Ironworks Gaming Forum - Ironworks the movieV: Lord of the Board

With an Orcish patrol approaching, Epona tries to warn the Zirocian forces before it is too late

Epona: Shit.. what was the number again? Oh, uh, 9-1-1. *quickly dials emergency number on her cell phone.
-Friendly voice-:This number costs…more then you think. Press one to continue.
Epona: *Dials a one.
-Friendly voice-: Please hold.
Meanwhile, only a few yards away.
Orc: Wait. You hear that? Methinks someone is behind rock over there.
Chieftain Sazerac: Hahaha, nono, too obvious. Me no stupid. Is a dec.. decep… something.
Epona: *Crawls even deeper behind rock.
-Friendly voice-: Hello, you are now connected to the Ironworks Emergency hotline.….
Epona: Just in time, listen I…
-FV-: No operators are available at this time, please hold while we play some of our merry tunes to help you pass the time.
Epona: Grrr!
Orc: Hey, you! Human, you no move! Chief, hey Chief!
Chieftain Sazerac: So, methinks me has caught a human spy yes.
Epona: Uh, well, hello there green-looking. You..uh…like to dance? My phone has a few nice tunes.
Chieftain Sazerac: Dance?

Meanwhile, back at the palace, Ziroc seems to have everything completely under control
Ziroc: *Runs down the hallway.
Reeka: *Comes running after Ziroc. Wait for us!
Memnoch: Yes! Wait for us.
Ziroc: Quickly then, that demon isn’t waiting.
Reeka: We’re coming. *Pushes passing soldier aside. Move it mate! V.I.P coming through.

Ziroc: *Locks magically looking door behind them.
Memnoch: Phew, that was close.
Ziroc: Say that, this is all your fault!
Reeka: My fault? The scroll should have specified that it was HAStur HAStur HAStur and not HasTUR Ha… hey! The ground is shaking again!
Memnoch: Z… think of your blood pressure. You look real creepy when your skin becomes so red.
Reeka: Uh…boss.. what are you doing with that axe?
Memnoch: *Pulls axe out of Zirocs hand. Relax, look at it from the bright side. There is A) no news from Epona. So I guess nothings happing at the front. And B) We are completely safe here as long we have your staff of power placed against the door.
Reeka: Oh, was that your Staff of Power? Well, that end table in the dining needed
a new leg, and you did ask me to fix it..
Reeka: Uh guys, what are you doing? C’mon, this is not funny anymore.

While our heroes are..well…killing each other. Epona has the date of her life

Chieftain Sazerac: ..I said YOUNG MAN! Pick yourself off the ground!
Epona: Young man, cause you’re in a new town…
Orc2: You no need to be unhappy..huhuhu.
Chieftain Sazerac: ITS FUN TO STAY Y.M.C.A
All: Y.M.C.A!

Meanwhile, a few URL’s away, at mount Choc..

Choc: .. And in response to Belgium thread to nuke N.Y. president Bush made the following statement: Please don’t hurt us, we’ll never insult your waffles again. The Belgium prime minister…
Melusine: *Comes running into the throne room. Chocie! Great news!
Choc: Grrr, how many times do I have to explain this to you. DON’T CALL ME CHOCIE! I’m an evil overlord and soon-to-be ruler of the internet. You think my enemy’s are ever going to take me serious like this?
Melusine: Aaah, you look so cute when your mad.
Choc: *Bangs head into the wall. Ok, just tell me the news and get lost.
Melusine: Well, your evil cat forces are almost ready for deployment.
Choc: Good. With my loyal troops by my side, and the one disk in my Dvd player, none will be able to stop me. Mwhuhahahaha.
Arledrian: Excuse me milord, telephone.
Choc: Thanks, ‘ello, Choc here.
Elrond: Hi! I’d like to respond to your ad for that free furnace.
Choc: Furnace? Free? I think you have the wrong number mate. Just who are you anyway?
Elrond: Wrong number?! Gotta go then, costs me a fortune to call from middle earth to the internet.
Choc: Hello? Hello? Hu, weirdo.
Melusine: There is one other thing Chocie.
Choc: Are you still here? Alright, what is it? And stop calling me Chocie.
Melusine: Well, a patrol I send out earlier still hasn’t returned.
Choc: Bah, they’ll turn up sooner or later. Now leave me be.
Melusine: Fine.

At the same time, on the other side of the great link

Chieftain Sazerac: eeeeeeeh, wanna feel my body baby?
Orcs: Check it out, check it out.
Chieftain Sazerac: Every Orc wants to be a maaaaacho man, always in demand.
All: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, macho, macho man.
Epona: He’s gotta be a macho man.

Chieftain Sazerac: Hu, human woman shows us a good time. So we let her go.
Orcs: Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah!!!!! Byyyyyye Epona. *Jump through the link.

Epona: Cough…too much music….much reach phone…
Phone: We are now connecting you to the central.
Epona: At last.
Phone: Hello! You are now connected to the Ironworks Ironworks emergency hotline.
Epona: Hello? Listen….
Phone: *Beep. Press a one if you suspect you have dialled the wrong number. Press a two to report a case of spamming. Press a three to report an error. Press a four in case of a life/death situa…
Phone: You have dialled a four. Press one if you are being murdered, press two if you suspect someone of flaming. Press three if you want to report suspicious activities of Cat-overlords and…
Phone: You have dialled a four.
Phone: We are now connecting you to the Zirocian palace.
Phone: No operators are available at this time, please hold while we play some of our merry tunes to help you pass the time.
Epona: Nooooooooooooooooo

Ten minutes later.
LoA: This way men!
Guard1: Look! There is a woman lying on the ground!
LoA: Stand back, I’m a doctor.
Guard2: Will she be ok?
LoA: Hm, an overdoses village people. Lethal. But I think we got to her just in time.

Back at the palace
Dizzy: Excuse me sir, we just had a phone call of your border operative. An Orcish patrol has been sighted. Choc can invade any moment now.
Ziroc: All right. Send word to the War Counsel. I have a plan to counter Chocs invasion…
[Dramatic music]

[ 06-09-2002, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: Dreamer128 ]