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What are some hilarious true stories that have happened to you or others? Post them here!
Rules: KEEP IT CLEAN! No dirty talk, ok? http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif Also, no bashing anyone on the forum. My story: Many years ago (actually about 1986), I had a good friend who was preparing a HUGE mess of baked beans to take to an outdoor festival the next day ("Splash Days" in Dallas). Anyway, she was a bit of a ditz, and her boyfriend played a MEAN joke on her by telling her that she could remove the "gassy" quality of the beans by poking a hole in each one with a needle. Well, of course, she bought the story, and sat up until like 4 in the morning the night before, watching HBO movies and poking holes in over 2000 beans that were soaking! When I found out about it, I laughed so hard I just about choked. I told her next time to get some "Beano" and not to be so naive. When she found out how she'd been duped, I don't think she spoke to that rake boyfriend of hers for over a week. He was in the DEEP doghouse! http://www.wizardrealm.com/images/saz.gif |
LMAO!!! Saz, that is so incredibly funny!!! http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...s/biglaugh.gifhttp://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...s/biglaugh.gif
I don't know if I can think of *any* story of mine that could equal yours.... let me think, 'kay? In the meantime, people, post your funny stories here! Mel, still snickering ...http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...miles/hihi.gif ------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, & Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/memnoch/mel1.gif Your voice is ambrosia |
Picture this - a young, innocent, niaiive and shy doctor (yes I was! This was a long time ago http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif) who has just been working on duty for 80 hours continuously. It is a hot summers nihgt and she decides she has earned a big icecream as a treat. She walks down the street. One side is a large park, and the street lights on the other side are dim, so the lights outside the shop look to all intents and purposes like a spotlight in the darkness.
There is a large car parked outside the shop full of drunken yahoos all hooting and laughing. She really wanted this icecream so she decides to be brave and ignoring all the whistles and catcalls she steps into the light. It was at this precise moment the elastic on her knickers (panties to the foreigners) chose to give way, and said item of clothing fell gracefully to the ground. What did I do? why I just stepped out of them of course. Eyes fixed firmly straight ahead I walked on, and I never got that ice cream http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif ------------------ There is only one kiwidoc, accept no substitutes http://www.drhope.fsnet.co.uk/doctor.gif STANDARD OPERATING PROCEEDURE www.judyhope.co.uk |
Oh, NO!!! ROFLMAO, Kiwidoc!
May I add you handled yourself EXTREMELY well under the circumstances! Pity about your ice cream, though!! http://www.wizardrealm.com/images/saz.gif |
Hmmmmm LOL
Well I have a few probably but the bean story reminded me of once when I was sixteen and I got off the school bus a mile away from home to visit a friend who had gotten pregnant, married and dropped out of school to live in and take care of her mother-in-law's house. She was making dinner and when I asked her how life away from home and school was, she told me how strict her mother-in-law was about keeping her house just so...everything cleaned as clean as it could be, everything in its place at all times, having dinner on the table at the same time every day and things like that. Her sister was also there and as her sister and I sat in the front room talking, the girl was busy in the kitchen getting a meal together for her husband and mother-in-law who would be home soon. She called me into the kitchen for help and when I got there she was standing at the stove in front of a pressure cooker with oven mits on her hands. She stated that I was strong and could I help her get the lid off as the potatoes inside were done and she needed to mash them in a hurry! Time was running out! (Poor girl, she was so stressed!) So me, being the helpful kind of friend that I am, put the mits on my own hands, took hold of the pot, and turned with all my might not realizing in order to open a pressure cooker, you need to take the weight off the top and let the steam out first! I tugged and pulled and finally felt it give. Immediately, the lid blew off and smacked into the ceiling, leaving a big dent and the whole kitchen was painted with a sudden cooked potato explosion! We all screamed at first and then laughed when we saw each other and everything around us covered with hot potato bits. She then looked at the clock and started crying and yelling that her mother-in-law was going to be home any second and that she would be killed if the woman came home and saw her kitchen in that condition! I looked at the clock myself and realized I only had 3 minutes to make the mile home or I would be in a heap of trouble for being late so I explained myself and started to leave. The two of them literally screamed at me that I had made the mess and therefore I had to stay around and help them clean it up! Being totally ignorant of how pressure cookers worked I saw no fault on my part and fearing my own mother more than her mother-in-law, I left anyway as they cried and yelled obscenities in my general direction as I headed out the door and ran home trying to beat the clock. Neither of them ever talked to me again and I hear they both still hate me for the incident more than twenty years later but I still laugh my ass off whenever I think of that pot exploding and the potato spray that went everywhere! http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif Moni ------------------ http://members.aol.com/lasttrueprincess/images/ltp4.gif |
OMG Moni and Kiwi, those are some true horror stories!!! http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gifhttp://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gifhttp://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gifhttp://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gifhttp://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif
Kiwidoc, your story actually reminds me of a similar blunder I had, when I was wearing a skirt and underneath a pair of those stay-ups, you know, the stockings that are kept up by a strip of silicone... Yes, http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/FRblush.gif when i was going out with some friends, they fell down http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/FRblush.gif. I wish I could have reacted as cool as you did, but I'm afraid I just went VERY red in the face....to the amusement of my friends of course... http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif ------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, & Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/memnoch/mel1.gif Your voice is ambrosia |
BUMP
------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, & Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/memnoch/mel1.gif Your voice is ambrosia |
This is a "oh my god I always wanted to do that" story. I have only been pulled over for speeding once on my whole life - which doesnt mean I don't speed!
Picture the same doctor two years later eating a meal with friends in a pub. Her page goes so she abandons the food and takes off. A police officer see's her leaving the pub car park at a great rate of knots and pulls her over. He leans over in a very intimidating manner and in a condescending voice asks "Ma'am just where were you going to so fast? Please blow into this bag!" "I'm off to the police station. I am your duty police doctor and I need to check out a prisoner who has just collapsed! And no, I won't blow in your bag as I haven't got time!" Haven't you always DREAMED of making an answer like that. I got a police escort http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif and btw - the prisoner was OK, he was just drunk. ------------------ There is only one kiwidoc, accept no substitutes http://www.drhope.fsnet.co.uk/doctor.gif STANDARD OPERATING PROCEEDURE www.judyhope.co.uk |
Heheheheeh!!
Kiwidoc, you've done something most of us only get to DREAM of! I would have given anything to see the look on that cop's face. The prisoner was DRUNK? LOL! I didn't know they allowed prisoners to drink! Either that or he was drinking on the sly. There's enough drug use in our prisons over here and the danged guards just look the other way. http://www.wizardrealm.com/images/saz.gif |
Well this one didn't happen to me...I just got to hear it from a friend. A neighbor of his was telling him how she'd made her first ever blueberry pie and it was going to be her last! He asked her why and the lady said it took too long to make them. Seems she'd peeled the blueberries! http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif
On the subject of food....While on my first trip to Moscow, I got in line for some items being sold at a little store. Found out it was garlic and beets and decided to get some garlic. Well, when asked how much I wanted I smiled and said one (not knowing the word for a single piece, i just said 'one'). I was watching the woman shoveling many garlc bulbs into a paper funnel when it dawned on me she was doing that for me! Seems by saying just one, I'd left her to the default measure which is one KILO....ACK! I quickly yelled "HALF...HALF!" in Russian and ended up with a half kilo of garlic to take back to the dorm! Needless to say I got many a vampire joke made around me for a while, and I learned that a single bulb of garlic is a "golovka" or 'little head' in Russian. http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif Do you have any idea how long a half kilo of fresh garlic lasts?! LOL GarlicChefCloud ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/bestow~1.jpg Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan Storm-Queen StormCloud of the Black Knight Heart Mind Soul Forever |
My funny story:
My brother was born. ------------------ Lioness The Lion is strong, but the Lioness can overcome. And will. |
<font color="cyan">I got two.
1)When i was about 11,i went to my best mates house,and we were in his garage.We made a real cool "den",with blankets and everything.the only problem was,in the garage it was a bit dark.so we thought it would be good to light some candles.Little did we know that there were emulsion and tins of paint behind us,,, Not good. 2)Same best mate.we was playing footy in his garden,and I put a football through his double-glazed kitchen window.His parents were mad,but fixed it without tellin my parents. 1 week later,i put it through with a cricket ball.Same window.Same House.Same Mad Parents. ------------------ http://members.aol.com/lasttrueprinc...avindathar.gif |
So, one day I get pulled over by a policeman. (Charge: Driving while Mexican)
I'll admit, I'm a wise-ass. When he walked over, I asked: "What do you want? I don't have any donuts..." Yes, I was searched. My car was searched. My record was run. I was yelled at... It was worth it. http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...hterpurple.gif ------------------ http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...s/rudedawg.jpg http://www.wizardrealm.com/images/rdawg.gif [This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 06-08-2001).] |
Quote:
http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...hterpurple.gif http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...miles/hihi.gif ------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, & Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/memnoch/mel1.gif Your voice is ambrosia |
(I am so irritated right now. I have somehow typed most of this account twice now, and managed to inadvertently hit Esc both times, throwing it all away. Uggh. But I wanted you all to hear(read?) this, so, Third time's the charm)
Setting: Rural Virginia, late Summer, Age 11 or 12 My younger (by 2 years) brother and I were entertaining ourselves by flicking wooden matches (stand the match on the strike strip of the matchbox, and pluck it off in the direction of the target) into dried clumps of grass in the garden and enjoying watching as they went up in flames. I was intent on flaming as many grass clumps as I could before my brother could get to them, and didn't even realize he had wandered off until I heard him yell "Uh Oh!" from behind the shed (garage) and rush out into the garden, grab some clods of dirt, and run back behind the shed. Curious, I followed him around the back of the shed, where he had gone in search of bigger, better clumps of grass to flame. He found his bigger grass clumps growing out of a pile of wood my father kept back there, and had been thoroughly enjoying himself, until one of the matches slipped down into the wood pile, and began to catch on the dried wood down there. He began throwing dirt clods at the pile, hoping to stifle the growing flames, and commanded me to assist. We both threw dirt on the fire for a while, until the resulting conflagration threatened to consume us, as well as the wood, at which point we stepped back, helpless, and watched as the fire first took the wood pile, then attached itself to the shed and began consuming that as well. It never occurred to us to try and save anything in the shed, since our father kept the shed door locked, to keep us from getting into his tools and creating mischief (we once borrowed his tools to dig a cave, and lost most of them in the resulting dirt pile. We were digging with everything from picks, to hoes to large screwdrivers, even using an axe to loosen the dirt up, http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif) My father came storming out of the house, fumbling with his keys, rushing to save what he could from the shed (no way was he going to be able to contain the fire.) He yelled at us to run over and get our nearest neighbor, who was more than 300 yards from our house. We ran over and told him what was happening, and he went to his own shed and grabbed the end of a garden hose and rushed back with us to the shed. To our amazement, water was already coming out of the hose, and the thing actually reached our shed, allowing the only unburned corner of the structure to be saved (if that's what you would call it.) Our neighbor actually talked my father out of beating us, reminding him that we were "only being boys." Our penance, however, became helping our father rebuild the shed, this time using cinder-blocks, and doing the shingle installation on the roof. All in all, excellent experience... http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif "A toast, to the Pyromaniac Brothers!" http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/noncgi/smiles/elf.gif ------------------ DawnChaser aka Thanatos (Dispositioner of Souls) http://www.clantoa.com/images/thanatossig.gif [This message has been edited by DawnChaser (edited 06-08-2001).] |
Well this one happened last year with my pals Shane MCcall and Kenneth West. All three of us were going to the movies, ans Shane decides to stop by Mcdonalds to get a milkshake. We continue on our way and we come to the long black pipe, that's by the NEX. (Navy Exchange.) Like idiots we walk down it, or attempt to in Kenny's case. Kenny was never the most *balanced* person in the world, and fell off after every 3 steps. To make matters worse, he has to hear constant insults about it from Shane. "God Kenny, you're so uncoordinated. Kenny you have to be the most uncoordinated person in the world." Not to much longer after Shane's joke, he falls off the pipe himself. His milkshake goes everywhere. It gets on me, Kenny, a van, and a cement block about 10 feet away. (In the opposite direction, don't ask how.) Yes Shane will still get red in the face if you call him uncoordinated!
------------------ Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just don't have to listen. http://train.missouri.org/~prestons/.../flamedrag.gif |
1989, on one of my many visits to the US I decide to visit a theme park called Baseball & Boardwalk in Haines City, Florida. I especially wanted to ride the 'Hurricane' which was a roller coaster made from wood.
I queued for 2 hours before finally getting my turn. Now, at this time I was somewhat overweight. (24.5 stone, 156 kg, 340lb). I sat in the seat and a young lady about 4 ft 6 inches tall tried to lower the safety bar over my stomache but it wouldn't lock. After what seemed to be an eternity I finally told her to stop and got out. Bear in mind that this is in full view of the queue and that I had to walk past them to get out of the roller coaster - all very embarrassing. I went back to my hotel room and lay on the bed and decided that the time had come to do something about my weight. So I hatched a plan, I would lose enough weight and return the following year to ride the Hurricane. When I got back home I started to eat heathily, gave up the booze and started to exercise. Over the next 13 months I managed to lose 10.5 st, (67 kg, 147 lb). So the holiday was booked and myself and 7 friends returned to Florida to complete the plan. On the great day we drove in two cars from Orlando to Haines City. As we entered the car park an amazing sight greeted us. We were the first cars there, the car park was completely empty. It was only as we drove further into the car park that we saw the signs showing that Baseball & Boardwalk had closed 2 weeks previously. Unfortunately my friends were not in the mood to give me sympathy and drove round and round for more than 10 minutes calling out things like 'Keep your hands inside the car now' and other quotes from National Lampoons Vacation. If you've seen that film you will understand why this felt like a visit to WallyWorld. Not that funny if you weren't there - but we still laugh about it today. BTW if any one is wondering I have spent the past 10 years putting the weight back on - but I've enjoyed it. ------------------ http://www.wheatsheaf.freeserve.co.uk/roastspurs.gif Save Chip - Don't let Sarah win! Official Titterer of the Laughing Hyenas |
Ah funny stories eh?
I was about 13-15 years when this happened...People from Australia should know where MT. Buller is, It's a skiiing mountain for those that don't know. Ok on to my story, does everyone know those big chair-lifts that take you up the big slopes? I'm sure you do. Now for the smaller slopes, they don't have those 'chair lifts', they got a system where there's a anchor like device that you hold on to and it supports your butt with this railing sort of thing from behind you back. You supoosed to hold on to it and let go when you've reached the top. Now, when i reached the top and let go, the bloody "anchor" bit caught onto the bottom of my jacket and dragged my ass along the snow and i couldn't do anything about it. I laughed it off afterwards but i swear, at the time i was scared out of my brain cos the big machine with wheels and cogs that takes those funny things back DOWN the slope was coming towards my very quickly... sort of funny but damn frightning too arrgh ... Those whov'e been skiing should know what i mean by those anchor things, i don't know the name ------------------ http://angelfire.com/rpg/castletainly/gifs/xnoni.gif Bristowe, Master Assassin "Everyone dies sooner or later, why not sooner?" |
nothing really funnys ever happened to me, at least not that i remember. however, i think ill tell you something ive always wanted to do
when i learn to drive, im gonna go about 15 over the limit just to try to get pulled over. and when i finally do, im gonna act all stoned and crap like that. of course i wont be, and im probably gonna hafta go back to the station and piss the cop off even more cuz i have no drugs in my system. then with a great smile ill walk out before getting sent to court on charges of mental insanity http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif which i will undoubtedly be found guilty of http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no.../drooling1.gif ------------------ I'll kidnap ya fer 100, reprogram ya fer 300, and kill ya fer 500! Oh come one! I'll throw in the killin' fer 250! |
Bumping for some of the newer folks and anyone who may have missed this.
http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif Moni ------------------ http://members.aol.com/lasttrueprincess/images/ltp4.gif |
Well, there's the one about when I needed to get a new passport done and my friend Dean had recently had his done as well. I mentioned that I needed to get a photo done to which he replied.
"I've still got two left from my passport it you want them". The other amusing one involving myself is when I was getting "intimate" with a girl in the back of my car. The said car was parked at the back of a deserted car park next to a very busy main road under a tree. I thought this was a very discreet location and was quite pleased with myself. The only problem is that without realising we dislodged the hand brake and the car rolled across the car park without either of us noticing before stopping next to the main road. Much to my embarassment there was even a short mention of it in out local paper under the headline "Nude Exhibisionist's wanted for questioning" asking someone to turn us in to the law. Needless to say, I now keep a wheel clamp in the boot for future moments of passion. |
I work in banking... a short while ago, a young newlywed couple came to me asking about obtaining a loan. Based on the amount they wanted to borrow, I suggested a loan, using their house as collateral (a gift from his parents - nice). They discussed improvements they wanted to make and i explained the difference between a home improvement loan and a home equity loan (with a home improvement, you need exact quotes and descriptions of the work to be done... home equity, you just get the amount requested and do not have to explain your expenditures - important distinction for this story).
Anyhow, I guess I gave these kids a little too much information. When they returned 2 weeks later, they had a thick folder. The first pages were the loan application. Amount requested: $36,000.00... Purpose: home improvements, breast enhancements and tattoo removal. What followed were doctor's reports, computer generated "before & after" pictures for the enhancements, polaroid pictures of someone's derrierre with a few tattoos and someone's attractive, normal sized breasts as well as bids from housing contractors. I stood up, walked behind them and closed my office door, removed the application and contractor's bids and handed them back the rest of the folder. I then explained they wanted a home EQUITY loan as there was no way a court would allow a bank to file a "T & A" lien... They both blushed but I told them I would not breath a word (Great Googlie Mooglie!!! What if they're board members???). In any event, they left my office... on the way out, the young lady began whipping the snot out of her mate, yelling at him, "you &*%@^#$ !!! I told you we should have asked for a home equity loan!!!" Here endeth the tale http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif ------------------ {Next time I send some damned fool, I'll go myself...} |
all so very funny LOL
I got one to tell. now I didn't hear of this until later but I died laughing anyway. in the front of my old house in Texas there stands my older brother Tomas his friend Matt my other older brother Jeremy and this great looking woman they just met. Jeremy leaves(for some reason, I don't know) while they are intruducing them selves. well knowing who Matt and Tomas are she ask as Jeremy returns "and what do you call this guy?" well Jeremy for some reson thought she was asking who Matt was. so he steps forward and trying to be funny says "Dumb ass!" I only wish I could have been there. http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/clawsfin.gif Drake A.K.A. bocaj |
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