SCFC delivers to your door step. ;)

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Insane

*mumbling* Oh fine. How many people are coming?

Hear ye Hear ye! Lend me thou ear and I tell thee a meal thatst fill thy tummy till it pops! There is a resturant just east of Baldur's Gate. There it serves human meals! Such as Human leg good with toe nail clippings that just add more flavor. And everyones favorite small and large intestine enough to make an orc warchief belly ache. Food can be served cooked or raw though most prefer raw. We have many a appetizer for any race above and under Fae'run. We mostly deliver our goods to Mind Flayers in the Underdark and captured slaves sold to Vampire Crypts. As I have said before my doors are open to everyone! Tis better than the other [b]cheap[/] diners. We are not just a resturant we have battle pits and executions that happens every 5 hours every day.

The pits provide a good show good indeed. Adventurers who stirred troubles in ogre, goblin and kobold homes nearby are forced to fight each other to the DEATH. But those who commit the most evil crimes are executed infront of an auidence. I got the idea from the Prisoner Carnvial in Luskan. We don't like other places just chop off the head of a rouge with an axe. Nay! We boil them in hot oil then cover them in tar and then cover them in feathers. My associate Azog the goblin chief of his tribe always says "We sa dis humiliation be fo damnation!" The charasmatic goblin gave me and idea that we should start a guild. Sword Coast Head Hunters. But the advertisment read as follows.

<font size=5> Sword Coast Head Hunters </font>
Have your homes be defiled by the humans? Dwarves? Elves? Or do you simpily love the sport of hunting? If so we suggest that you join the Sword Coast Head Hunters Guild (SCHH) We pay our guild members well five gold for a head. 10 for dead bodies and 20 for peasants. 40 for adventurers. 300 for adventurers and all their equipment. If you are planning to go after the big fish we strongly suggest you go to the training facility near the resturant with no name. You just need to pay our montly fee of 10 gold pieces. Feel the price is too high? Well it will be worth it you will be trained by our veteren fighters. I say join the guild! A wise gambler once said"Come in poor walk out rich!"

If you dislike the food, executions, battle pits etc you won't be able to resist this attraction. Weapons, Armor and other magical trinkets pillaged from adventurers are being SOLD cheapest prices in all of Fae'run. So cheap that it makes Adventurer Mart go red in envy!! If there is anything you need come! We also serve mages with spellbooks and other things thatd make you blink!

So I say again come my humble place and have a feast thatd fill the bellies of kings!

So basically what your saying, Sythe, is that you wish to join us in hunting kobolds? Cool!! Never would have expected such a turn from you. :D

P.S. that should be lend me thine ear not thou ear. Thine is possesive. Thou is the equivalent of you. There are no doubt more mistakes in your writingl, but I'm not about to waste time by picking the whole thing apart.

P.P.S. If such a location truly existed the remaining Dukes of Baldur's Gate would have razed it by now.

P.P.P.S. Be warned Sythe, 99.9% of all uphill battlers are caught in an avelanche. Survival rate of such occurances ranges in the 0% area.

[ 09-29-2003, 03:10 PM: Message edited by: Firestormalpha ]

Let's go and flatten that restaurant. Good XP, lot of gold and good treasure are waiting. Let's go for the big fish now (we can always kill the kobolds we encounter on the road). We split the XP, the gold and the treasure (and the skulls of the orcs/ogres we meet). Deal?

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Insane

Quotes Originally posted by Firestormalpha:
So basically what your saying, Sythe, is that you wish to join us in hunting kobolds? Cool!! Never would have expected such a turn from you. :D

Tell me where does it say that I hunt those who I was trying to protect.

P.S. that should be lend me thine ear not thou ear. Thine is possesive. Thou is the equivalent of you. There are no doubt more mistakes in your writingl, but I'm not about to waste time by picking the whole thing apart.

Sorry english teacher [img]tongue.gif[/img] And you spelled avalanche wrong.

P.P.S. If such a location truly existed the remaining Dukes of Baldur's Gate would have razed it by now.

True but I rubbed some coin in front of their greedy eyes and they looked the other way.

P.P.P.S. Be warned Sythe, 99.9% of all uphill battlers are caught in an avelanche. Survival rate of such occurances ranges in the 0% area.

I don't see snow anywhere my friend. And any mountains either. It is eastThere cannot be an avalanche in a forest.

And any adventurers are welcome to try and destroy this little buissness I set up. I doubt you will find it for it's deep in the wood of Sharp Teeth East of Baldur's Gate.(Well actually a bit more south east.)

http://www.livinginafantasy.com/rpgf...s/scmap_b3.jpg Now do you think you can find my place in there? Even if you do you'd have to fight many orcs, goblins, ogres and of course kobolds. Did I say gnolls? I basically have an army of mercenaries but I don't have total control over them. And have no desire to ovverun the Sword Coast. I also changed my policy. I rewarded nothing if there is any harm off innocents not adventurers.

If you guys will stop making kobolds into Happy Meals then I will stop too. I rather that you kill kobolds than make them into slaves and butcher them into food.

P.S. If you cannot see the picture go here

[ 10-01-2003, 03:48 PM: Message edited by: Sythe ]

if the adventurers cant find it how are we to go buy all the cheap stuff you promised? and how much are the kobold fingers?

Do you mean like a Ronald McDonald Happy Meal???

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Insane

Do you mean like a Ronald McDonald Happy Meal???

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Insane </font>[/QUOTE]Dragonshadow you know what I meant don't make them into food. And you said Ko's story touched touched your heart (Dragonshadow has a heart? JK)

And to answer your questions Byrd:

Those who which to purchase the magical items must meet one of my contacts. When my contact is sure you can be trusted he or she will cast dimension door. But if the contact is not a mage (s)he will lead you to the edge of the Wood of Sharp Teeth. You will be asked to leave your weapons in an inn or somewhere and your armor. You will then be blindfolded and led to the camp. Once you made your purchases you will be lead out of the wood. Coming and leaving the wood you have a blindfold. I am taking every precaution.

I take it you don't allow rangers to make purchases from you then, as they would typically be able to find their way anywhere blindfolded.

I just got in touch with a ranger friend of mine who takes a certain specialization in your region. Just stocked up on wands of fire and potion of explosion. LOL I'm gonna have fun tonight. Your pitiful forces are about as threatening as big S against a level 20 Mage. Shoot I forgot to pick up the marshmellows. brb. :D

I can hardly wait to become a dragon too.

MUST....POST....MORE....

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Insane

Yaay, Kobold Happy Meals!!!! I thought they were just going to be burgers, legs, and thighs and stuff. So glad to hear about the special package! 3 please, and hold the slime, Insane. lol! This is an awesome thread, I've been away from BG 1 too long.

Later, all.

I can hardly wait to become a dragon too.

MUST....POST....MORE....

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Insane </font>[/QUOTE]You have a very very long way to go. But you'll get there before you know it.

if u fly with this beast iv got then u wont have so long to go! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Alright, got me marshmallows you coming DS?

I know chickens don't have nuggets, but do kobolds?

Some of them do have nuggets.

Advertisement: This week we introduce our new Hand Burger and the new McFeet Menu. Special Combo Intro Offer: .99GP

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Insane

Well, he can try DS, he can try.

<font color=lightgreen>
Today was "Be-Kind-To-The-Unfortunate Day!" [img]graemlins/angel.gif[/img] at my humble and little but technologically-very-advanced [img]graemlins/1djsmile.gif[/img] village! So in order to do my special favor [img]graemlins/1daisy.gif[/img] to the unfortunate, I've send a nuclear bomb [img]graemlins/borgboy.gif[/img] to the kobolds in a nice pink package! [img]graemlins/redblob.gif[/img] And it's set to detonate when opened-up! [img]graemlins/shine.gif[/img] So what's my kind deed might you ask? Well, I single-handedly prevented them from being eaten by us! [img]graemlins/yippee.gif[/img] Aren't I a great and kind fellow? [img]graemlins/kenji.gif[/img]
</font>

Zuvio!!! Now DS and I can't have our fun. I'd go watch the cataclism, but I don't have a shielding spell strong enough to guard against the radiation. And, marshmellows don't toast well in radioactive fallout. Oh well. DS we gotta find a new kobold settlement to torch. Hopefully the marshmellows aren't stale by then. OH OH OH, I have an idea DS. Let's look for Ko's new secret settlement. I have an old friend of mine, he's an extremely powerful diviner, and he owes me a few favors. :D This'll be loads of fun.

I love Kobold! With a nice side of steamed broccoli and some balsamic vinegar. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Hawent it been a topic about this a time ago??

Good idea, Firestormalpha my friend. Let us find this village, and then we can put it to the torch! Mwahahaaa!

DS
PS. Any idea where it is?

Yes, Sonic, this topic has been around for a looooonng time. Now are you gonna help us hunt kobolds or not?

Whatever happened to our good friend Mr. Baggins, who defended the kobolds so avidly. My guess? The kobolds ate him. Serves him right.

hey guys, if u hang on in there il fly with ya, just another 185 or so posts to go! BTW, have any of u tried the new kobold fajitas, there skin is the tortilla, the meat is .........hmmmmmm......The kobold and u get a couple of eyes and nails in there two. MMMMMMMM Crispy!!!!

<font color=orange>
Meanwhile, in the ominous Bat-Crevice™ .....

Robbin™: Holy-Carkeys™ Batguy™! These vile villains are seeking to hurt the kind and cuddly Kobolds™!

Batguy™: This is dire news indeed, Boy-Yonder™! Let me process the data we have on these Kobold-Hunters™ through the Analyse-Lotsa-Stuff-With-No-Apparent-Reason-Bat-Machine™.....

* BLEEP - BLEEP - TING - KTRRRRRR - PING!! *

Batguy™: Creeping-Fire-Crackers-Full-Off-Sulfor™! They are more fearsome than we might have expected ...[un-nescessary pause]... Boy-Yonder™! We will need our special Anti-Kobold-Hunter-Slippers™ if we want to have any chance of surviving this dangerous encounter!

Robbin™: But .... we don't have any Batguy™! I blew our entire budget gambling at the fruit-o-matics at the Circle-K-Mart™!

Batguy™: Lick-The-Multi-Coloured-Toad™!!! Then I fear the Kobolds™ are doomed! There is no way to stop the Kobold-Hunters™ from destroying them all!

* Drum-Rolls *

Robbin™: But Wait! I just thought of something! There might just be one thing left that we can do.......

</font>

To Be Continued....

*reads the posts and sighs* I need an ally here.

Hmm - We all know how popular the Quarter-Pounder^TM is. I have been experimenting with a new product: A kind of double Quarter Pounder^TM burger. I have decided to promote it as:

<font size=5>The Halfling Burger^TM</font>

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Insane

Let the smal kobolds be alone.....hawe you heard that the beregost inn sels a Gnol bone club for only 1.5 GIL?????Aint that amazing???

i personally never much liked the taste of kobold, to bony. I only kill them for fun. now dragon meat, that is a rare specialty that taste like a gift from the gods.

Like with chicken and spare ribs, you do NOT have to eat the bones.

Hmmmm - wonder if I could open a market for a kind of kobold hamburgers or sausages for those people who do not like bones in their food. Eventhough the sales of the new products McFeet^TM and the HandBurger^TM are excelent and still accelerating, we have to keep the market going by introducing new products to maintain the kostumers demand for SCFC meals.

What about:

HamBurglar (minced low-fat SCC meat in a wheat bun).
Hot Chick (minced low-fat SCC meat in own casings, wrapped in bread with ketchup and mustard)

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Insane

add this too. Kobold Commando. Even tastier than the kobold, has been extra cooked ( I knew those fire arrows would come in handy ;) and you get the satisfaction at knowing that everyone you eat will cause no more trouble to the good citizens/ adventurers of the sword coast!