You really have to work on your inuendos bud [img]tongue.gif[/img]

i'd have to say it depends on who the free sex was with, if it was with the same woman, i might as well have a commited relationship. If it was always an attractive 20 year old, i think i'd pick the free sex

Long term relationship, definitely. I have only ever been with one person in my life, and that person I am still with and I dont want that to change.

--Kestrel--

Well, I prefer to "have my cake and eat it, too" (and that has nothing to do with eating anything, if you happen to be into reading too much into innuendo).
There are women out there who happen to be as "into" chicks as they are "into" guys. and they like to pick out a female and bring them home now and then. These are the women that make me believe there is a god after all....

SilentThief

at the risk of sounding like a Hallmark card, you know it's right when you don't feel obligated, when you don't feel you have to "answer" to someone. I have always been a fiercely independent chick, always despised the thought of "belonging" to someone, and always equated a serious relationship with obligation and responsibility. now that I'm actually in a good and healthy relationship I WANT to see him every chance I get, I WANT to do nice things, I WANT to be ridicuously and grossly involved. it's weird, and insanely scary, but at the same time a very comfortable feeling. and yes, I do want to slap myself as I type this, but that's just the independent chick in me.

and just to appease the 4 years I've spent studying primate (yes we are primates) mating and social behaviour (which we do reflect in many many ways), humans are traditionally a monogamous species. we're a weird lot, many of our *ahem* physical traits would suggest a polygamous species, and yet our behaviour (for the most part) reflects a monogamous mating strategy.

sorry about all that useless info, I just got home from a monkey class...stupid school...

Which suggests that monogamy is purely a cultural construct designed to limit and control reproduction in such a way as to enable lineage 'property rights'. You take a pretty skewed perception of 'our behaviour'. Who do you mean by 'we'?

Personally I take the 'monogamy is inherently more fulfilling' line of thinking to be a steaming pile of horses**t. It only feels 'more fulfilling' to some people because they have been trained to think that way. Everywhere you look in Western consumer culture you see 'romantic' monogamous love-stories, relationship 'tip' magazines, nuclear families in insulated household settings.... or at least that is the abstract ideal being normalised and crammed down people's throats. If your wants and desires don't coincide with artificial social norms then of course you're going to feel internally unsettled and pressured to conform to the illusions of what is 'normal' or 'natural' in human relationships.

It's just a herd mindset. 'Do as everyone else does and you can sleep easy at night knowing that you fit in among your peers'. Bah! I spit on that state of mind! (oooh, that was a bit emo... a bit 'angsty'... I've gotta watch that...)

Monogamy isn't natural, no social interaction is. Once you dispel the illusions inherent in the pressure to socially conform then you start to realise just how much of the way the world works is purely inside your head. Do what you want, for your own reasons, and don't feel bad for doing so.

I must dissagree on some points, we have evolved an ablity to communicate, this suggests a social structure of some sort...

But I agree we're more or less designed to spread our genetic material over a large area through many mates..

I see things a little different, the last thing humans overall are, is monogamous. It's quite the opposite really. Also, we are the only species that mate for pleasure, not just to look after our next generation. It's our favourite pastime and the oldest deed in the world.

Have been in a committed relationship for 18 years, married for going on ten. I couldn't be happier and can't see risking it for a roll in the hay with someone that doesn't matter tuppence.

Brush up on your biology. We SO are not the only species that does that.
Just because people cheat doesn't mean our general mode of living, biologically speaking, is not monogamous.

Also, besides being wrong in your assessment of long-term relationships, as others have pointed out (just because YOU couldn't make them work for you so far doesn't mean they cannot work at all, even for you), you are also confusing long-term committed relationships, sex, and monogamy. It is possible to have a monogamous relationship with good sex, it is possible to have a committed relationship yet not be monogamous, etc.

[ 02-08-2005, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: Melusine ]