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-   -   Things We've Learned From Movies (http://www.ironworksforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39817)

Daniel_M 11-06-2003 06:51 AM

I know movies are not realy real thats why they are called movies ;) In some the main character defys all laws of the universe, heres some of the things we've learned from them.

1) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

2) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

3) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German you need not speak the language. A German accent will do.

4) If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

5) One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

6) You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one. ;)

7) Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.

8) Any computer, anywhere, even in the jungle, can hack into the most secure goverment system.

9) Always look behind you when you hear menacing violin music begin to play.

10) Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They usually know more than you do.

Mouse 11-06-2003 08:15 AM

Also.....

The teenagers having sex will die.

Whenever you enter a suspicious location, the most logical thing to do is to split up (especially if you suspect there might be a homicidal maniac nearby).

Steven Segal can't act.

"The Crying Game" - it's a bloke!!! :eek:

Sean Connery is the best Bond.

"Spiderman" - Kirsten Dunst looks better when wet [img]smile.gif[/img]

Robin Williams is not really all that funny.

"Titanic" - it sinks.

And so much more :D

Melusine 11-06-2003 09:08 AM

:D :D :D Cool topic.

When you're all alone at home and there's a homicidal maniac out to get you, you should dress in your skimpiest negligée and walk through the hallway, which will immediately go drafty and grow twice as long.

When a man and a woman wake up together, there are a few things I always notice: Sheets in movies are always L-shaped, reaching waisthigh for guys but up to the neck for women. The women always wear perfect make-up and their hairspray must be something amazing because there's never a hair out of place. Also, there's no such thing as bad morning breath: people waking up with invariably start kissing, even if they had chilli or a boozefest the previous night. Oh, and they never need a morning piss either, in fact no one in a movie ever needs the bathroom at all.

People in movies never need to pay for their drinks and food in bars and restaurants, and usually they've barely sipped their drinks before leaving again.

People know all the telephone numbers of any person they might need to call by heart and they never need to specify a date, location or time when they make appointments.

When people do their groceries (it's rare in movies though) they always get a free leek or a baguette so it will stick out of their shopping bag.


Never buy oranges - the paper bag you carry them in will invariably tear (but the person who helps you pick them up is probably the love of your life)

Never shower during the day - you will die. Especially if you've closed the shower curtain or if you're pretty.

Locks can be opened in about 10 seconds with a credit card or a bit of wire, unless it's the lock to a burning building with a helpless child or woman in it.

"Ugly" girls always wear huge glasses with thick rims. When the hero convinces them to take them off, all of a sudden they're the prettiest girls in town.

When a man so much as kisses a woman's neck, she's in pure exstacy and immediately "ready for it"

It's easier for one guy with six bullets to kill an entire regiment of bad guys than it is for three bad guys with automatic guns to kill a single guy.

Gnarf 11-06-2003 10:11 AM

Quote:

5) One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
Quote:

It's easier for one guy with six bullets to kill an entire regiment of bad guys than it is for three bad guys with automatic guns to kill a single guy.
This also be the 16th law of anime, the Law of Inverse Accuracy ( http://www.bright.net/~nyla/animelaw.html ).

Bozos of Bones 11-06-2003 11:35 AM

If I may add:
When shot upon from a distance, hide behind a very thin and weak railing. All the bullets will infallably crash into it like it's a magnet.
The good guy is usually highly resistant to the bad guy's strongest weapon.
Lovely damsels in distress can always hit a fly a mile away with a single shot from a chaingun with no sights.
Specially trained evil snipers will always miss their good targets, or hit them in a badge that will deflect the bullet.
If a terrorist organisation decides to take the White House, there are no soldiers to offer any resistance them.
The best friend that dies early is always the main bad guy.
A hand grenade will destroy a city block if thrown by a good guy at the bad guy, and a hand grenade thrown by a bad guy will explode like a firecracker. The inverse is it may explode like a pocket nuke.
When homicidal killers are in the area, mobile phones lose signal or have an empty battery due to the killers electromagnetic nature.
Killers with melee weapons can not be hurt by any form of ranged attack.

That's all I can come up with. I'll post some more when I think of them.

Daniel_M 11-06-2003 12:28 PM

Hehe...all of these are cool, ive thought of some more...

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. (its true! :D )

Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them

Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cutting - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

VulcanRider 11-06-2003 04:10 PM

A restaurant/nightclub with a line of people out the door, will always have an empty table up front by the stage.

Nightclubs packed shoulder-to-shoulder have both music loud enough to dance to, and spots quiet enough to have a conversation.

There's always a parking place right in front of the building you want to visit.

Strangers who have never visited the area before immediately know all the local landmarks ("Meet me at the abandoned barn behind the church that burned down last year." "Okie-dokey.")

Good guys can be shot/stabbed/etc and still perform like an Olympic athlete.

Bad guys who take a "karate chop" to the back of the head (from someone who doesn't know karate!) are knocked unconscious for the rest of the movie.

The Invincible Foe, is vincible.

The Weak Hero, after losing the first battle, is unstoppable.

When the bad guy has the good guy on his knees, and victory is almost assured, he will say something, or do something (like punch the hero's girlfriend), that will totally P*** OFF the hero and give him the burst of adrenalin needed to come back.

People can remember events that happened years ago in incredible detail.

The longshot, one-in-a-million, last chance for success always works.

Dreamer128 11-06-2003 05:16 PM

-The police always arrests the wrong person.
-When you step into your car in the middle of the night, check your back seat first.
-If you see men in black suits wearing sunglasses, run like hell.
-The geek always gets the girl.
-The bad guy won't kill the hero without explaining their plan first.

[ 11-06-2003, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: Dreamer128 ]

Tancred 11-06-2003 05:41 PM

When exiting a taxi, take a random note from your wallet WITHOUT LOOKING and give it to the driver. It will always be exact change.

Nanobyte 11-06-2003 10:36 PM

That life is nothing like the movies. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Nerull 11-07-2003 01:07 AM

B movies site

This guy comes up with a list of "what he learned from the movie" for each of the movies he reviews. He has some really good ones.

Oh, and great ones posted here as well (cool link, Gnarf!). Some I would add:

</font>
  • If the hero has a secret identity, any villian that discovers it will die after confronting the hero.</font>
  • With all of the alien/interdimensional races out there, everyone always speaks one language (especially when talking amongst themselves, away from everyone else).</font>
  • No matter how beat up the hero is, their inherent goodness causes them to instantly be refreshed when they need to beat the villian.</font>
  • Touch a match or torch to anything and it will go up like dry tinder.</font>
  • If the villian is shown to have a softer side, then they'll do something really nasty right before facing the hero for the last time.</font>
  • Anyone who knows martial arts is automatically more fit/competent than anyone else.</font>
  • Prostitutes all have hearts of gold and are sages when it comes to helping the hero with advice.</font>
  • Heroes, no matter how much crashing, traffic, damage to vehicle, etc. will never die in a vehicle accident while chasing the villian.</font>
  • You can never defeat a villian the first time you meet them.</font>
  • Never trust the family advisor/close friend. They work for the villian.</font>
  • Heroes can take on technologically advanced bad guys with primitive equipment and win.</font>
  • Guards are never competent or alert.</font>
  • Guards also will open the cell and run in without looking around if the hero sets up a diversion.</font>
That's all I can think of at the moment....

Azred 11-07-2003 01:32 AM

<font color = lightgreen>Any car involved in an accident will a) fly through the air and crash through a window, b) roll over, c)explode, or d) some combination of a, b, and c.

If you are the male lead in a romantic comedy, relax! You will get the girl in the end, no matter what kind of jerk you might have been during the movie.

Psychotic maniacs never die.

Don't bother trying to alert anyone. No one wants to hear about the Creepy Nameless Thing from Another Dimension That Wants to Suck Out Your Soul, or that it is jiggling and quivering down the street right now....

All ancient prophesies are true, and are about to become reality any second now.</font>

Faceman 11-07-2003 04:01 AM

+ all beds come with L-shaped covers (waist for men and chest for women)
+ You don't have to look at the road while driving
+ If there's an obstacle on the road people will always swerve and never brake.
+ bullets always spark when they hit something
+ when a pistol is empty the slide doesn't move back
+ any minor fire explosion will make any building/vehicle blow up as a whole as if it was packed up with Nitro

[ 11-07-2003, 04:06 AM: Message edited by: Faceman ]

Faceman 11-07-2003 04:02 AM

oh, and on that note check out www.nitpickers.com
they have a HUGE collection about plot flaws, technical or historical errors but also other small stuff you might never notice watching a movie for almost every flick.

Zuvio 11-07-2003 11:49 AM

<font color=gold>
You don't need to actually drink to get drunk! Just move the beverage close to your mouth and thats it!

You never have to lock you car, cuz it will never get stolen, even in ghetto's!

When driving around in your car, you enjoy the BEST steering-empowering there is in the world: you can turn your steer 90 degrees and you wont deviate one bit!

If someone tells you he can kill you in an instant at anytime, you'll probably end up killing him.
</font>

SpiritWarrior 11-08-2003 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Melusine:
:D :D :D Cool topic.

When you're all alone at home and there's a homicidal maniac out to get you, you should dress in your skimpiest negligée and walk through the hallway, which will immediately go drafty and grow twice as long.

When a man and a woman wake up together, there are a few things I always notice: Sheets in movies are always L-shaped, reaching waisthigh for guys but up to the neck for women. The women always wear perfect make-up and their hairspray must be something amazing because there's never a hair out of place. Also, there's no such thing as bad morning breath: people waking up with invariably start kissing, even if they had chilli or a boozefest the previous night. Oh, and they never need a morning piss either, in fact no one in a movie ever needs the bathroom at all.

People in movies never need to pay for their drinks and food in bars and restaurants, and usually they've barely sipped their drinks before leaving again.

People know all the telephone numbers of any person they might need to call by heart and they never need to specify a date, location or time when they make appointments.

When people do their groceries (it's rare in movies though) they always get a free leek or a baguette so it will stick out of their shopping bag.


Never buy oranges - the paper bag you carry them in will invariably tear (but the person who helps you pick them up is probably the love of your life)

Never shower during the day - you will die. Especially if you've closed the shower curtain or if you're pretty.

Locks can be opened in about 10 seconds with a credit card or a bit of wire, unless it's the lock to a burning building with a helpless child or woman in it.

"Ugly" girls always wear huge glasses with thick rims. When the hero convinces them to take them off, all of a sudden they're the prettiest girls in town.

When a man so much as kisses a woman's neck, she's in pure exstacy and immediately "ready for it"

It's easier for one guy with six bullets to kill an entire regiment of bad guys than it is for three bad guys with automatic guns to kill a single guy.

ROFL! I love the grocery one cuz It's true.

Xen 11-09-2003 04:24 AM

Also...

They never lock their car(s) and ....the bad guy ALWAYS survives and wants to kill the hero and then his faithuful partner recues him from certain death... [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Horatio 11-10-2003 05:18 PM

- The cutest girl is always standing alone by the bar.

- Never get friendly with anyone twice your age...they will attempt to become your mentor, then be struck down by the villain.

- Every chain-link fence can be scaled in seconds

- Don't bother aiming, you'll hit the foot soldiers with ease!

- The good guy can slaughter hundreds of villains and there'll never be an inquiry

- In the sequel you'll probably die or come out of retirement.

Nerull 11-10-2003 08:30 PM

Some additions:
</font>
  • The protagonist during a war can ride/run around out in the open where anyone can see him, yet the only people that will target him (other than a few "peons" to show the hero killing enemies) are enemy leaders.</font>
  • There is no such thing as defense in boxing.</font>
  • If you get fatally injured, and you have something to say, you can always linger around long enough to say whatever is on your mind.</font>
  • When being hunted by a serial killer, it is natural for people to split up, go into dark places, and otherwise make themselves easy targets.</font>
  • Whenever bad things are about to happen, it is always stormy/lightning outside.</font>
  • People who are about to die by some horrible creature just stand there frozen and screaming (or if they run, then they fall and twist their ankle).</font>
  • If the guy is completely obsessive about chasing the girl he will win her heart (and you wonder why there are so many stalkers out there?).</font>
  • Intelligent and scholarly types always wear glasses.</font>
  • Every old mansion has secret passageways.</font>
  • Anyone who washes their face by the bathroom mirror, opens the medicine cabinet, etc. is going to die (and they will always see the killer in the mirror before they die).</font>

cloud ff7 38 11-11-2003 09:32 AM

What about
Even when your in an open field or running down an alley way there is always a place you cant jump into to get away from people chasing you.

Aelia Jusa 11-11-2003 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Melusine:


People know all the telephone numbers of any person they might need to call by heart and they never need to specify a date, location or time when they make appointments.

The reason people have no trouble remembering phone numbers in American movies is that they invaribly start with 555. No matter what city or state they're in :D

If you're set upon by a group of baddies who know martial arts, don't worry. Each will attack separately while the others wait their turn so you have a chance to pick them off one by one.

Nerull 11-11-2003 11:22 PM

Okay, some more:

</font>
  • When fighting evil Chinese martial artists, the only to defeat them is to learn their fighting style or to learn the "secret style" that is better than their style.</font>
  • Women always have orgasms when having sex.</font>
  • Serial killers are the most versatile killers in the world; they know how to kill anyone with anything from garden shears to toothpicks.</font>
  • Whenever you have car trouble on a rainy night, there will always be a house nearby that you really do not want to visit, but will anyway (i.e. most of the group will not be leaving).</font>
  • In any group of friends that are going to be killed by a serial killer, there is at least one slutty girl, one nerd, one jock, and one "good girl" (i.e. birds of a feather do NOT flock together).</font>
  • All robots, monsters, and other creatures that are terrorizing you are all immune to bullets. Without exception. It is a fundamental law of the universe that guns can kill you but not anything that that is hunting you. Don't even bother to pack the gun, just run away.</font>
  • Anyone who uses tarot cards can tell the future with perfect accuracy.</font>
  • All people in high school look like they are in their twenties.</font>
  • Bartenders are always the greatest source of knowledge you can get.</font>
  • When you need to find out something about a past event involving a person, there is always an old newspaper clipping on microfilm that you can find.</font>

Xen 11-12-2003 05:23 PM

Also the main guy&gal always end up in bed the same eve they meet eachother...

Faceman 11-12-2003 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Nerull:
Some additions:
</font>
  • ...</font>
  • Whenever bad things are about to happen, it is always stormy/lightning outside.
    ...</font>

This is why I love some of the Hitchcock movies. He manages to convey tension and fear even in broad daylight or in a public place, in an enviroment generally considered totally safe.


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