Getting married in a few months. I am a faithful Christian and I believe in marriage as a committment to one another for a lifetime.

I'm of the belief that marriage is going to be my declaration before God and family (and the society) that I will be married to Nacht, forsaking all others, til death do us part.

My fiance and I have discussed things like divorce. We both have the same thoughts on the major issues regarding marriage and as far as we're concerned, we've made the committment and will stand by it. Divorce would be an absolute last option, not to be even considered unless all other avenues were exhausted, including counseling.

We're marrying for better or for worse and for life. I like your 'team' idea, Timber, as it's what I believe a marriage should be. A union of two people- heart/body/soul/mind and facing life together, as a family/team. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 02-16-2004, 01:25 AM: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]

Marriage - a good excuse for a piss-up!

Well, in keeping with the request at the beginning of the thread: I'm a 20 yr. old single student from Montana. I'm quasi-religious, in the sense that a conservative christian upbringing has provided me with a thoroughly engrained ethical code.

I think marriage is more a ceremonial thing, than a true 'act' of love. I don't think you can really narrow it[love] down to some 'knight in shining armour saves princess in distress' act. I think love can only truly be expressed through that daily faithful committment to one another, and that marriage is more a formality.

It seems, for a lot of people, that marriage is 'the point of no return'. A lot of people that I have met, treat their relationships (dating, courting, cohabitation, etc.) as elastic, and while they feel they may be in love for the moment, they fully acknowledge that at any time, without warning, the relationship could terminate, either by their partner's, or their own actions.

Of course, it makes sense to abandon a relationship if it is doomed to failure, or if it is physically/sexually/spiritually/emotionally damaging for either of the parties involved, but I've always tried to look at love as somthing sacred, and therefore don't think that marriage should be persued as a 'solidification' of somthing so grossly temporal.

EDIT: Still learning how to spell 'they'.

[ 02-16-2004, 07:45 AM: Message edited by: ryaldin ]

Under your belief in a "higher power" if that power is a government, then it would be a marriage. How do you measure love? How can a government tell if a person loves another person?

So, depending on YOUR religious beliefs how do you see the couple as being united? </font>[/QUOTE]I'm defining marriage in the strictest term... Most people wouldn't 'count' a Handfasting ceremony unless it was followed-up by some sort of government nod.
Normally, nobody questions a couple's love before marrying them.
Personally, I would ask them why they want to be married.. I'd ask them how they felt about each other and things like that. Then, assuming I felt no reason to do otherwise, I'd perform the ritual.
Some people would be happy with that. Others would want to get a marriage certificate. Either way would be fine with me.

<font face="Verdana" size="3" color="#00FF00">Here is what I think marriage is.

It is when to people decide to spend and share there lives together. To me two people living together who do so because they know in their hearts they are going to spend their lives together are married at least in Gods eyes. There are two reasons they are probably not married is our capitalist society as blown weddings all to hell and now to have a decent small wedding with family will cost at least $5000 (in a city) the other reason may because of legal purposes. I believe we are married in our hearts so a ceremony is nice but not necessary, neither is the law of the land to be married spiritually. Yes, the law of the land defines marriage as a business proposal because the law of the lands is suppose to stay out of church and bedrooms but marriage is so much more and people these days forget what marriage is truly about. The females think it is something so they can throw a big party and be paraded down the isle like some princess, and the guys think it is were they are going to prison. The gay community thinks it is about recognition of rights but to me it is so much more.</font>

[ 02-16-2004, 12:23 PM: Message edited by: pritchke ]

Married , Man, 42 years old, yes I try to make faith the decideing factor in all I do, if not then it would be of zero value and have no place in my life.

I'm wondering what marriage means to you?
A man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife the two shall become one.

What is the significance of marriage?
See above

Why would you/did you get married?
I love my wife

Should there be a ceremony? Do you believe that any ceremonies are necessary?
Depends on the society, some you stand before family and friends, some you jump over a broom, some you break glasses, some her family give you goats, some you club her over the head and drag her back to your cave. ;)

What is the difference between living together and being married? Is there a difference in your opinion? Yes, one can be a sin one is not.


Do you believe in divorce?
Not an option for the marriage I joined in.

How does this affect your view of marriage?
It means I don't have to worry about some things, I know she's committed to the marriage, and so am I. I can release any fears or doubts as can she. She ain't getting out of it on this side of the grass. ;)

LOL, John D, your reply had some things in it that I should have said too. [img]smile.gif[/img]

My fiance and I agreed divorce was not an option for us, this is a big step and we're facing it with the belief it is permanent. But we also understand that in some cases it is the last ditch option for a couple in severe trouble and unable to reconcile (such as abusive relationships that no amount of counseling and intervention can fix).

I read some study someplace where they say that many people who 'live together' without a ceremony or certificate do so for the insurance of a quick way out - they can just walk right out of the relationship anytime the going gets rough or one of them thinks they want someone else.

I've known some very committed couples who aren't married/handfasted etc. and I have to say that in some of those cases that's true. Both halves of the couple joke around that they don't need 'no steeenkin ceremony or certificate' to be a couple, but at the same time, they've each voiced the opinion that it's 'safer' because if they did decide to part ways, they wouldn't have the 'legal issues' to deal with or the family issues with divorce. Maybe it's not a bad thing if one or either of them really isn't ready for a permanent committment.

I always got the impression they were leaving a 'back door' unlocked so they could get out without any hassles and in some cases, to avoid having to deal with the bad in life. One couple I know that did split, did so after deciding it was too much trouble to even try and work out their problems. Both wanted things to be 'happy' and when they weren't, they called it quits.

But having said that, I also know some who have been together a long time. I have an uncle who's been with the same lovely woman for nearly 20 yrs now and neither wanted to have an official wedding because both had been married before (twice for him) and they didn't want to 'risk' doing it again. Gotta say, that I feel they wouldn't have 'risked' much, because they have a very strong relationship, but I can see where they came by the decision

I guess I'd have to say that in my case, I wouldn't have considered marriage to anyone I was not willing to spend the rest of my life with and to work out problems with on a regular basis. To me, it's a pledge and a permanent bond so I've thought very hard on what it means to actually sign the papers, have the ceremony and become man and wife. It is a huge committment and one I am not taking lightly, by any means.

I think alot of people DO rush into marriage because of the hype the media and big business put out there and of course the societal push as well. As pritchke pointed out, the wedding industry is huge and they are getting richer on each wedding they see done. I think that's a major problem later on, when the couples who rush into things realize they weren't quite ready for it or hadn't thought things out too carefully beforehand. They suddenly realize the fairy tale hype was just that...and now the reality of life together sets in.

Something I'll always remember about a friend's wedding was the priest taking the time to say that marriage is a committment of time and energy and it's not all fun and roses. He said that getting along in the 'good times' wasn't hard, it was working with one another during the 'bad times' that made a marriage stronger. I've always remembered that little 'speech' he made and it's significance.

It's true, it's easy to 'be in love' when things are going well and there's no stress in life or the relationship. The real test is in weathering the rough spots and maintaining that love. I think alot of people who buy the 'media sensational' type 'fairy tale' wedding stories, may not think about the 'bad times' that are in everyone's lives and how that's the time to pull together in a marriage, not apart.


ack..I'm rambling...

<font color=lime>This is what marriage is all about to me. :D
[img]http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0SAAAAMIUVNUhW0ZaM*HhJraB3v29zWVf*hK8ZuQx!fgzxVzui Q6qd25XwmDdAWgWUAm4tLtkKYmO*!yvmZPO3Axvc*l8lYI3BrC vKrerWjcAAAAAAAAAAA/3B8E1849.JPG?dc=4675447650174251820[/img]
Its real simple folks, it is two people that commit their lifes to each other becouse they love one another. It is not complicated. Me and Amber are best friends as well as lovers. Thats what makes it work through the hard times, and we have certainly had our share in 7 years.
Add chilren to the picture and you have family, which bonds the marriage closer.
As you know, I am an Atheist. Marriage to me is not in anyones "eyes" except ours ( and the IRS. ;) ). I suppose I would'nt really need it to be "official", but it is traditional and is important to Amber, which is all I care about. ;) </font>

Well said Kathen.