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Prologue
Jared saw the smoke on the morning two days from his farm. The breeze had picked up from the day earlier, and it brought the smoke trail above the tree line. It was the wrong color for a cooking or campfire, and there was too much of it. As he gulped his caf, he figured on how far it was to the source. It would add at least a day to his trek home, and he would be too late to help the victims. The smoke was black as the pitch that was a part of it. It was the remains of a building, someone’s home. As he neared, he knew that he would smell the burning seasoned wood, the clothes, and the victims. Shaking his head, he broke camp, and mounted his horse. Twice in one week, things were getting worse. Late that evening, he came upon the outskirts of the remains. He could see the burnt fields, with the slaughtered livestock gathering carrion. As he rode through the fields to the burnt shell, the birds scattered, spreading filth and screaming at him. Jared’s breath shortened as the smell off the carnage hit him. What he saw was worse that he expected. It wasn’t a single farmstead, it was a village. Several huts still stood, but the burnt-out shells of larger buildings outnumbered them easily. Survivors were piling salvage from the ruins, tending wounded, and generally wandering with lost looks on their faces. Most of the faces he saw considered him with a mixture of fear and curiosity. None held hope in seeing him. The bodies he saw scattered were varied, young and old, large and small. Many were still smoking. His eyes quickly picked out the malformed bodies of those not human. Orcs, ogres, and orogs spread among the remains. Typical raiding party from the mountains, but they never traveled this far west. “Ho!” a man walked up to him, clutching a pitchfork in his hand. Jared smiled and lifted his hands, holding the reins lightly. “I saw the smoke, came to help,” he explained. “Came to loot, you mean.” “Yours isn’t the only village in the region that has suffered this season. I saw a similar case only weeks ago, in Eagles Crest, past the hills. They were hit before sunrise, by a large band of demis from the mountains west of here. I’m heading home from trading, and your village is too close for comfort. I came to see if I can help, and to find out what happened. I don’t want to be unprepared when I get to my home.” “They were heading east. You?” “They’re heading back home, I guess. My farm is to the south.” He chose not to comment on his likely good fortune. The man snarled, “No-one lives south of us. It’s forest for days. Haunted by creatures large and small, natural and not. You’d have to be a fool.” “Yes, they tell me. I’m a fool, or stupid, or crazy.” Jared’s laugh was easy. “May I help? I have some experience tracking…” “We don’t want to know who they were or where they’ve gone. They killed dozens, burned us out, killed the animals, and burned the fields! My boy died trying to fight. We won’t hunt them.” Jared recognized the sounds of a mob when he heard the crowd behind the man. He watched as they herding a small boy before them. He child’s hands were tied behind him. He nudged his horse towards the commotion. “He was a member of the raiding party. We captured him, and he’s going to die for the crimes.” The man didn’t sound vengeful. He sounded regretful, actually. “Demis don’t bring their young on raids. And I’ve never seen one so small…” As they neared, Jared saw the bag over the body’s head. He quickly noticed the thinness of the limbs, the small stature, and the straight back. “Hold up!” his voice lashed out, quiet command lacing the sound. He walked his horse up to the bound figure, and pulled of the bag. This was no boy. “Hello, lord.” Jared smiled, and then spoke loudly, without looking away from the angry eyes staring at him. Dark green eyes. “Why have you captured an elf? Do you know the penalty? You will have the anger of a kingdom against your village!” He dismounted, and moved behind the young elf to free him. “He was with them! We found him after the battle!” “Really? Your village must have an extraordinary blacksmith. These manacles are remarkable quality. Could he step forward to help me get them off?” He looked up when he heard no answer. The villagers were looking at him. “The manacles wee already on him, huh? But, you believe that he was a member of the raiding party, bound like this.” He held his anger in check; these weren’t bad people, just fools - scared and angry. The sword that he pulled from the scabbard on his saddle chimed as it cleared. It seemed to capture the remaining light and glow on its own. As always, Jared heart ached when he held it. He turned to the youngster, and bade him kneel. He toed a scrap of wood between the elf’s hands, and asked him to grip the brace. One blow severed the restraints. With the breaking of the chain, the cuffs opened on their own. “Fire and blood, “ Jared winced as the cold iron fell from the wrists, the angry welts of its burning glaring up from the thin arms. The young elf looked up at him, with no emotion but anger. “I have some salve for that,” he smiled at the elf, “ at home.” With that he looked up. “No one objects to his coming, of course.” The villagers were looking at the sword, at the symbol softly glowing from the face of the blade. The symbol of an army disbanded, but legendary. The symbol of a promise. “No, no. Of course not.” He lifted his new charge onto the saddle, and climbed behind him. He turned his horse south, towards home. ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes [This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 04-28-2001).] [This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 04-28-2001).] |
This is a fan-fic that I started during the 2 week hiatus...
It chronicles my character's life from my old PnP days... I may do another one, from the BGSoA perspective, in the BGII forum, later... As I've mentioned before, I am starting to write again... I writing a few things, right now. I need the practice, since I'm going to try to get a few old projects published. After I've practiced for a month or so, and got my hands warm with the language, I'll pull those old projects out, and start an editing project. Hopefully, I'll be anouncing my publish date, eventually... ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes [This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 04-28-2001).] |
They made camp miles away, well after sundown. Jared could see well at night, and he knew his charge’s natural affinity for the dark.
The young elf had ridden stiffly, seemingly afraid of Jared. He still hadn’t spoken. He refused the food offered him, including the little fruit Jared had. Jared treasured silence, stillness. It was a pleasurable alternate to the violence in his life. But the elf’s silence was not peaceful, just the opposite. Jared felt the angry gaze as he fell asleep. They were at Jared’s farm the next day. Jared unloaded his horse, and looked around the homestead. The villager was right; you’d have to travel through days of forest to get here, unless you could find the unmarked path. The forest added days to anyone’s journey, Jared had watched travelers move by his unmarked fields just yards away. Privacy was important. Everything was undisturbed. No sign of anyone’s passage. Jared set to making his guest welcome. The elf refused to speak, and to eat. He refused the next day. He refused the next week. A month passed, and the elf seemed weaker. But he refused everything placed before him. Jared was used to silence, so he just avoided the young elf. Into the second month, the elf was coming outside to watch him work in the field. Jared laughed as he worked, thinking how much easier it was to harvest rocks than food. It was with surprise when he first noticed the elf, sitting by the filed, watching him. The anger was no longer there, but trust was also missing. Curiosity, that’s what it is, Jared thought. At the end of the second month, it happened. ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes |
Jared was struggling with a huge stone in the field, when he heard the bear. He looked up; saw the large brown shape rushing across the open yard, heading for the elf. The elf stood up, faced the bear, and waited.
Jared reached his bow, nocked an arrow, and loosed it before he could aim. He struck the bear on the shoulder, a solid shot, but only a slight wound in something that size. The bear turned towards Jared. As it rushed toward him, Jared was able to aim, to concentrate. His training held true. In a breath, two arrows struck the same eye socket, and Jared was preparing the third as the bear fell. Jared looked at the elf, who had remained motionless through the attack. ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes |
That evening, the elf spoke.
“I would learn. You know how to kill. I would learn.” “Your accent isn’t right. Your elders didn’t teach you Common?” “I would learn.” “I heard. I understand. What I don’t understand is how you have a hard time with Common. The Elders teach it to their ambassadors and travelers before you’re old enough to be out of the Kingdoms. I’ve never met an elf without the perfect accent. ‘Till now.” “You know many of us?” the boy tried to sneer, but seemed unsure of himself. That was wrong, as well. “Yes, I do. Hundreds by name, thousands by sight. I’ve stood before your prince, and accepted the Blades of Flame. I’ve known enough to know that you should not be out of the Kingdoms. You’re a lad. How old are you?” “I’m not from the kingdoms.” “Yes, I know. I need to know from where. They are the Kingdoms. Say the word with dignity. Alas, I can’t teach you the accent. You’ll end up sounding uneducated.” “I would learn.” Jared smiled. “You have no idea about what I just told you, do you? Your prince, the Blades? Have you ever been to the Kingdoms?” The elf was silent. “OK. We’ll start from the beginning then. My name is Jared. Jared the Fletcher. This is my home. You are my guest. What should I call my guest?” “I have no name.” “What do your parents call you? Your public name?” “I have no parents. I have no name.” “Lord, elves don’t disrespect their family like that…” The elf began to cry. Jared had never seen an elf cry. Never. Jared knew better that to reach for the elf. Elves didn’t like to be touched. It was shocking when the elf stood up and rushed into his arms. He’s a baby, Jared thought, He must be much younger than I believed. Eventually, the elf slowed. Jared was worried, now. The elf sat in his lap. “Just like a ten year old boy,” Jared thought. “I’m only ten of your years old.” Jared was shocked. A baby! The youngest elf he had ever known was over a hundred years old! Younger than that weren’t even allowed to speak to outsiders. Suddenly, Jared was wishing he was back fighting dragons for the Elf Prince. “I have no name.” The boy whimpered. “Yes you do. You are Perin.” He looked down at the upturned face, and saw the fire reflecting in the dark eyes. They glowed red. “Perin Lighteyes.” ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes |
Good story so far RudeDawg! Now I find myself wondering about this captive elf?? And what kind of background does Jared have? http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif
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I'd appreciate criticism, both good and constructive... The characters will be fleshed out in the story, this is the Prolouge. I'll post part of Chap 1 tomorrow. I don't want to swamp this place with my scribblings... again, if anyone objects to me posting my stiory, let me know. http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...s/coollook.gif ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes |
Just now had time to read it. Rudi, it's really very good. You have to finish it now because I have so many unanswered questions. Jared's disbanded army? Where Perin came from? What's going to happen next? More, more, more. Author, author, author!
BTW: thanks for the help on BG2. Maybe I can try it out tomorrow. ------------------ Reeka--The Hand of Death O_H_F Lady in Waiting (found what I was waiting for) Official Party Planner and Events Coordinator of the Moon's Hope Inn Proud Member of the Ladies Guild GMDLM http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...ages/reeka.jpg |
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------------------ http://www.angelfire.com/rpg/stealthy/KungFuGal.gif |
Chapter One
The day was bright and sunny. Perin watched the young man tie the fletching to the arrow. “Very good, Morgan. That is work to be proud of. But at your speed, you’ll be my age when you get a quiver full.” “When I’m your age, I’ll have fletched enough arrows for an army, each as perfect as this one!” Morgan laughed. Perin grunted at the playful disrespect Of all the generations of the Fletcher men, Morgan reminded Perin of his great-grandfather the most. Just like Jared, he was full of happiness, and duty. “Thank you, Jared.” He whispered. A day did not pass that Perin didn’t think of his adopted father in thanks and memory. Perin stood, and watched out of the workshop. He looked on the small field, full of vegetables, and the trees beyond. The house and farm were still hidden, after all these years. Perin breathed the sweet air, and walked to the fruit trees. He knew that Morgan would be done soon, and they would go into town to sell the arrows. Like he always did, with Morgan’s father, his grandfather, and with Jared. It was a good life. It was a peaceful life. He looked in on it from the outside, a stranger in his own home. He looked up at the sun, and cursed the season. The peace was coming to an end, as it did every year. He had some time to spend, so he walked to the small pond. He knelt in the circle, and closed his eyes. Hours later, he breathed his way out of the mediation. Perin frowned. He was still restless, uneasy. He could not still the emotions filling him. He moved back to the house, to his room. In this sanctuary, he opened the chest. Holding the bundle, he felt a calm wrap him. Shaking his head, he cursed under his breath. He sought peace, looked for it as one would for treasure. It eluded him, always. Only when preparing for violence, did he feel the peace he wanted. Sometimes he wondered why he tried. “Peace is in you, child.” He remembered Jared’s loving tones. “Open your heart.” Those words burned Perin’s eyes. It was two days after they were spoken that terror struck the farm. Morgan’s voice called out in the afternoon, announcing lunch. After they ate, the two would pack for their journey. At the fair, they would sell the arrows that Morgan had made. Perin would meet with the sell-swords, the mercenaries, and find a new cause to fight for. Winter was coming, and his killing-season was here. The scar traveling down his face burned, with a ghost pain. The pain resided in memory, and it kept him warm at night. He knew that it was flush with blood, slightly red against his skin. The scar marred the elven beauty he was born with. Perin felt that it suited him better. ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes |
Morgan was twelve, and this fair was a right-of-passage for him. He was secretly glad that his father was away, and that Perin had to come to take him. Perin was a legend, walking among men. He knew that this time, Perin would not hide the truth from him. He might finally hear the history of his family’s oldest friend.
“Why don’t you wear your weapons?” he asked the tall, dark elf . Perin rarely rode a horse, but seemed to be holding himself back, waiting for Morgan’s ride to keep up. Even when he looked up at Morgan, there was a presence in his face. His voice was full of command, so unlike the other elves who visited the town. “Let me hold on to my illusions, just one more day.” “How can you wish to be anything but the soldier? You are a legend! You have a name that people whisper. Everyone knows you. They know your deeds, and your past. People watch you. How can you not love that?” Morgan’s childish enthusiasm grated on Perin. He loved the young man, but wished he had been home longer, had tempered the youth’s thoughts. He didn’t want to repeat the mistake he had made with Morgan’s father. It was time to talk to Morgan. It was time to teach him. He needed to learn fear. “We’ll camp inside the tree line tonight, and finish out walk tomorrow. Gather wood for the fire, Morgan.” ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes |
After dinner, the fire glowed with warmth. Morgan looked around him excitedly. It was as he had always imagined it.
“Will you let me meet the soldiers?” He asked, “I want to show them what I can do.” “Why?” The fire warmed Perin’s feet, and set his bones to aching. His old scars and battered limbs hurt at night, when he was tired. “I want to soldier, like you and father.” “Why would you?” “It brings you glory, it makes my father’s name proud.” Morgan looked puzzled. Silently, Perin tugged his leather tunic over his head. Fine lines crossed his torso like a web, over his chest and back. He moved toward Morgan, and let the fire send shadows across his disfigured face and body. “This is what it brings, not glory. Scars and pain, boy. Battle only brings scars and pain. A soldier is born to meet death. He only escapes it when it claims him. Forget this stupid idea. Your father sent me to make sure you followed your path. I’m sending you to learn at the school. We want you to be a great man. You won’t repeat our mistake.” Morgan said nothing. He had seen the scars before. He had heard his father and Perin planning his life. He knew that they wanted Morgan to live a life of peace. He knew that he would never win an argument with Perin, but he did have a trump card. He played it. “You hate war. You always speak to me of the horror. Then, how can you live in it, always?” “I failed. I failed your great-grandfather. He wished me to be great, among elves and men. I turned on him, and failed. I am a soldier, nothing more. A hunter, who has never found his prey.” “You’re going to tell me of Jared, my great-grandfather, aren’t you?” Perin’s face softened. He loved this boy, and the man he reminded Perin of. “Yes, yes I am.” ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes |
Good stuff! The portrait of Perin at the end of each tale really helps me visualize as well.
Keep it going! ------------------ http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/memnoch/genwalk.gif http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/memnoch/memname.GIF |
just wondering, from a legal stand point. when you post something here under a registered acount. does it become copyrighted? sort of the same way you can prove you wrote something by mailing it to yourself and never opening the envelope?
or do i just sound crazy? ------------------ http://www.phpshop.net/images/slackerboy/golem1.gif http://www.ranchoweb.com/images/slac...slackerboy.gif http://www.phpshop.net/images/slackerboy/golem2.gif *Lord of the Screen Shot* |
I was wondering the same thing...
I've already decided not to post anything I am planning on sending out for publishing, and I remember when I got some poems published, they asked if i had posted them on the Net... This is just for fun, and practice... I need to work on my editing... ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes |
Bumping this so others can read some excellent work by RudeDawg.
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Now you are on a roll RudeDawg! Good background and descriptions! Sure is keeping me interested! I hope you continue it?
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It is wonderful, Rudi! Please post more. You really have to now, you can't leave us all hanging.
------------------ Reeka--The Hand of Death O_H_F Lady in Waiting (found what I was waiting for) Official Party Planner and Events Coordinator of the Moon's Hope Inn Proud Member of the Ladies Guild GMDLM http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...ages/reeka.jpg |
Excellent RudeDawg and to answer your earlier question, its fine, stories have always been popular on this forum. Keep it coming!
------------------ http://www.angelfire.com/rpg/stealthy/Stealthy.gif My doctor told me to eat more, but all this spam hasn't helped. Click here for the album site. Shadow Mage of the OHF. Funny Bone of the LH |
I really like your story RudeDawg. It's great.
------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...ages/mista.jpg Draconia, Dragon Queen |
Great story!!! I'm hooked! Ladyzeeke may be able to shine some light on the legal issue. Ask her about it.
------------------ Sir Taliesin Ten Rings there are, and nine gold torcs on the battlechiefs of old... |
Thanks for the encouragement, everyone! RL calls, but I'll post more of Chap 1 after work tomorrow... G'night ! http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/noncgi/smiles/sd3.gif gotta watch movie.... ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes |
OK, I'm back. This is going to take some time today, since I'm re-writing this from an OLD draft, and I'm doing heavy editing,and some major overhauls..
Thanks again to everyone for the encouragement, especially to you Reeka, for not letting me forget this... ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg http://www.phpshop.net/images/bg2guy/cov09.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Pfil |
The day after Jared named Perin, they went to work. Perin protested that they did not train at the weapons, but Jared was strict. They were up early, working in the field, cutting firewood, and taking care of the animals.
The work made Perin hungry, and he finally ate ravenously. He ate everything set before him, and adapted quickly to the structured life that Jared led. Up early every morning, Perin noticed the sunrise, and the way Jared paused to give thanks every day. Perin found that he, too, had things to give thanks for. Those simple quiet moments filled Perin with strength. On the morning of the third month, Perin was allowed to join Jared for a hunt. Perin’s nature allowed him to walk softly, but he marveled at Jared’s silence. As they passed through the woods, Jared pointed out tracks, and spoor, and other things that he felt Perin should know. Before they found their prey, Perin was already overwhelmed. On the walk home, Perin struggled with the small deer over his shoulders. Jared offered to help, but Perin was still trying to prove his worth. The next day, Jared was waiting for him in the yard, before daybreak. He handed Perin a staff, cut just for him, and began showing Perin the dance. Together, they moved from one stance into another, Jared flowing like water, and Perin following awkwardly. After a time, Jared replaced the staff with a pair of knives. Every morning, before their chores and the hunt, they practiced, with staff and knives. Six months later, Jared gave Perin a gift. The bow was as tall as Perin, which made it quite shorter than the one Jared used. When Perin tried to pull the string back, he was unable to. Jared said, “When you can pull the string, and hold it steady, you will learn archery. On your bow, a man’s bow. Learning on a child’s bow would ruin you.” For a year, Perin worked on the farm, and learned to track and hunt, and to handle the staff and knives. Jared taught him the beauty of the forest, and to love the silence. By the beginning of the second year Perin lived with Jared, he found he was happy. As spring began, Perin pulled the string back under Jared’s watchful eye. Perin held the string back for a slow count of five, and slowly returned it to the starting position. Jared smiled, and went to get the quiver he had made for Perin. Perin woke earlier from then on, since Jared did not relax on the chores or his weapon practice. The first day he was able to shoot five arrows, and no more. Each of them missed the bundle of hay he aimed at. Time passed, and Perin got better. Much better. The summer came, and with it, the trading festival at the village. Jared loaded the cart, and told Perin to bring his staff and bow. Perin spent the length of the trip naming the animals, plants and trees. Jared tried to correct him twice, but each time found that he was wrong, and Perin sharp eyes had made the correct observation. The village was full of people, and the crowds were loud. Perin squirmed a bit, but Jared’s calm presence made him stop. They pulled up to the inn, and Jared told Perin to bring in his pack. As the inn’s men took the cart and horses to the back, Jared led Perin into the first inn he had ever seen. ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg http://www.phpshop.net/images/bg2guy/cov09.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Pfil |
After they set their things into the room, Jared dragged Perin into the commons-room. He laughed away Perin’s protests.
“This is a festival, boy. You need to get used to the people, and the noise. You won’t spend all you time on the farm. You need to get used to them, especially for the contest tomorrow.” Perin sat up in his chair. The smell of the dinner before them filled his mouth. A heavy stew full of rabbit, venison, onions, and mushrooms, made heavy with red wine. He stuffed his mouth, and then stopped. “Wha contress?” He asked around his mouth full. Then he swallowed. “What contest?” “You’re entered in the archery and the staff contest. If you do well, you’ll also try for the tracking and the hunting ones. I’m not allowed to compete, but I’m judging this year. I see the surprise in your face. If I had told you, you would have argued. And I would have been upset.” “Contest? I can’t do well! I’m a child, and I’m never as good as you!” “Perin, I know what you can do, much more than you can. You will do well.” Perin did not know the feeling he felt clutching his stomach. He had never been nervous before. ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg http://www.phpshop.net/images/bg2guy/cov09.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Pfil |
Great story wRiterDawg
------------------ http://www.123imagehost.com/images/b...arrissig02.gif "the memories of a man in his old age, are deeds of a man in his prime" |
Author! Author! Bravo! More, Rudi! More! (And thanks!)
------------------ O_H_F http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...ages/reeka.jpg |
Respect!! http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif and bump
------------------ Regards http://homepages.compuserve.de/ComtessaM/img/anr.gif Mouse |
RudeDawg,
Great story. I finally got a chance to sit down and read this. If this is your idea of a teaser......it worked.http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif I would love to read more if you're willing to share and have the time. http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif |
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Everyone has been very kind in your assessments. I've been spending most of my writing time on another project, but as soon as I get the bulk of that done (If I pause on that one, I'll never get it going again. It's kinda painful for me), I'll get back to The Forging. The GreatfulDawg (we need a greatful dead smiley) ------------------ http://publish.hometown.aol.com/tobb...s/rudedawg.jpg http://www.phpshop.net/images/bg2guy/cov09.jpg The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Pfil |
Just read this for the first time RudeDawg. 'Tis good. I'm interested in the characters. Let's see the next part!
I hesitate to offer any criticism, 'cause your fans will slay me...! BUT - I would like to see the story filled out a little more - and you need to do a bit of editing and polishing. However, you have the makings of a very, very good story here. KEEP IT GOING! I can see it getting darker.....! ------------------ http://www.ranchoweb.com/images/bg2guy/bitchingcopy.gif http://www.ranchoweb.com/images/bg2guy/fljotsdale.gif http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...s/EEhearts.gif |
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It's been too long since I wrote seriously... ah well, that's why I want to post here, to get everyone's input... ------------------ http://www.tgeweb.com/cgi-bin/ubb/no...s/rudedawg.jpg http://www.wizardrealm.com/images/rd.gif |
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