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Hi,
I'm new to this particular forum, and i was wondering if anyone would be interested in seeing a part of an *original* fantasy type story that I'm currently writing. I'm hoping to write a proper-length novel. If anyone is interested in reading and submitting some constructive criticism it would be great..... thanks in advance. Also, if anyone else has some original fantasy work that they have written, please post it on this thread, as i would also like to see what other people are capable of.... If you would like to see some of my stuff, I will post it on this thread when i get time, probably in the next few days http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif ------------------ ........And in the darkness bind them...... |
Well, you've come to the right place, it seems.
Many of us here post our work for it to be reviewed and commented on. http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif I'm sure several of us here would like to read what you are working on. Also, check out some threads on General Discussions like: Tears Fountain Sanctuary (poetry) and several "A chapter of a story I'd like to share with you'-type threads over there. Welcome! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/wavey.gif ------------------ http://home-3.12move.nl/~se021070/dragon2.jpg http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/hero2.gif Alureth...Dragon friend of Breanna, Mage and Advisor in the Court of Lady Lioness Co-Owner/Operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan. Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force Sublime Sister of the Illuminati - may the Light shine forever! Second Historian and Scribe of IW. Mother Hen of IW. Mage extraordinair, Pin-Up Girl for the OLD-COOTS Magey-Wagey: performer in the Nekked Dancing Trio of the ORT. Hopeless Romantic *sigh* [This message has been edited by DragonMage (edited 10-18-2001).] |
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------------------ "I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." -Robert McCloskey http://www.wizardrealm.com/images/hs2.gif <UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>Token lackwit of HADB<LI>Sycophant to the Wolf of Azure Hue<LI>Long lost brother of DragonMage<LI>Bearer of a work of art created by Sazerac<LI>Jeg burde blive gennembanket for min flatulens.[/list] [This message has been edited by Hiram Sedai (edited 10-18-2001).] |
I'd be very interested in your story YeRFDoG. By the way, nice nickname. What does it mean?
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AAMOF, I believe almost everyone here has plans towards writing a fantasy novel (I know I do) I'd be glad to comment on what you've got so far, and maybe one day I'll show you some of my 'work' too (the problem is that I still haven't decided wether to do it in English or in Dutch, and I have so many ideas that I cannot possibly fit them all in a single novel, not to mention the enormous gaps that are still there. *sigh* Who ever said that a writer's life would be easy http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif)
------------------ The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew, and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain. All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/hero.gif http://www.angelfire.com/realm/spijl/wc3ranger.gif |
Thanks for the replies.... I will post some of my story on monday
Btw mitsos, my nickname is my RL surname mixed around a bit, which my friend came up with on the spur of the moment. It doesn't mean anything, it's just original, so I like it http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif ------------------ ........And in the darkness bind them...... |
Freydog? Isn't that an ancient Germanic name for friday?
Came from their God Freya, or actually Godess if I remember correctly http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif ------------------ The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew, and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain. All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/hero.gif http://www.angelfire.com/realm/spijl/wc3ranger.gif |
Hey Legolas,
No thats not where my name or username came from, its actually Godfrey backwards.... Anyway, a part of my story is coming in about 5 mins http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif |
Hi again,
here is a part of my story, and i thank all in advance for any constructive criticism (no matter how bad it is http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif).... I admit that my names are a bit weird, corny or whatever, but give it a chance and please tell me what u think. As the lazy sun sunk below the eastern hills, Nivor Drahnol lay on his straw mattress and wondered what would be in store for him tomorrow. He was a sixteen-year-old orphan, a slave to the Lohrac family in the tiny human settlement of Cahnstone. His master, Mr Lohrac, was a smithy, skilled in the age-old trade of metalworking and forgery. Nivor himself was scarcely allowed in the blacksmith workshop, he was simply a source of labour (for which the Lohrac’s had paid no small dollar) and therefore should strictly never be seen by customers. Nivor led a physically hard life, and although the family treated him like a rusty anvil, he was fed, clothed and sheltered reasonably. Nevertheless Nivor hated his life and service to the Lohrac’s, as many in the circumstances would. When he was but an infant, Nivor was sold into slavery by his parents who needed money badly in order to buy food to live, or so he was told. Master Lohrac had mentioned such in rare moods of benevolence. Throughout his early life, young Nivor had heard tales of old about mythical creatures roaming endless wilderness many days away from Cahnstone. In his adolescence Nivor sensibly disregarded these tales as useless myth. Even if they were only half-true, nothing would help his case, nothing would free him short of his father returning out of the past and paying off Master Lohrac. Of course Nivor was not eager to see his father or mother again; but if it meant freedom? With such thoughts in mind, it is no wonder why Nivor did not look forward to the next day, or the foreseeable future, for that matter. Unbeknown to him, certain events would soon occur that would change his fate forever. It was many hours past dusk, yet Nivor could not sleep. He told himself that he ought to, as he would be dreadfully tired tomorrow, but to no avail. Tomorrow was also the day in which he had to rearrange Master Lohrac’s storehouse. He had to carry around heavy suits of mail and preposterous iron gauntlets as fast as possible, to the crack of Mr Lohrac’s gravelly voice. Eventually Nivor drifted restlessly towards sleep, but suddenly he heard the distant sound of horses hooves beating on the cobblestone road. Someone was galloping towards the town, at a time when all were usually deep asleep. Something was amiss, but what? Nivor sighed to himself and desperately tried to get to sleep, it would be no one concerning him and he really couldn’t afford to be tired tomorrow. But then something happened which roused his attention further, now he was fully awake. Sleep, for the moment, was forgotten. There was not just one rider but many. What really made him listen was the sound the riders made. They were yelling to one another as they galloped closer, in a mysterious tongue he did not recognise. The speech, if it can be called that, sounded vulgar, corrupted, and very unusual. It rose and fell in harsh snorts, snarls and guttural noises. Here and there, Nivor heard a throaty click or expression that almost sounded like the common tongue he knew, but not quite. As the weird horsemen got closer, their ‘voices’ rose to a climax, followed by the scraping sound of sword being drawn from scabbard. By this time many of the townsfolk had awakened, and their voices could be heard in the frenzy. Nivor rose from his meagre bed and slipped into his dirty tunic and sandals, deciding that he would wake Master Lohrac. He ran to the Lohrac’s house (for Nivor lived in a little shed out the back of the family property) and searched for his master and his wife (any children the Lohrac’s must have had probably moved out years before). They were no where to be seen. Evidently they had rushed out to hear what was happening. The slave rushed through the family house, looking for his Master. He wasn’t there. Nivor then proceeded to run outside onto the street, still looking and shouting for Master. Yet as soon as he ran outside something stopped him; he skidded to a halt on his rough sandals. The mysterious riders were plain to see, mounted on dark steeds, their glowing torches flying through the air, to land on straw-thatched roofs, setting them ablaze like a magnificent sunset. Nivor was too stunned to act, and the Lohrac’s were still nowhere in sight. Nearby, villagers fell to the glimmering swords of the outlanders, as a few of the town guards attempted a half-hearted resistance, swords drawn hastily, armour half on. Thus it was towards this scene that Nivor had mixed emotions. He could quite easily escape from his life of hell by running away. Yet all he knew was here in Cahnstone, he had no idea of what creatures and perils lay outside this meager township, and he didn’t have much of an idea how to survive. But life here was a life of constant hardship and dreadful physical labour, surely anything could be better than that? As he pondered his actions, the fight drew closer to Nivor, and by now many villages, guards, and riders lay slain in front of him. ------------------ ........And in the darkness bind them...... |
Very good YeRFDoG!!!
Great job! ------------------ http://www.angelfire.com/rpg/castlet...ifs/knight.gif http://members.fortunecity.com/agrid...s/byronas2.gif Where there are monsters and barbarians there will be Byronas fighting against them. |
OOoooh! I like it! And don't worry about the names. They aren't 'weird' at all! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif This is GREAT!
*starts chanting* MORE! MORE! MORE! MORE! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif So far, no criticisms to be had. Just remember to break this into paragraphs when you publish it! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif |
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As for your text, you're writing pretty good, but were I you there are a couple of things you should think about. First and foremost, using brackets in a story is not a very good idea. You may have done this because we did not get to read a lot of Nivor's history, in which case it's okay. Second, at one point you're telling what is going to happen to Nivor. Some writers prefer working that way, others don't. Personally I wouldn't do it but that's your choice Finally, I noticed you're using very few descriptions of the surrounding area. One of the more important things a writer has to do is make a balance between telling a fluid story and creating a world which the reader can visualize. This is hard and takes a lot of time to get right, just experiment with that a bit. ------------------ The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew, and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain. All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/hero.gif http://www.angelfire.com/realm/spijl/wc3ranger.gif [This message has been edited by Legolas the Elven Archer (edited 10-22-2001).] |
Thank you all!!
Especially Legolas for *very* helpful criticism http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif I value what you posted and see the point Btw i will break it into proper paragraphs So... do u want me to post more or can someone else post some of their original work?? ------------------ ........And in the darkness bind them...... |
I'd be happy to read some more, or I could post the (uneventful) beginning of my own 'book' (I finally decided to do it in English) or both. Your call.
------------------ The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew, and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain. All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/hero.gif http://www.angelfire.com/realm/spijl/wc3ranger.gif |
Er... hello YeRFDoG aka Jason G! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif Good story (did I post that at OUAP too?)! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/fairy.gif
------------------ http://imagehosting.bidbay.com/image.php3?imgID=614236 http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/hero2.gif Sapphire Dragoness of ALSB Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe Guardian of the Temple of Aerie (specialized in GenCon and BG) Magess of Lady Lioness' Court Saint of the SoS Historian of IW Most Illustrious Arch-Magess of the Illuminati Lux omnis est Once Upon A Paper Writer's Forum |
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And Legolas, post yours, too! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif If we all keep this up, we'll need to join up on Kaz's OUaP site! http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif |
Post! Post! Post!
I will post some more of my story when i get some time in a few days, (btw a fight is coming up) but i would reallylike to see your stuff too, Dragonmage and Legolas.... Oh yeah hi Kaz http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif ------------------ ........And in the darkness bind them...... |
Standing atop the walls of Lanthal Sieth watched the row of men, women and carts as they slowly moved towards the castle. Through his looking glass he could see two of the men struggle as they unwrapped a lightblue banner. It bore the mark of Aric, a grey horse, staggering in front of a dark red sun. Though it would take the column a few more hours to reach his home, Sieth descended into the courtyard and moved towards the keep to warn his parents.
As usual, Sieth was too late. Lady Shais was already instructing some servants, making sure that there would be food for the travellers and room in the barracks and stables. Three men-at-arms were struggling with Lord Eirar's armour. With Sieth's help, it didn't take too long before the Lord stood ready. Despite his age, the ruler of Sarìn was an imposing figure. White hair worked with grey iron to create an image of a tanned face. A slim but muscular posture indicated Eirar was once a mighty warrior, but even within his keep he could best most of his guardsmen. Lady Shais turned to face her son. 'You had best get dressed too, Sieth.' He did as she asked and went to his chambers. Clean clothes were already laid out for him on his bed. Sieth could get one of the servants to help him, but he felt he could dress himself equally well. Looking in the mirror he could easily see the resemblances he showed with his father. His short, blonde hair would one day be as grey as his father's, and he had the same thin nose and angular jawline as well. Training and swordplay had made him stronger than most other boys of his age as well. From his mother, all that he had inherited were the red eyes and one lock of brown hair on the left side of his face. Sieth started towards the courtyard again, where his father would no-doubt be waiting for Lord Aric to arrive. When the travellers finally reached the gates, ten armsmen were sent out. More than one castle had fallen because the lords weren't careful, and Eirar didn't want to make such a mistake. Yet all of Aric's companions were human, and they were allowed entry. As soon as the first guards rode through the gates servants and stableboys moved forward to take horses and give directions. Soon after, Aric and his group of veteran armsmen entered. With the help of one of them, Lord Aric dismounted and walked toward Eirar. The two men were close friends and had fought the Enemy together on many occasions. Yet no such matter had brought Aric to Lanthal. It was more of a social call. Soon the two lords were heading for the main hall together, talking and laughing heartily. For Sieth, the lord was like an uncle. For Eirar, a brother. The men-at-arms in the courtyard remained still for a while, then went to help the rest of Aric's small army. 'Man had left it's caves only a few score years ago. The dwarven clans had driven him out into the sun. Man found the land occupied by colourful animals, elves and other creatures. They were as hostile as the dwarfs. Though at first man was outnumbered and underarmed, more and more were forced to leave their ancestral homes. Eventually man managed to take hold of a small valley and built defences. How man knew this technique is unknown. Surely they must have had no use for walls in their caves? Yet there man was, using clay from the rivers, wood from the forests and blocks of stone from the mountain's skirts. And Man had a valley of it's own. Man worked iron and created armour. Man used steel and made weapons. Man remembered how to create spears and bows. Man tried to make other weapons too. Small metal boxes firing lead balls, and swords. But these failed. Man moved from the valley, away from the mountains to conquer more land. At first surprised by man's equipment, the Enemy lost battle after battle. After four months, Man took over Geldon. After four months, the Enemy knew how to fight Man. Man nor the Enemy could drive the other away. So it remains.' 'But surely we can gain some advantage?' Sieth asked. 'Whenever Man thinks of something new, the Enemy finds an answer shortly after.' Sieth's history teacher was interrupted by the arrival of a servant. 'Lady Shais requests your presence in the smaller hall, young master.' Sieth got up and followed the man to the hall. His mother was alone in the hall, not counting the servants, who were everywhere all the time. The hall itself was one of three in the castle. The other two, the Main hall and the larger hall, which was only used on special occasions, were more decorated than the smaller hall. This hall was actually quite sober, having only a statue or six along the sides and brandishing maybe two dozen banners, leaving a lot of bare wall visible. A blazing hearth warmed the hall, which would otherwise have been quite cold this time of year. Dried mosses lay on the floor for additional warmth. 'Where are father and Lord Aric?' Sieth asked. 'They have gone hunting in Largewood, my son' 'Largewood?' Sieth was confused. Lord Eiror had always preferred the woods near the town of Lanthal for hunting. 'I sent him there so you can visit your friend' his mother explained. 'I want you to spend some time with Nathan.' ------------------ The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew, and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain. All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/hero.gif http://www.angelfire.com/realm/spijl/wc3ranger.gif |
Hey nice story Legolas!
I particularly liked the detail in your descriptions, and the dialogue is good and for me seems to make the story more interesting.... Also the background, the world is presented in detail, and hints at a planned out world. In contrast i suppose to my part, where i haven't said anything much about the world yet - infact i am still thinking about much of whats in it http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif The only thing that confused me is how it jumped a bit from talking about Aric to the history of man. I realise that this is probably important to the story for you to do it this way, it's your style, i like it! But it just seemed a bit confusing. By the way who is the enemy?? You have raised my curiosity, which is good of course http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif ------------------ ........And in the darkness bind them...... |
Thanks for the praise http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif
When I first started to try and write my story I quickly found outthat the characters had to have reasons to do what they did, so I had to come up with a short history. Unfortunately, I constantly discovered that I needed more and more history all the time before I could even begin writing... But like you said, that eventually results in a pretty detailed and more realistic world than it would have been withut the background. The dialouge is actually one of the which I'm unsure about. In my opinion they could be better but I haven't discovered how yet. As for the jump, I know that the completed story would never reach novel-sizehttp://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif, so I like to keep some room for additions. Depending on how much more I need, I could describe two to four days in which Aric visits, but I want to thicken out the complete skeleton first (I've got a small list of things that are going to happen, and the first part of the story is going to link them together. After that, I can put on the 'flesh'http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif) And as for the Enemy, that's pretty much any consious creature in the world that is not man (elves, dwarves, dragons and the like are all the Enemy. ) As you'll understand, the REAL enemy will show it's face later. The REAL history (before the time of the caves) will also come later http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...es/biggrin.gif ------------------ The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew, and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain. All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/hero.gif http://www.angelfire.com/realm/spijl/wc3ranger.gif |
Whohoo! :nonexistent applause smiley: great story! A word of warning to all of you: do not make the plot too rigid, plan too much of the story beforehand... I had to scrap last year's work because of that http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/frown.gif
C'mon, guys, join OUAP! With our 39 members it's kind of lonely... http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/frown.gif |
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------------------ The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew, and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain. All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/hero.gif http://www.angelfire.com/realm/spijl/wc3ranger.gif |
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I like it.... only a few members so far, so its a friendly sort of board. That I've noticed in the 2 or so days that i have been a member. Also, I think i said this before, but the idea of telling (or telling part of) a definative history for your world is a good idea, one which I should think about more http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/wink.gif ------------------ ........And in the darkness bind them...... |
Here is some more of my story, which reads straight on from the previous part.
Unsure as to his actions, Nivor scanned the nearby battlefield with scared, blue eyes. The slave caught a glimpse of one of his Master’s apprentices fighting, sword in hand, battling with a vicious looking man who must have been near seven feet tall. The apprentice had been one of very few people who had ever been reasonably fair to Nivor. Slowly the ideas of fleeing became quenched by pangs of guilt for not helping the people, his people, where he belonged. So with a newly found ferocity, Nivor ran to the aid of the apprentice. Arriving at the scene the slave saw that his Master’s apprentice was easily outmatched, already he was gashed with various wounds all over his body, his tunic a few tattered strands of fabric. With a fire in his eyes that was not his, Nivor charged up to the huge foe, his strong hands clenched into fists like bundles of stones. With one enormous blow the slave-turned fighter smacked the outlander hard in the face, unseen and unguarded by his iron helm. This strike was totally unexpected, the huge man did not even see Nivor, so with a dull thud the foe fell to the floor, out cold. The apprentice smiled faintly and collapsed to the ground also, for his wounds were many. “I thank you sir!”, he spoke with mock respect to the ‘noble slave’. “At your service”, replied Nivor, with sincerity for perhaps the first time in his life. “There is something you must do”, stated his friend rather softly, for the battle had moved elsewhere for the moment. “Myself…”, he paused, drawing breath. “I am finished… Take that fallen man’s weapon and defend the town. I am sure you will win freedom for your - ”, the man drew his breath slowly. Painfully he pulled in more air, a few short gasps. “Take his weapon!”, demanded the critically injured young man with a fair degree of effort. Without a word Nivor proceeded to do so, for he had been following orders all his life. As he clasped the long double-edged blade, the fallen apprentice let go a grunt and thrust his short sword into the unconscious man’s chest. With his last energy almost gone, the apprentice fell forward, on top of the large man, whispering “Go!” as he departed the realm of the living. Stunned beyond disbelief, Nivor stood still, sword still tightly in hand, eyes wide. Slowly, but with ever-increasing speed, the unfamiliar ferocity flared up again. Sweating, strong muscles beneath rippled his filthy tunic as he ran off to find the remainder of the battle. The fight was still raging down near the town square, where the rest of the town guards had regrouped and bravely fought against overwhelming odds. Nivor ran down towards the melee, not even noticing that most of the cottages and buildings of the town had already burnt to the ground. This time his arrival was seen by most of the men in the battle. Had this been any other situation the slave would have been quite a spectacle. Nivor did not recognize any of the people, as he rarely saw anyone other than Master Lohrac. Nevertheless he would later recall quite clearly that there were a few remaining guards, a couple of valiant villagers still in night robes and a man who looked rather like a rich merchant, all fighting for their lives. ------------------ ........And in the darkness bind them...... |
Looking good, Godfrey!
Nathan lived on a farm just outside Lanthal. His parents, Aial and Gwenne, had to work hard on the fields but thanks to their vegetable garden they were more independent than most. The Gann fields surrounding Lanthal provided the means to make bread, and one could get a reasonably high price for them on the market. Aial and Gwenne had two kho's who provided milk to the small family and pulled the plow. When Sieth appeared, he could see the three were hard at work in the vegetable garden. A twig snapped under his foot, and three brown heads turned in his direction. Aial and Gwenne both raised a muddy arm, while Nathan jumped up and ran over to his friend. 'Sieth! I thought you could never slip out, what with the other lord around!' Sieth wondered every time where Nathan got his eternal enthusiasm from, but he too was glad to see his friend. 'Mom finally found out last time,' he confessed. 'But she sent my father and Lord Aric to Largewood so I could get out.' Nathan didn't bother to close his mouth before speaking again. 'You got a great mother' 'She is, isn't she' Sieth was proud of her. 'Hey, let's go to the forest!' And with that, Nathan ran off. 'Nathan!' his mother shouted, 'we need you back here by midday!' Nathan turned to shout an acknowledgement, which gave Sieth just enough time to catch up. Nathan and Sieth were walking under the blue canopy of the forest now, each dragging a few thick branches along. They were headed for the glade where they built their hut and Sieth taught Nathan how to fight with a sword. The branches were thrown upon the already present ones, and Sieth walked to the back of the hut and retrieved to relatively straight sticks. Nathan winced at the idea of one of those sticks hitting his knuckles, but he was exited about learning more as well. Sieth handed him a stick and they took up a fighting stance. When the sun had passed it's highest point, Sieth put two sticks back in place, and threw the remains of a third in the bushes. Nathan was sucking his knuckles as the two returned to the farm. Aial was waiting for them with a piece of paper in his hand. 'We need to get some khomeat' he said. 'Will the two of you get some at the market?' Nathan was only too happy to oblige and took the money from his father's hand. Kore, Filr and Thran considered themselves some of the toughest guys in all of Lanthal. Smaller boys and girls hid when they saw the three coming. Even grownups were cautious when they were around. Now they were strolling about at the market. A charlatan approached them nonetheless. 'Oinment, sir?' he asked. 'What do we need that for, then?' Filr was annoyed because the man spoke to them without his permission. His friends were already laughing about what was to come. 'Ah, but they cure all imperfections, good sir. Mayhaps you would like to rid yourself from that birthmark on your cheek?' 'And what would that cost me, then' The charlatan, sensing a potential client, was quick in his reply. 'A mere seven pebs, sir' 'An' this stuff works, then?' Filr asked, keeping his face completely straight. 'Guaranteed, my lord' 'If it's so cheap an' it works, why didn't you put some on that wart then' Flir exclaimed. Laughing, he and his friends moved on, leaving a stunned salesman behind. The man slowly moved his hand up to his nose and sighed. 'Oh great. Now I have to find another job.' ------------------ The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew, and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain. All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/hero.gif http://www.angelfire.com/realm/spijl/wc3ranger.gif |
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It's interesting how you have created your own agricultural animal - the kho. For my story, I didn't concentrate on making the 'normal' type animals original, i thought i would stick with cows and chickens etc, but i also think your kho's are a good idea. Are you or have you made up an original race? That was one of first things i decided to do, but i found it very hard to make them truly original - in fact i couldn't http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/frown.gif Btw, I assume it's like a cow? Anyway, I liked your second part better than your first, and i like it how your story is building up and 'establishing a base', describing your younger characters.... ------------------ ........And in the darkness bind them...... |
It's a bit of a combination between a cow and a horse. The agricultural version is more like a workhorse, but there are also kho's for riding.
I still need to decide if this is all taking place on another planet or on earth, but in the latter case practically everything as we know it is destroyed. The organisms are replaced by others which the Enemy brought with it, so there's no such thing as grass, cows, grain, oaks, goats or flies. But that'll be a lot more difficult to do and I'm afraid I'll start overdoing it. Time'll tell, though. ------------------ The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew, and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain. All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/hero.gif http://www.angelfire.com/realm/spijl/wc3ranger.gif |
i want to write a novel its a dream ive had for years. I have a general plot but im asking for advice on what should be avoided and what should be included
------------------ Nor shadow or myst the jester is a myth he is absolute beware the jester http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...les/DRUIDD.gif |
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I'm new to writing anything of length too and it is something I have always wanted to do. All I can really say is that you make sure your stuff is original and that once you start you keep perservering.... Maybe Legolas will have some advice, he sounded pretty cluey with his critique of my stuff http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif Umm, be descriptive, make sure you have some idea of what you write. All of this is pretty obvious. But please if you do write something post some of it on here! ------------------ ........And in the darkness bind them...... |
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The first thing I do (though not everyone agrees on this) is make a general outline for the story. The disadvantage can be that you are limited by what you've made up and things may not fit in as the story develos. On the other hand, you'll have something to hold on to. Once you've gotten this far, you'll want to write the story. You're free to try and start right away (you'll learn a lot from that) but I've found that it pays to have a hostory for your world, as it gives the story more depth and somehow makes it seem more realistic. With the hisory too, you can just make a faint outline first. The you compare the two and look for anything that you'll have to add to your history to make the storyline fit in. Then, you can start writing. You'll need to experiment a lot with the amount of detail you can add, as it slows down the story but makes the world more alive. The main thing to keep in mind is that you don't want a lot of repetitions. Don't use a character's name or he/she the whole time, but create variety by using a title or a short description of the character. With a bit of practice, you'll soon start writing better and longer stories, and you can fill in any gaps by looking at how other writers solved a certain problem. At least, that's how it works in my experience. What works for me may not work for you, but in that case you'll quickly learn what not to do and use that knowledge in future stories. Now let's see that text of yours http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...iles/smile.gif ------------------ The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew, and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain. All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...miles/hero.gif http://www.angelfire.com/realm/spijl/wc3ranger.gif Legolas: Supreme Ranger-Protector of the Ironworks Maintainer of the as of the now opened Ranger-Protector of the Ironworks Clan Website Recruiter of Rangers |
thanks heaps!!
i have a few different plots that i want to try and work together and i have a vague history of the world too!! i knew to do that from one of your previous messages legolas im doin my hsc at the moment its like my final exams in high school as soon as their done im gunna start getting into my book. that and me and my friend are going to make a Drizzt MOD for BG2 ------------------ Nor shadow or myst the jester is a myth he is absolute beware the jester http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/no...les/DRUIDD.gif |
alright exams are finished and ive settled into work before i head off to uni
im gunna start my story now what hapened to the other stories being posted they were heaps good |
Yeah, well, my life just got a bit busier but I think I can squeeze in another part soon ;)
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Legolas:
Yeah, well, my life just got a bit busier but I think I can squeeze in another part soon ;) <hr></blockquote> Umm.... ditto that. Also I got MY exams now, so writing is kinda suspended :( |
wow you guys are one hell of an insperation spring
i`m gonna try make up a little story myself and if it`s not crap then maybe ill post it here ps.wish me good luck or maybe il just use baldurs gate lv9 spell:wish and wish for health and sucsess and start workin [img]smile.gif[/img] |
Good luck, I'm looking forward to reading your story [img]smile.gif[/img]
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<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by cloud88:
wow you guys are one hell of an insperation spring i`m gonna try make up a little story myself and if it`s not crap then maybe ill post it here ps.wish me good luck or maybe il just use baldurs gate lv9 spell:wish and wish for health and sucsess and start workin [img]smile.gif[/img] <hr></blockquote> YeRFDoG carefully tugged the fragile scroll out out of the metal cylinder and unrolled it with delicate slowness. He straightened the tattered parchment and silently read over the ancient runes. After a moments speculation, YeRFDoG decided that now was the time. Allowing the metal cylinder to noisily fall to the floor, he began reading the scroll aloud. Paying careful attention to getting the accent and phrasing perfect, he continued, his voice slowly growing louder. At last he reached the climax, thrusting the scroll outwards in one hand while making a magical gesture with the other. There was a surge of magical energy, audible to any normal person. And then.... A genie appeared Well what can I say? I was a little bored ;) Anyway, good luck with your story, cloud. It's definately worth doing. At the moment I have exams and am missing being able to write anything :( The main thing that I have learnt so far, is that a HUGE amount of perservering is required if you want your story to have length and some measure of quality. I would really like to see your stuff here........ |
Just bumping this back up. I'm feeling like digging up old threads today ;)
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Thanks Legolas,
I'll take this as an excuse to bump up my own thread [img]tongue.gif[/img] Anyway... hopefully I will soon add to this - and I encourage anyone else to aswell - I mean add your own original stuff. Or you can always go to the link on my sig, that's OUAP. |
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