Who doesn't appreciate a good joke or two?

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, ''Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.''
So the Doberman says, ''I love liver and cheese.''
The Collie says, ''That's not good enough.''
The Bulldog says, ''I hate liver and cheese.''
She says, ''That's not creative.''
Finally, with his Mexican accent, the Chihuahua says, ''Liver alone......cheese mine.''

And why not another one?

Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. The individual events final comes down to the Russian and the American competing for the gold medal.
Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer comes to him and says, “Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!” The wrestler nods in agreement.
Now, to the match: the American and the Russian circle each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunges forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment goes up from the crowd, and the trainer buries his face in his hands for he knows all is lost. He can't watch the ending.
Suddenly there's a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raises his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hits the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapses on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.
The trainer is astounded! When he finally gets the American wrestler alone, he asks, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”
The wrestler answers, “Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!”

Hope you like it! Maybe I'll put some more down tomorrow...

Found this one too




A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, "He's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

----
and this one

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $400 to do what I do for you for free!" she fumes.

The man ponders that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags.

"What do you think you are doing?" she screams.

"Going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you'll live on $800 a year!" he says.

--
enjoy!

I guess I'll throw one into the ring:

(clears throat) - Title: Captain Bravado

Long ago there lived an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado. He was a manly man's man, who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic.
Captain Bravado bellowed "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the Captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates.
That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the Captain "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?" The Captain replied "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight unafraid." All of the men sat and marvelled at the courage of such a manly man's man.
As dwan came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, but TEN, pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders. Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted "Get me my brown pants!"

lmao! how rude can we get? i wouldn't want to...disturb anyone!

This one here is not for the faint of heart:
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oh, and by the way, the only ones I have told this joke to who actually laughed, were Icelanders and Germans, wonder why?
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.This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a
whiskey.

"Ye see that fence over there?" he says to the bartender. "Ah built it
with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the
trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they
call me 'McGregor the Fence-Builder?' No..."

He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. "Ye see that pier on the
loch?" He continues, "AH built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the
loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they
call me 'McGregor the Pier-Builder?' No."

"But ye ■■■■ ONE sheep...."

Pretty gross there Vicotnik. You should rename yourself Vicosick! Your other jokes were good, but now you have stepped over the boundaries of taste. Sheep? Blec!! As Zenith said, I won't, eh, disturb you (runs away arms aflailin!)

Theres this sultry ewe I've had my eye on... but I digress ok this one is nasty so all have been warned-

How to you know if your roommate is gay?
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His dick tastes like SHIT!

Is it OK if I just go ahead and puke here?

I will forgive you this once Vicotnik, but you really don't want to see a mad spaniard chasing after you in a kilt waving a rotten haggis now do you?
On a more serious note, remember a lot of juveniles come here in the mistaken belief they might get some help!

Ok I will post a 'clean' joke to settle your stomachs

A guy is sitting in a bar and another man sits down next to him.
The first guy looks at the second and says in a thick irish accent "do I know you from somewhere?"
The second guys looks over and reply's "I don't know" in an equally thick irish accent
The first guy says "Hey you are from Ireland"
"Yes" says the second guy
"I am from Ireland too" says the first
"What part of Ireland?"
"Dublind" says the second
"Me too" says the first
"Where did you attend school?" asks the first guy
"St. Patricks" says the second
"Me too" shouts the first guy "What year?"
"1969" says the second
"You've got to be kidding, I graduated 1969 too"
A man sitting at the end of the bar who has been listening in says to the bartender "what's going on down there?"
"The o'mally twins are drunk again" says the bartender
Ba..da..dum
Ok I said it was clean, not good

Moridin: Thank you.

Cloudbringer, backing out of the tent

*summons a Pit Fiend into the center of this room of sleaze, dirt, and Ice Weasels and runs out as it starts to chase after him!*

damnit! always forget about pretection from evil..

Caliton: teehee


Cloudbringer, moving the rest of the way out of the tent now

Ok i join in now the ladies have left.

Little Johnny and Suzie were walking home from school after their first sex education class, when Suzie said that one thing she didn't understand about it all was, "What is a penis?" Little Johnny said he didn't know either, but would ask his father that night, because his father "Knew everything." That night, when Johnny's father came home from work, Little Johnny asked, "Dad, what's a penis?" Johnny's father led him into the bedroom, where Johnny's father dropped his trousers, pointed down, and said, "That, Johnny, is a penis." He then looked down at it and added, "In fact, that's what I would call a PERFECT penis!" Little Johnny was impressed, thanked his father for explaining it, and ran out to play. The next morning, Little Johnny and Suzie were walking to school when Johnny proudly announced that he knew what a penis is. Suzie wanted to know, so Johnny led her around behind a bush, dropped his trousers, pointed down, and announced, "That, Suzie, is a penis." He looked down at it and added, "In fact, if it was just 3 inches shorter, it would be a PERFECT penis!!!

and heres a clean one.

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay. It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..." "My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?" "He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

Two cannibals are eating a clown, the first one stares at the meat, looks up, and says to his mate "Does this meat taste funny to you"

Husband 1.0 vs Boyfriend 5.0


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Hot-sex 1.0 and Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

Desperate Wife.

---------------------------------------------

Dear Desperate Wife,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files.

DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Keep-a-nice-body 10.1

Tech Support

lets see if i can still recall this joke...
its a clean one... maybe a lame one

lets see now..

one day when you grow old...
you may lose riches
you may lose your properties
you may even lose everything youve ever own
the one thing you may not lose is your good looks... why??
because how can you lose something if you never even had it...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

He just ate the cue ball off my pool table--whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight.

Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled
it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed thatcue ball, he measures everything first."

I just want to say sorry in advance to any blonds that read these joke.

What did the blond say when she saw a box of cherrios?
"look donut seeds"

What do a bottle of beer and a blond have in commen?
They are both empty from the neck up.

hahah

Q. Why do cowboys have the same size balls?

A. So they can pull each others' horse trailers.

Hehe...

Sorry ladyzekke, I agree that one with the sheep was 'a tad' over the line!

But here's a pretty clean one, but still very funny! ENjoy!

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

and one more:

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes and in that time, you can do anything you want." With a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking knowingly.

Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head."

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Too much?

thats a good one..!!!

what is a bar stool turned upside-down
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seating for four at a gay bar

A letter of recomendation

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often, Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is an individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classified as a high-caliber employee, the type that cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible.

Regards,
Project Leader

KEEP READING...

Shortly thereafter, the HR department received the following memo from the Project Leader:

Sorry, but that idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines for my assessment.

Regards,
Project Leader

Tommy Cooper Jokes

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.'

"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

Hmmm I thought the sheep joke was pretty funny actually, the only jokes I will NOT listen to are racist ones. (However, being a blonde I love dumb blonde jokes!)
(New Poll: is Melusine a pervert?)

I thought it was way more shocking when I was in a class last year discussing a novel by Fanny Burney and we talked about love and relationships that don't work out and my 'right learnèd and worshipful Professor of English Literature' whom I looked up to as someone who knew everything, made a
mumbling remark, looking as if seriously considering it, about "trying your luck with sheep... yeah there are like fifteen million people in this country as opposed to almost thirty million sheep"
???????



Anyone have anymore dumb blondes/ lightbulb jokes? This way please

A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmasist about birth control for his 11 year old daughter. Shocked, the Pharmistist asks "You're daughter is sexually active?" The guy relies "Nah, she just lays there like her mother."

This spicy (and long) one is dedicated to Riky and Azzy

· Two dutch guys (Azzy and Rikky ) are in the street and they suddenly hear a womans voice shouting:

"I need sex !!! I need sex !!!"

They look up and they see a woman shouting from her houses window. Then Rikard tells Azreall: "go man, and give her what shes asking !!" and Azzy enters the house and makes love with the girl. Then, when he finishes, he sees that the girl takes a pencil and draws a small line on the wall. He goes out from the house and then he hears the voice again:

"I need sex !!! I need sex !!!"

He tells Rikard: "whoa, this girl is SO hot. Its your turn now man, go see if can calm her ". Riky enters the house and makes love twice with the girl. When he finishes, he sees that the girl makes 2 marks with the pencil in the wall. He goes out from the house and then... the girl starts shouting from the window again !!

"I need sex !!! I need sex !!!"

Then a cool and nice spanish latin lover named **** appears and asks the dutches: "Hey, whats going on here ??". The other guys tell him that the woman is asking for sex but she´s insatiable, and the spanish guys says: "Bah, ill give her what she wants ". He enters the house... and time goes on: 1 hour, 2 hours... then, after 4 hours, the dutch guys hear the woman shouting from the window:

"I need a pencil !!! I need a pencil !!!"

This is a small selection of what I reaped after 2 mins searching with Yahoo

Q What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A lucky blonde
Q What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A pregnant blonde
Q What did the blondes left leg say to the right leg? A Nothing. They never met.
Q How can you make a blondes eyes light up? A Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer? A If you find whiteout on the screen.
Q What do you call a dumb blonde with a dollar on her head? A All you can eat under a buck
Q How does a dumb blonde turn on the lights after having sex? A Opens the car door
Q Why do dumb blondes laugh on Saturdays? A Because you told them a joke on Wenesday
Q How do you drown a dumb blond? A Place a sratch'n'sniff at the pool's bottom
Q What's 1 mile long and has a 40 IQ? A A dumb blondes fashion show.
Q What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? A When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
Q Why don't blondes make kool-aid? A They can't fit all the water in that tiny little packet.
Q What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? A You always hear about them but you never encounter any.
Q How do you drown a blonde? A Put a scratch'n'sniff sticker at the bottom of her pool.
Q What do blondes say after sex? A "Are all you guys on the same team?"
Q What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb? A You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Q What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette? A Artificial intelligence.
Q How do you know when a blonde has used your computer? A There's white-out on the screen.
Q What does a blonde do first thing in the morning? A Introduces herself and goes home.
Q What did the blonde mom say before her blonde daughter's first date? A "If you're not in bed by ten, come home."
Q What did the blonde say when her doctor told her she was pregnant? A "Is it mine?"
Q What goes vrrroom -- screech, vrrroom -- screech, vrrroom -- screech? A A blonde at a flashing red light.
Q What happened to the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus? A She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.
Q Why can't blondes dial 911? A They can't find the "eleven" button.
Q What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal works? A "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no..."
Q What do you call a skeleton in a closet? A Winner of an all-blonde hide'n'seek game.
Q Why are blonde jokes so short? A So men can remember them.
Q How do you change a blonde's mind? A Blow in her ear.
Q How can you tell which blonde is the waitress ? A She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? A "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes ? A Toes Go In First.
Q Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts ? A Tits Go In Front.
Q What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side ? A An interpreter.
Q What do you call a blonde between two brunettes ? A A mental block.

ROTFLMAO Melusine !!!!!

Why do blondes have 1 more neuron than cows ?? So that they dont do MOO when you touch her tits...

I forgot

Why do blondes have 1 more neuron than horses ?? So that they dont make shit in proccesions

Q)Why is there no school to teach for-play?
A)Because men would go stright to the finial exam.

One Sunday morning, William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."

After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married for thirty years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heartbroken. After 8 months, he eventually started dating girls again. A year later, he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

----
funny
----

Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.

They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today."

"What?" his father replied.

"When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, 'Jesus, I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming.' If it wasn't for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!"

Four blondes were driving to Disneyland and they saw a sign that said "Disneyland left", so they turned around and went home.

Vicotnik LMAO!!!
Ertai yeah i forgot the one about the cow (its hilarious)
but the one about the horse i didnt know

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On a Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.

On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's children's cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

A blonde decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when ... the Wal-Mart manager runs over to shut off the horse.



A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump."The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.

The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde.

"I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

Why I failed my English Exam!

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple....english muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a quineapig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural or tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitartian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.
Why, when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?