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Somehow I missed his request at the end of the "More Monty Python" thread:
http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/No...ML/004083.html Scene 15: Bloody Boring Prophets The sketch: BLOOD & THUNDER PROPHET: ...And the bezan shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures, and the whore of Babylon shall ride forth on a three-headed serpent, and throughout the lands, there'll be a great rubbing of parts. Yeeah... FALSE PROPHET: ...For the demon shall bear a nine-bladed sword. Nine-bladed! Not two or five or seven, but nine, which he will wield on all wretched sinners, sinners just like you, sir, there, and the horns shall be on the head, with which he will... BORING PROPHET: ...Obadiah, his servants. There shall, in that time, be rumours of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi-- with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Yea, it is written in the book of Cyril that, in that time, shall the third one... BRIAN: How much? Quick. HARRY THE HAGGLER: What? BRIAN: It's for the wife. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Oh. Uhhh, twenty shekels. BRIAN: Right. HARRY THE HAGGLER: What? BRIAN: There you are. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Wait a minute. BRIAN: What? HARRY THE HAGGLER: Well, we're-- we're supposed to haggle. BRIAN: No, no. I've got to get-- HARRY THE HAGGLER: What do you mean, 'no, no, no'? BRIAN: I haven't time. I've got-- HARRY THE HAGGLER: Well, give it back, then. BRIAN: No, no, no. I just paid you. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Burt! BURT: Yeah? HARRY THE HAGGLER: This bloke won't haggle. BURT: Won't haggle?! BRIAN: All right. Do we have to? HARRY THE HAGGLER: Now, look. I want twenty for that. BRIAN: I-- I just gave you twenty. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Now, are you telling me that's not worth twenty shekels? BRIAN: No. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Look at it. Feel the quality. That's none of your goat. BRIAN: All right. I'll give you nineteen then. HARRY THE HAGGLER: No, no, no. Come on. Do it properly. BRIAN: What? HARRY THE HAGGLER: Haggle properly. This isn't worth nineteen. BRIAN: Well, you just said it was worth twenty. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Ohh, dear. Ohh, dear. Come on. Haggle. BRIAN: Huh. All right. I'll give you ten. HARRY THE HAGGLER: That's more like it. Ten?! Are you trying to insult me?! Me, with a poor dying grandmother?! Ten?! BRIAN: All right. I'll give you eleven. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Now you're gettin' it. Eleven?! Did I hear you right?! Eleven?! This cost me twelve. You want to ruin me?! BRIAN: Seventeen? HARRY THE HAGGLER: No, no, no, no. Seventeen. BRIAN: Eighteen? HARRY THE HAGGLER: No, no. You go to fourteen now. BRIAN: All right. I'll give you fourteen. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Fourteen?! Are you joking?! BRIAN: That's what you told me to say. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Ohh, dear. BRIAN: Ohh, tell me what to say. Please! HARRY THE HAGGLER: Offer me fourteen. BRIAN: I'll give you fourteen. HARRY THE HAGGLER: He's offering me fourteen for this! BRIAN: Fifteen! HARRY THE HAGGLER: Seventeen. My last word. I won't take a penny less, or strike me dead. BRIAN: Sixteen. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Done. Nice to do business with you. BRIAN: Huh. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Tell you what. I'll throw you in this as well. BRIAN: I don't want it, but thanks. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Burt! BURT: Yeah? BRIAN: All right! All right. All right. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Now, where's the sixteen you owe me? BRIAN: I just gave you twenty. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Oh, yeah. That's right. That's four I owe you, then. BRIAN: Well, that's all right. That's fine. That's fine. HARRY THE HAGGLER: No. Hang on. I've got it here somewhere. BRIAN: That's all right. That's four for the gourd. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Four? For this gourd? Four?! Look at it. It's worth ten if it's worth a shekel. BRIAN: But you just gave it to me for nothing. HARRY THE HAGGLER: Yes, but it's worth ten! BRIAN: All right. All right. HARRY THE HAGGLER: No, no, no, no. It's not worth ten. You're supposed to argue, 'Ten for that? You must be mad!' Ohh, well. sniff One born every minute. Scene 19: Brian Denies Messianic Attributes The sketch: holy music FOLLOWERS: ...Master! Master! Look! Master! Master!... BRIAN: Hey! Is there another way down? Is there another path down to the river? SIMON THE HOLY MAN: Mmmmmmm. BRIAN: Please! Please help me! I've got to get-- SIMON: Mm. whump Oh, my foot! Oh! BRIAN: Shhhh. SIMON: Oh, damn, damn, damn! BRIAN: Well, I'm sorry. Shhh. SIMON: Oh, damn, damn, and blast it! BRIAN: I'm sorry. Shhhh! SIMON: Don't you 'shhhh' me. Eighteen years of total silence, and you 'shhhh' me! BRIAN: What? SIMON: I've kept my vow for eighteen years. Not a single, recognisable, articulate sound has passed my lips. BRIAN: Oh, please. Could you be quiet for another five minutes? SIMON: Oh, it doesn't matter now. I might as well enjoy myself. The times in the last eighteen years I've wanted to shout and sing and... BRIAN: Shhhh. SIMON: ...scream my name out! Oh, I'm alive! BRIAN: Shhh. SIMON: Hava Nagila! BRIAN: Shhh. SIMON: Hava Nagila! Hava Nagila, ha ha ha! Look out. Oh, I'm alive! I'm alive! Hello birds! Hello trees! I'm alive! Get off. I'm alive! Hava Nagila. Hava n'ra n'-- FOLLOWERS: Master! The Master! Master! Master!... SHOE FOLLOWER: The Master! Aha. He is here! FRANK: Master! ELSIE: The Gourd has led us... ARTHUR: The shoe has led us to Him! FOLLOWERS: The shoe!... ARTHUR: The shoe has brought us! ARTHUR and HARRY: Speak! FOLLOWERS: Shhhhh! ARTHUR and HARRY: Speak to us, Master! Speak to us! BRIAN: Go away! FOLLOWERS: A blessing! A blessing! ARTHUR: How shall we go away, Master?! BRIAN: Oh, just go away! Leave me alone! SHOE FOLLOWER: Give us a sign! ARTHUR: He has given us a sign! He has brought us to this place! BRIAN: I didn't bring you here! You just followed me! SHOE FOLLOWER: Oh, it's still a good sign by any standard. ARTHUR: Master! Your people have walked many miles to be with You! They are weary and have not eaten. BRIAN: It's not my fault they haven't eaten! ARTHUR: There is no food in this high mountain! BRIAN: Well, what about the juniper bushes over there? ELSIE: Hhhh! FOLLOWERS: Heh! A miracle! A miracle! Ohh!... SHOE FOLLOWER: He has made the bush fruitful by His words. YOUTH: They have brought forth juniper berries. BRIAN: Of course they've brought forth juniper berries! They're juniper bushes! What do you expect?! ELSIE: Show us another miracle! ARTHUR: Do not tempt Him, shallow ones! Is not the miracle of the juniper bushes enough?! SIMON: I say, those are my juniper bushes. ARTHUR: They are a gift from God! SIMON: They're all I've bloody got to eat. Uhm. I say, get off those bushes! Go on! Clear off, the lot of you. Go on. HARRY: Lord! I am affected by a bald patch. BLIND MAN: I am healed! The Master has healed me! BRIAN: I didn't touch him! BLIND MAN: I was blind, and now I can see! Aargh! whump FOLLOWERS: A miracle! A miracle! A miracle! SIMON: Tell them to stop it. I hadn't said a word for eighteen years till he came along. ELSIE: Hhh! FOLLOWERS: A miracle! He is the Messiah! SIMON: Well, he hurt my foot! FOLLOWERS: Hurt my foot, Lord! Hurt my foot. Hurt mine... ARTHUR: Hail Messiah! BRIAN: I'm not the Messiah! ARTHUR: I say You are, Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few. FOLLOWERS: Hail Messiah! BRIAN: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly! GIRL: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity. BRIAN: What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah! FOLLOWERS: He is! He is the Messiah! BRIAN: Now, f*** off! silence ARTHUR: How shall we f*** off, O Lord? BRIAN: Oh, just go away! Leave me alone. SIMON: You told these people to eat my juniper berries. You break my bloody foot. You break my vow of silence, and then you try and clean up on my juniper bushes! BRIAN: Oh, lay off! ARTHUR: This is the Messiah, the Chosen One! SIMON: No, he's not. BRIAN: Aaaagh! ARTHUR: An unbeliever! FOLLOWERS: An unbeliever! ARTHUR: Persecute! Kill the heretic! FOLLOWERS: Kill the heretic! Kill him! Persecute! Kill!... BRIAN: Leave him alone! Leave him alone! Leave him alone. Put him down. Please! JUDITH: Brian? BRIAN: Judith? Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark [This message has been edited by skywalker (edited 10-26-2001).] |
ROFL Mark! I doubt there is any funny Monty Python stuff that you've yet to share with us!
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You can always write down the script from then Brian is painting the wall :=) pretty funny
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------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
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Then there is the invetigation scenes with "wait we havnt had the time to hide yet" http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif |
I am here to serve:
Scene 9: Brian Learns to Conjugate The sketch: spooky music dramatic chord CENTURION: What's this, then? 'Romanes Eunt Domus'? 'People called Romanes they go the house'? BRIAN: It-- it says, 'Romans, go home'. CENTURION: No, it doesn't. What's Latin for 'Roman'? Come on! BRIAN: Aah! CENTURION: Come on! BRIAN: 'R-- Romanus'? CENTURION: Goes like...? BRIAN: 'Annus'? CENTURION: Vocative plural of 'annus' is...? BRIAN: Eh. 'Anni'? CENTURION: 'Romani'. 'Eunt'? What is 'eunt'? BRIAN: 'Go'. Let-- CENTURION: Conjugate the verb 'to go'. BRIAN: Uh. 'Ire'. Uh, 'eo'. 'Is'. 'It'. 'Imus'. 'Itis'. 'Eunt'. CENTURION: So 'eunt' is...? BRIAN: Ah, huh, third person plural, uh, present indicative. Uh, 'they go'. CENTURION: But 'Romans, go home' is an order, so you must use the...? BRIAN: The... imperative! CENTURION: Which is...? BRIAN: Umm! Oh. Oh. Um, 'i'. 'I'! CENTURION: How many Romans? BRIAN: Ah! 'I'-- Plural. Plural. 'Ite'. 'Ite'. CENTURION: 'Ite'. BRIAN: Ah. Eh. CENTURION: 'Domus'? BRIAN: Eh. CENTURION: Nominative? BRIAN: Oh. CENTURION: 'Go home'? This is motion towards. Isn't it, boy? BRIAN: Ah. Ah, dative, sir! Ahh! No, not dative! Not the dative, sir! No! Ah! Oh, the... accusative! Accusative! Ah! 'Domum', sir! 'Ad domum'! Ah! Oooh! Ah! CENTURION: Except that 'domus' takes the...? BRIAN: The locative, sir! CENTURION: Which is...?! BRIAN: 'Domum'. CENTURION: 'Domum'. BRIAN: Aaah! Ah. CENTURION: 'Um'. Understand? BRIAN: Yes, sir. CENTURION: Now, write it out a hundred times. BRIAN: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir. CENTURION: Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off. BRIAN: Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar and everything, sir! Oh. Mmm! Finished! ROMAN SOLDIER STIG: Right. Now don't do it again. CENTURIONS chase BRIAN MAN: Hey! Bloody Romans. ------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
And for finally for DiabloRex:
Scene 16: Crucifixion: Could Be Worse... The sketch: REG: Daniel. LORETTA: Daniel. FRANCIS: Job. REG: Job. LORETTA: Job. FRANCIS: Joshua. REG: Joshua. LORETTA: Joshua. FRANCIS: Judges. REG: Judges. LORETTA: Judges. FRANCIS: And Brian. REG: And Brian. LORETTA: And Brian. REG: I now propose that all seven of these ex-brothers be now entered in the minutes as probationary martyrs to the cause. LORETTA: I second that, Reg. REG: Thank you, Loretta. On the nod. Siblings! thump Let us not be down-hearted. One total catastrophe like this is just the beginning! Their glorious deaths shall unite us all in a-- MATTHIAS: Look out! BRIAN: Hello? Matthias! Reg! REG: Go away! BRIAN: Hm? Reg, it's me, Brian! REG: Get off! Get off out of it! BRIAN: Stan! LORETTA: P*ss off. COMMANDO: Yeah, p*ss off! REG: Bugger off. bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam Ohh,... bam bam bam bam bam ...sh*t! bam BRIAN: Uhh. MATTHIAS: Coming! bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam BORING PROPHET: Yea, verily, at that time, it is written in the book of Obadiah. A man shall strike his donkey and his nephew's donkey and anyone... crack ...in the vicinity... creak crack ...of his nephew or the donkey. MATTHIAS: My eyes are dim. I cannot see. CENTURION: Are you Matthias? MATTHIAS: Yes. CENTURION: We have reason to believe you may be hiding one Brian of Nazareth, a member of the terrorist organisation, the 'People's Front of Judea'. MATTHIAS: Me? No. I'm just a poor old man. I have no time for law-breakers. My legs are grey. My ears are gnarled. My eyes are old and bent. CENTURION: Quiet! Silly person. Guards! Search the house. clomp clomp clomp... You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harbouring a known criminal? MATTHIAS: No. CENTURION: Crucifixion. MATTHIAS: Oh. CENTURION: Nasty, eh? MATTHIAS: Hm. Could be worse. CENTURION: What do you mean, 'could be worse'? MATTHIAS: Well, you could be stabbed. CENTURION: Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours! It's a slow, horrible death! MATTHIAS: Well, at least it gets you out in the open air. CENTURION: You're weird. clomp clomp clomp... SERGEANT: No, sir. Couldn't find anything, sir. CENTURION: But don't worry! You've not seen the last of us, weirdo. MATTHIAS: Big Nose. CENTURION: Watch it. MATTHIAS: Phew, that was lucky. BRIAN: I'm sorry, Reg. REG: Ohhh, it's all right, siblings. He's sorry. He's sorry he led the Fifth Legion straight to our official headquarters. Well, that's all right, then, Brian. Sit down. Have a scone. Make yourself at home. You klutz! You stupid, bird-brained, flat-headed-- bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam creak crack BORING PROPHET: ...this great, big, juicy melon behind. bam bam bam bam bam bam MATTHIAS: My legs are old and bent. My ears are grizzled. Yes? CENTURION: There's one place we didn't look. Guards! MATTHIAS: I'm just a poor old man. clomp clomp clomp... My eyesight is bad. My eyes are poor. My nose is knackered. CENTURION: Have you ever seen anyone crucified? MATTHIAS: Crucifixion's a doddle. CENTURION: Don't keep saying that. clomp clomp clomp... SERGEANT: Found this spoon, sir. CENTURION: Well done, Sergeant! We'll be back,... oddball. bam bam bam bam bam Open up! MATTHIAS: You haven't given us time to hide. ------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
LOL! very good, thanks http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif
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OMG! ROTFL!!! *eyes watering, sides aching and I have to pee now!*
Back in a minute whilst I take care of things so I can come back and laugh some more! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif *Musical Interlude* ------------------ http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...dragonmage.gif http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/hero2.gif Alureth...Dragon friend of Breanna, Mage and Advisor in the Court of Lady Lioness Co-Owner/Operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan. Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force Sublime Sister of the Illuminati - may the Light shine forever! Second Historian and Scribe of IW. Mother Hen of IW. Mage extraordinair, Pin-Up Girl for the OLD-COOTS Magey-Wagey: performer in the Nekked Dancing Trio of the ORT. Hopeless Romantic *sigh* |
ROFL Mark! LMAO! ROFLMAO! LOL! I'm getting Monty Python's "The Holy Grail" soon! Then I'll have a new movie to watch endlessly!
Ni! Ecky-Ecky-Ecky-Ptang-Zoom-Boing! |
hoho, my list of spoon references are getting quite long http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif
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This for you G'kar, my friend: The Man with Three Buttocks The cast: ANNOUNCER Eric Idle HOST John Cleese ARTHUR FRAMPTON Terry Jones The sketch: Announcer: And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks! Host : I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton who... (pause) Mr. Frampton, I understand that you - um - as it were... (pause) Well let me put it another way. Erm, I believe that whereas most people have - er - two... Two. Frampton: Oh, sure. Host: Ah well, er, Mr Frampton. Erm, is that chair comfortable? Frampton: Fine, yeah, fine. Host: Mr Frampton, er, vis a vis your... (pause) rump. Frampton: I beg your pardon? Host: Your rump. Frampton: What? Host: Er, your derriere. (Whispers) Posterior. Sit-upon. Frampton: What's that? Host: (whispers) Your buttocks. Frampton: Oh, me bum! Host: (hurriedly) Sshhh! Well now, I understand that you, Mr Frampton, have a... (pause) 50% bonus in the region of what you say. Frampton: I got three cheeks. Host: Yes, yes, excellent, excellent. Well we were wondering, Mr Frampton, if you could see your way clear to giving us a quick... (pause) a quick visual... (long pause). Mr Frampton, would you take your trousers down. Frampton: What? (to cameramen) 'Ere, get that away! I'm not taking me trousers down on television. What do you think I am? Host: Please take them down. Frampton: No! Host: No, er look, er Mr Frampton. It's quite easy for somebody just to come along here claiming... that they have a bit to spare in the botty department. The point is, our viewers need proof. Frampton: I've been on Persian Radio ... Get off! Arthur Figgis knows I've got three buttocks. Host: How? Frarnpton: We go cycling together. (Cut to shot of two men riding tandem. The one behind (Graham) looks down, looks up and exclaims 'strewth '.) Announcer: (sitting at desk) And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks. (Interview studio again.) Interviewer: Good evening, I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton, who.. Mr Frampton I understand that you, as it were - well let me put it another way... I believe Mr Frampton that whereas most people... didn't we do this just now? Frampton: Er ... yes. Interviewer: Well why didn't you say so? Frarnpton: I thought it was the continental version. (Cut back to Announcer sitting confidently at desk) Announcer: And now for something completely the same - a man with three buttocks. (phone on desk rings - he answers) Hullo? ... Oh, did we. (puts phone down and looks at camera) And now for something completely different. A man with three noses. Off-Screen Voice: He's not here yet! Announcer: Two Noses? ------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
Scene 35: There's a Bright Side?
The sketch: music MAN: Oh, no. BEGGAR: Oof. Bloody Romans! CENTURION: Watch it! There's still a few crosses left. PARVUS: Up you go, Big Nose! MR. BIG NOSE: I'll get you for this, you b*st*rd. PARVUS: Oh, yeah? MR. BIG NOSE: Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I never forget a face. PARVUS: No? MR. BIG NOSE: I warned you. I'm going to punch you so hard, you Roman git! PARVUS: Shut up, you Jewish turd! MR. BIG NOSE: Who are you calling Jewish?! I'm not Jewish! I'm a Samaritan! GREGORY: A Samaritan? This is supposed to be a Jewish section. PARVUS: It doesn't matter! You're all going to die in a day or two. GREGORY: It may not matter to you, Roman, but it certainly matters to us. Doesn't it, darling? MRS. GREGORY: Oh, rather. GREGORY: Under the terms of the Roman occupancy, we're entitled to be crucified in a purely Jewish area. PHARISEE: Pharisees separate from Sadducees. WELSH MAN: And Swedish separate from Welsh. VICTIMS: Yeah... PARVUS: All right! All right! All right! We'll soon settle this! Hands up, all those who don't want to be crucified here. VICTIMS: Ooh. Oh. Uh. Uh... PARVUS: Right. Next! SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Ah, look. It's not my cross. PARVUS: What?! SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Um, it's not my cross. I was, ah, holding it for someone. Um-- PARVUS: Just lie down. I haven't got all day. SAINTLY PASSER-BY: No, of course. Um, look. I hate to make a fuss-- PARVUS: Look. SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Uhh-- PARVUS: We've had a busy day. There's a hundred and forty of you lot to get up. GREGORY: Is he Jewish? PARVUS: Will you be quiet?! GREGORY: We don't want any more Samaritans around here. PARVUS: Belt up! SAINTLY PASSER-BY: Uh, will you let me down if he comes back? PARVUS: Yeah. Yeah, we'll let you down. Next! BRIAN: You don't have to do this. You don't have to take orders. PARVUS: I like orders. music MR. CHEEKY: See? Not so bad, once you're up. You being rescued, then? Are you? BRIAN: It's a bit late for that now, isn't it? MR. CHEEKY: Oh, now, now. We've got a couple of days up here. Plenty of time. Lots of people get rescued. BRIAN: Ohh? MR. CHEEKY: Oh, yeah. My brother usually rescues me, if he can keep off the tail for more than twenty minutes. Huh. BRIAN: Ahhh? MR. CHEEKY: Randy little bugger. Up and down like the Assyrian Empire. Heh heh heh heh. music Hello. Your family arrived, then? BRIAN: Reg! REG: Hello, sibling Brian. BRIAN: Thank God you've come, Reg. REG: Ahh, yes. Well, I think I should point out first, Brian, in all fairness, that we are not in fact the rescue committee. However, I have been asked to read the following prepared statement on behalf of the Movement. Uh, 'We, the People's Front of Judea, brackets, officials, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Brian, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom.' BRIAN: What? REG: 'Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman Imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture, and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Signed on behalf of the P.F.J., etcetera.' And I'd just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration for what you are doing for us, Brian, at what must be, after all, for you, a very difficult time. BRIAN: Reg! Well, what are you going to do? REG: Good-bye, Brian, and thanks. FRANCIS: Well done, Brian. Keep it up, lad. LORETTA: Terrific work, Brian. P.F.J.: mumbling REG: Yeah. Right. And... P.F.J.: singing For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! For he's a jolly good fellow! And so say all of us! LORETTA: And so say all of-- clap clap clap BRIAN: You b*st*rds! You b*st*rds! CENTURION: Where is Brian of Nazareth?! BRIAN: You sanctimonious b*st*rds! CENTURION: I have an order for his release! BRIAN: You stupid b*st*rds! MR. CHEEKY: Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth. BRIAN: What?! MR. CHEEKY: Yeah, I-- I-- I'm Brian of Nazareth. CENTURION: Take him down! BRIAN: I'm Brian of Nazareth! VICTIM #1: Eh, I'm Brian! MR. BIG NOSE: I'm Brian! VICTIM #2: Look, I'm Brian! BRIAN: I'm Brian! VICTIMS: I'm Brian! GREGORY: I'm Brian, and so's my wife! VICTIMS: I'm Brian! I'm Brian!... BRIAN: I'm Brian of Nazareth! CENTURION: All right. Take him away and release him. MR. CHEEKY: No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only-- It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans! Can't take a joke! exciting music WORKER: Huuuh! The Judean People's Front! PARVUS: The Judean People's Front! OTTO: Forward all! WORKERS: Look out! The Judean People's Front! The Judean People's Front!... OTTO: We are the Judean People's Front. Crack suicide squad. Suicide squad! Attack! drum roll J.P.F.: Uh! Ugh. Aggh... OTTO: That showed 'em, huh? Oooh. whump BRIAN: You silly sods. JUDITH: Brian! Brian! Brian! Brian! BRIAN: Judith! JUDITH: Terrific! Great! Reg has explained it all to me, and I think it's great what you are doing. sniff Thank you, Brian. I'll-- I'll never forget you. MANDY: So, there you are! I might have known it would end up like this. To think of all the love and affection I've wasted on you. Well, if that's how you treat your poor old mother in the autumn years of her life, all I can say is, 'Go ahead. Be crucified. See if I care.' I might have known it would... BRIAN: Mum! MANDY: ...end up like this. Sex, sex. That's... BRIAN: Mum! MANDY: ...all young people are interested in nowadays. I don't know what the world's coming to. MR. FRISBEE III: Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say. Some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, Don't grumble. Give a whistle. And this'll help things turn out for the best. And... music Always look on the bright side of life. whistling Always look on the light side of life. whistling If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten, And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps, Don't be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing. And... Always look on the bright side of life. SEVERAL: whistling MR. FRISBEE: Come on! SEVERAL: Always look on the right side of life, whistling MR. FRISBEE: For life is quite absurd And death's the final word. You must always face the curtain with a bow. Forget about your sin. Give the audience a grin. EVERYONE: Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow. So,... Always look on the bright side of death, whistling Just before you draw your terminal breath. whistling MR. FRISBEE: Life's a piece of sh*t, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true. You'll see it's all a show. Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you. And... EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life. whistling Always look on the right side of life. whistling MR. FRISBEE: Come on, Brian. Cheer up. EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! whistling Always look on the bright side of life! whistling MR. FRISBEE: Worse things happen at sea, you know. EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: I mean, what you got to lose? You know, you come from nothing. EVERYONE: whistling MR. FRISBEE: You're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing! EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! whistling MR. FRISBEE: Nothing will come from nothing. You know what they say? EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: Cheer up, you old bugger. Come on. Give us a grin. There you are. See? EVERYONE: whistling MR. FRISBEE: It's the end of the film. Incidentally, this record's available in the foyer. EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: Some of us have got to live as well, you know. EVERYONE: whistling MR. FRISBEE: Who do you think pays for all this rubbish? EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! MR. FRISBEE: They'll never make their money back, you know. I told him. EVERYONE: whistling MR. FRISBEE: I said to him, 'Bernie.' I said, 'They'll never make their money back.' EVERYONE: Always look on the bright side of life! whistling MR. FRISBEE: That should give you enough. ------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
This is to make DragonMage laugh!
Scene 15: Launcelot Saves a Beautiful and Melodious errr Prince? [inside castle] PRINCESS LUCKY and GIRLS: [giggling] [outside castle] GUEST: 'Morning! SENTRY #1: 'Morning. SENTRY #2: Oooh. SENTRY #1: [ptoo] [drum roll] [drum roll] [drum roll] [drum roll] [drum roll] LAUNCELOT: Ha ha! Hiyya! SENTRY #2: Hey! LAUNCELOT: Hiyya!, Ha!, etc. PRINCESS LUCKY and GIRLS: [giggling] LAUNCELOT: Ha ha! Huy! GUESTS: Uuh! Aaah! LAUNCELOT: Ha ha! And take this! Aah! Hiyah! Aah! Aaah! Hyy! Hya! Hiyya! Ha!... GUARD #1: Now, you're not allowed to enter the room-- aaugh! LAUNCELOT: O fair one, behold your humble servant, Sir Launcelot of Camelot. I have come to take y-- Oh, I'm terribly sorry. HERBERT: You got my note! LAUNCELOT: Uh, well, I-- I got, uh, a note. HERBERT: You've come to rescue me! LAUNCELOT: Uh, well, no. You see, I hadn't-- HERBERT: I knew someone would. I knew that somewhere out there... [music] LAUNCELOT: Well, I-- HERBERT: ...there must be... someone... FATHER: Stop that! Stop that! Stop it! Stop it! Who are you? HERBERT: I'm your son! FATHER: No, not you. LAUNCELOT: Uh, I am Sir Launcelot, sir. HERBERT: He's come to rescue me, Father. LAUNCELOT: Well, let's not jump to conclusions. FATHER: Did you kill all those guards? LAUNCELOT: Uh... Oh, yes. Sorry. FATHER: They cost fifty pounds each! LAUNCELOT: Well, I'm awfully sorry. Um, I really can explain everything. HERBERT: Don't be afraid of him, Sir Launcelot. I've got a rope all ready. FATHER: You killed eight wedding guests in all! LAUNCELOT: Well, uh, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady. FATHER: I can understand that. HERBERT: Hurry, Sir Launcelot! Hurry! FATHER: Shut up! You only killed the bride's father, that's all! LAUNCELOT: Well, I really didn't mean to... FATHER: Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head! LAUNCELOT: Oh, dear. Is he all right? FATHER: You even kicked the bride in the chest! This is going to cost me a fortune! LAUNCELOT: Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding north from Camelot, when I got this note, you see-- FATHER: Camelot? Are you from, uh, Camelot? HERBERT: Hurry, Sir Launcelot! LAUNCELOT: Uh, I am a Knight of King Arthur, sir. FATHER: Very nice castle, Camelot. Uh, very good pig country. LAUNCELOT: Is it? HERBERT: Hurry! I'm ready! FATHER: Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink? LAUNCELOT: Well, that-- that's, uh, awfully nice of you,... HERBERT: I am ready! LAUNCELOT: ...um, I mean to be so understanding. [thonk] Um,... [woosh] HERBERT: Oooh! LAUNCELOT: ...I'm afraid when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away. FATHER: Oh, don't worry about that. HERBERT: Oooh! [splat] ------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
ROTFL!!! *tears of laughter streaming*
Oh my! And I didn't think I'd actually laugh today. Thanks Mark! (((HUGS))) I especially like the part before this when they can't remember who each other are. "Now listen 'ere Alice." "I'm 'erbert." And "But mother..." "That's 'father'..." But this is playing in my head now! Especially the sound Herbert makes just before he hits...kind of "EEEeeeee", then that 'splat'. http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...s/biglaugh.gif Thanks again, sweetie. I needed that. ------------------ http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...dragonmage.gif http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/hero2.gif Alureth...Dragon friend of Breanna, Mage and Advisor in the Court of Lady Lioness Co-Owner/Operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan. Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force Sublime Sister of the Illuminati - may the Light shine forever! Second Historian and Scribe of IW. Mother Hen of IW. Mage extraordinair, Pin-Up Girl for the OLD-COOTS Magey-Wagey: performer in the Nekked Dancing Trio of the ORT. Hopeless Romantic *sigh* |
I just thought we should finish up the scene Breanna. I hope you don't mind! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif
Scene 16: You Can't Stop a... errrr Prince?... From Singing GUESTS: [crying] FATHER: Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this knocked through and made into one big, uh, living room. GUEST: There he is! FATHER: Oh, bloody hell. [exciting music] LAUNCELOT: Ha ha ha! Hey! Ha ha! FATHER: Hold it! Stop it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Please! LAUNCELOT: Sorry. Sorry. You see what I mean? I just get carried away. I'm really most awfully sorry. Sorry! Sorry, everyone. GUEST #1: He's killed the best man! GUESTS: [yelling] FATHER: Hold it! Hold it! Please! Hold it! This is Sir Launcelot from the Court of Camelot, a very brave and influential knight, and my special guest here today. LAUNCELOT: Hello. GUEST: He killed my auntie! GUESTS: [yelling] FATHER: Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, has just fallen to his death. GUESTS: Oh! Oh, no! FATHER: But I don't want to think I've not lost a son, so much as... gained a daughter! [clap clap clap] For, since the tragic death of her father-- GUEST #2: He's not quite dead! FATHER: Since the near fatal wounding of her father-- GUEST #2: He's getting better! FATHER: For, since her own father, who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him. BRIDE'S FATHER: Uugh! GUEST #2: Oh, he's died! FATHER: And I want his only daughter to look upon me as her old dad, in a very real and legally binding sense. [clap clap clap] And I feel sure that the merger-- er, the union between the Princess and the brave, but dangerous, Sir Launcelot of Camelot-- LAUNCELOT: What? GUEST #2: Look! The dead Prince! GUESTS: Oooh! The dead Prince! CONCORDE: He's not quite dead. HERBERT: No, I feel much better. FATHER: You fell out of the Tall Tower, you creep! HERBERT: No, I was saved at the last minute. FATHER: How?! HERBERT: Well, I'll tell you. [music] FATHER: Not like that! Not like that! No! Stop it! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell!... FATHER: Shut uuup! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell!... FATHER: Shut up! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell!... FATHER: Shut up! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell!... FATHER: Not like that! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell!... CONCORDE: Quickly, sir! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell!... CONCORDE: Come this way! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell! He's going to tell!... LAUNCELOT: No! It's not right for my idiom! GUESTS: [singing] He's going to tell about his great escape... LAUNCELOT: I must escape more... [sigh] GUESTS: [singing] Oh, he fell a long, long way,... CONCORDE: Dramatically, sir? LAUNCELOT: Dramatically! GUESTS: [singing] But he's here with us today... LAUNCELOT: Heee! Hoa! [crash] Hoo! GUESTS: [singing] What a wonderful escape! LAUNCELOT: Excuse me. Could, uh-- could somebody give me a push, please? ------------------ Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati! Mark |
LOL! Poor Concord!
I love how they kept bringing ppl back from the 'brink of death'! LOL! <marquee><h1><font color=red>H</font><font color=7FFF00>U</font><font color=aquamarine>G</font><font color=gold>S</font></h1></marquee> ------------------ http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...dragonmage.gif http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/hero2.gif Alureth...Dragon friend of Breanna, Mage and Advisor in the Court of Lady Lioness Co-Owner/Operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan. Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force Sublime Sister of the Illuminati - may the Light shine forever! Second Historian and Scribe of IW. Mother Hen of IW. Mage extraordinair, Pin-Up Girl for the OLD-COOTS Magey-Wagey: performer in the Nekked Dancing Trio of the ORT. Hopeless Romantic *sigh* |
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