow her to think that she tops you. Be her match. Do not top her abilities nor fall under them.
Be her equal.

That is how I do it, anyway... ;) </font>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Epona:


Well I can guarantee that if any bloke did this to me, there would be no 'nekked' EVER, let alone at the end of the evening.
I hate this stuff. I'm not interested in your wallet, a limo, roses, flashy clothes, these things mean nothing. It would make me feel really uncomfortable actually, and I would think that the man in question was trying too hard to impress and it just would strike me as being false.
Good film and a veg curry would go down much better. ;) <hr></blockquote>

Ohh my Epona too bad you aren't older and available..finaly a woman who isn't checkin for the size of your wallet [img]smile.gif[/img] I cant tell you how many women I have met lately who are only interested in when I can take them to the islands :(

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MagiK:


Ohh my Epona too bad you aren't older and available..... <hr></blockquote>

That's funny, often here on IW I find myself wishing for some of those here to be younger and availiable......

Wow, thanks guys, you've been a lot of help... well specially the ladies [img]smile.gif[/img] . I was just joking about that "getting naked" part in my first post, that is not what I'm after at all. Not at first anyway. I just like her very much and want to get to know her better, and would never even think about lying to her.
We have talked about going to the movies (Sorry Morgan, I know it's lame [img]smile.gif[/img] ) and then going to a coffee house or something like that...
Now I'm just going to look forward to it and then enjoy myself.
Thanks guys, you are the best [img]smile.gif[/img]

Errr - I'm older and available.....

Oh, and despite rumours to the contrary, Scotsmen are generous, warm hearted, loyal and make intense and inventive lovers [img]graemlins/wow.gif[/img]

Best of luck Jorath, your plan seems fine [img]graemlins/wavey.gif[/img]

Jorath, good luck and have fun!!!!! [img]smile.gif[/img]
Oh, and IMO, going to a movie isn't lame at all! If you both like going to movies, it's a good choice, because you'll both feel comfortable and enjoy yourselves! plus it gives you something to talk about in that coffeehouse ;)


Mouse... Oooooh.... that sounds tempting... too bad I saw those Velcro gloves in your cupboard! [img]tongue.gif[/img]
So here's a warning: Never date Scotsmen, ladies! ;)

Well I don't think the movies are lame either, but Morgan suggested I took her paintballing or karate lessons and going to the movie just doesn't sound as exciting compared to that [img]smile.gif[/img]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Jorath Calar:
Well I don't think the movies are lame either, but Morgan suggested I took her paintballing or karate lessons and going to the movie just doesn't sound as exciting compared to that [img]smile.gif[/img] <hr></blockquote>

Well, but he's a guy and I'm a girl, so whose advice would you rather take? ;)
Personally, I'd much sooner go to a movie with a guy than go paintballing.... though I do like lasershooting [img]tongue.gif[/img] :D

Anyway, whatever you plan will be fine as long as you both enjoy it.... again, good luck! [img]smile.gif[/img]

I'd never doubt womans word... specially not yours Mel

:D

Well if your nervous the obvious solution is to show up drunk! Try not to be too stumbling drunk though, that tends to turn them off for some reason. Dunno why. Yes more useless advice from the Lord of Alcohol [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Here's a couple little secrets that an older guy has picked up on. Make your first date a TALKING date. Do something somewhere you can talk. Like dinner and drinks, followed by a scenic walk or drive. Clubs and movies don't really give you a chance to know each other. DO NOT GET DRUNK OR EVEN MILDLY INEBRIATED!!!!! At the same time, don't be scared to have a drink. Just show self-control. Make sure and do a little light touching to make sure she knows you're interested. I don't mean grabbing and pinching now! A light hand on her shoulder or arm while you are seating her. A quick touch on the hand while you are talking during dinner. Occasionally put your hand on her back while you are walking. Keep the talking light mooded. Don't discuss seious things or problems. Act as though you don't have a care in the world. Smile and listen a lot. Ask non-invasive questions about her. Joke a bit if you can.

Finally, the test to determine her interest level in you by the end of the night. Try and give her a kiss goodnight. If she likes you, you will get a kiss back with some passion. If she turns her cheek *OUCH!*, smile and say goodbye instead of goodnight, because this relationship isn't going anywhere.


Ladies, what do you think? Good advice?

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Sir Kenyth:
Make your first date a TALKING date. Do something somewhere you can talk. Like dinner and drinks, followed by a scenic walk or drive. Clubs and movies don't really give you a chance to know each other. DO NOT GET DRUNK OR EVEN MILDLY INEBRIATED!!!!! <hr></blockquote>

Sir Kenyth - you just beat me to it.

I would say that first and foremost, if you like this girl, you will want to find out about her and have her know more about you, therefore... DON'T go to a film, concert, paintballing. Go somewhere quietish but with enough going on so that you can comment if the conversation dries up.

Have a couple of questions lined up to break the ice. Yes, it might be corny but first impressions do count and you don't want to put your foot in your mouth as I tend to when I'm nervous.

Other tips - hold the door open for her and let her go first - it's not sexist, just good manners.

Don't wear gallons of aftershave.

Get a friendly female to approve what you plan to wear.

Make sure she has a means to get back home safely.

Be yourself, start off on the basis which you want to continue on.

One point, I disagree with Kenyth on is the kissing thing. Just because she won't play tonsil hockey on the first date doesn't mean she isn't attracted to you or deserves the cold shoulder. Sometimes, I've snogged on the first date, sometimes I haven't. Depends on her confidence, hormones, wind direction, mood, weather, etc. If you like her and it goes well, call her the next day. Women like being pursued - it's good for our egos [img]tongue.gif[/img]

And finally, enjoy yourself, it's meant to be fun you know. If she isn't everything you hoped for then at least you had some good experience and a pleasant evening ;)

Good luck [img]smile.gif[/img]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Tabitha Silverwill:


Sir Kenyth - you just beat me to it.

One point, I disagree with Kenyth on is the kissing thing. Just because she won't play tonsil hockey on the first date doesn't mean she isn't attracted to you or deserves the cold shoulder. Sometimes, I've snogged on the first date, sometimes I haven't. Depends on her confidence, hormones, wind direction, mood, weather, etc. If you like her and it goes well, call her the next day. Women like being pursued - it's good for our egos [img]tongue.gif[/img]

And finally, enjoy yourself, it's meant to be fun you know. If she isn't everything you hoped for then at least you had some good experience and a pleasant evening ;)

Good luck [img]smile.gif[/img] <hr></blockquote>

You misunderstand! I don't mean tonsil hockey or making out. I mean a nice kiss on the lips to end the evening. If you are truly interested in the guy, you won't deny him a little smooch before parting. I'll bet the dates you "snogged" on were the one's where you REALLY liked the guy you had a date with. As a guy, I think I deserve an interest level from my date about as high as mine in her. If my date has a flagging interest level in me, she will likely date me just long enough to find a guy who interests her more. It's a tricky thing, sniffing out dead ends before investing too much hope in them. Tell me, if a guy refused a smooch from you, what would you think?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Dragonmage!!!!!
what you talking about? I was just kidding! geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh, I know you said that because you dont really know whats going on in my life, but me and Gina love each other very much, alright? she is pretty right by my judgement

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Sir Kenyth:


I'll bet the dates you "snogged" on were the one's where you REALLY liked the guy you had a date with. As a guy, I think I deserve an interest level from my date about as high as mine in her. If my date has a flagging interest level in me, she will likely date me just long enough to find a guy who interests her more. It's a tricky thing, sniffing out dead ends before investing too much hope in them. Tell me, if a guy refused a smooch from you, what would you think?<hr></blockquote>

My current partner had to wait for the third date before we snogged [img]smile.gif[/img] I'm worth waiting for [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] In actual fact, the reason for it was curiousity, self defence, shyness and not reading each other's signals properly. I was very interested but have matured (grand old age of 29 you see) which means that the other person's personality and attitude need sussing out before I give any ambiguous signals, like kissing. He got a kiss on the cheek, twice - he was blooming honoured ;)

I agree that if 2 19 year olds go on a date and liked each other, it would be unusual for them not to have kissed by the end.

In response to your last question, as a slightly world worn OAP, I wouldn't attempt to "smooch" a man unless I was sure that my advances wouldn't be spurned - the self defence thing again, you see. Rejection hurts so one avoids situations that are more likely to lead to it. Probably sound awfully repressed but it was a very tough first half of year as far as relationships go.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by 250:
dont EVER try to be yourself

instead, try to be someone else. that makes you less nerveous. when you get laid, then you can go back to your normal self...

ok just kidding about the later part. just be someone else, that is my advice. I am tired and sick of hearing "be yourself" instead, try to focus on something less serious, light hearted stuff. after all, successfully being someone else is part of yourself [img]tongue.gif[/img] <hr></blockquote>

Excellent answer! Be someone completely different. When I daydream, I NEVER daydream about being me. If I did, I might as well just go do the laundry. Be a spy... or an archeologist like Indiana Jones... or a Mason. Or you could be me and go vacuum the lounge.

Thanks Kenyth and Tabitha. Both Excelent advices.
This girl is everything I hoped for...(well what I know of her so far) My concern is...(or was, I'm kinda past that now) wether I'm anything she hopes for.

It's only 8 hours now till I see her, I'll tell you how it went tomorrow [img]smile.gif[/img]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MagiK:


Ohh my Epona too bad you aren't older and available..<hr></blockquote>

Wow, that's a compliment... at least I can count my grey hairs on one hand still (I'm 30). I'm not available though ;) ;)