Nice to see this story is back in progress.

I'm probably going to install Sola as a romance.

Then the Bryan Romance for my Swashbuckler (Assuming I ever get it produced).

Topic Discussion Question:

How do all of you kill you dragons, IWers?

Cause with the Shadow Dragon, I only reloaded once (And that's because I accidentally cast the wrong spell and shot a fireball). So that's how I planned it before I even went to see the dragon.

Lay some traps, cast summons, then cast all of those spells and attack swiftly. I knew that without those summons, most likely we'd be toast as no one had Breach in their spellbook.

[ 03-27-2004, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: Jerr Conner ]

Chapter 9: Umar Hell, Part 3 and Anomen's Sister:

After defeating the Shadow Dragon, we decided it was high time we all rested. After resting, we went to confront the Shade Lord.

Mazzy wasn't too happy, considering the Shade Lord turned Patrick into a shade. Such an adorable halfling shade too...ooops sorry Mazzy, didn't mean to say that in front of you.

Edwina cast Haste and while we all attacked the shrine, Mazzy and Aerie attacked the Shade Lord.

The Shrine and the Shades didn't take too long to kill. Mazzy took a bit long in killing the Shade Lord, but she managed it just fine. Sunlight returned to the Ruins, and we all rejoiced.

Except Aerie who looked into a pool of water and noticed she had a few blemishes for not taking a bath in three days. She kept wondering how, and I did too. I thought that elves didn't get pimples...

Edwina must have done it, since she was laughing. Rest assured, if Edwina ever finds a way to get rid of her 'condition', Aerie will have made a Girdle of Gender-Bending by that time and make Edwin wear it. Mazzy dedicated the Shrine to her fallen comrades, then went on to thank Arvoreen for recieving the award in Excellence at Short-Swordswomanship.

At the Village, I got some nice new armor for a reward, and a shield from Malduf the Ogre. We went into a nearby cave and noticed that the boys were running away from a Gibberling, thinking it a Red Dragon. *Sigh* I must not have watered down that ale enough!

At the D'Arnise Keep, Major Domo-Arigato Mister-Roboto informed me that Captain Cenrick wanted an audience with me. According to the Captain, some guard stole some of my silverware and plates. The man told me he only stole it to buy some medicine for his sick wife.

I paid for the medicine and let him go, on one condition: get back the Butterknife of Balduran! That was my pest butterknife and he ups and sells it!

Some stupid knight burst in afterwards and informed Anomen his sister had been murdered. We went to the estate of Anomen's dad, told Anomen vengeance was wrong (Twice when we went to the Government Building), and dropped him for Jan Jansen.

Moira's murder is classified as Accidental Death, "Running with scissors".

Chapter 10: Rescuing Haer'Dalis, Part 1

A messenger was sent to summon Aerie to the Circus. According to the messenger, one of the Magician's Assistans disappeared and she needs to replace said assistant. Aerie didn't even bother mentioning she could do both.

The message was a ruse, Quayle really needs someone to rescue an old friend of his. The way he quoted friend made me think he/she was more than a friend!

We got mugged in the Bridge District, and what's even funnier is the fact that before the guy even finished attacking me he got damaged from arrows from Mazzy and Minsc, Darts from Edwina, Bolts from Jan, Bullets from Aerie, and what killed him was my Short Sword of Backstabbing! (Otherwise known as The Shadow's Blade I think...)

The others were pieces of cake, literally as Edwina polymorphed them into cakes! Couldn't the bloody witch make them good cakes though?

In the Five Flagons Inn, Mazzy introduced the group to one Samuel Thunderburp, who gave her a gift: a pair of boots. Why he'd give her boots she can't even use is beyond me...

Downstairs, Minsc commented on how he wished the most entertaining play he had ever seen hadn't exited so suddenly. We met Raelis Shai, turns out she is Quayle's girlfriend. She asked us, though, to rescue her other boyfriend, Haer'Dalis.

We accepted, but before doing so, we decided since Anomen wasn't in the group to rob Saerk blind. First, Jan and Aerie memorized the spells we'd need. We entered the house by the top level, and Aerie cast an Improved Invisibility spell on me. I found the secret doors and began robbing the place. After opening each chest, I'd notice a slight shimmer in my spell so I would Hide in Shadows so the guards wouldn't notice me.

By the time I got done ransacking two rooms, I had to go back to Aerie to get another Improved Invisibility spell cast on me. The best part was opening that safe with all of the money, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE FRIGGIN' GUARD!!!

We gathered around Jan and he cast Invisibility 10' Radius. As soon as we got downstairs, the rest of the party hid in one of the rooms with absolutely no guards. I only ransacked about four of the rooms this time.

And we left through the front door, too! Two thousand and seventy-five gold, two Larael's Tears Necklaces, and a Flail +1 was all of the loot I attained from Saerk's place. And not a single guard gone hostile! I'm so proud!

At the Sewers, where we'd find the Wizard's Layer where Haer'Dalis was, I had scouted ahead and found a group consisting of two dwarves, humans, and an elf, then a Raksasha leading a whole bunch of Kobolds.

I overheard the dwarves talking about their latest mugging. So I went back to the others, and we cast some protective spells as quick as we could. I distracted the Excrement Bandits long enough for Edwina to cast two fireballs at the group, then as she summoned some monsters the rest of the party and I ran in attacking!

The Excrement Bandits didn't last too long, even with a small group of Goblins spotting us and running to their aid! The loot was good.

We gathered around Jan again and he cast Invisibilty 10' Radius. The idea was that while the party got behind each of the Kobold Shamans surrounding the Raksasha, I'd backstab the Raksasha as a signal for them to attack.

Unfortunately, Raksasha's seem immune to backstabbing. Even with my skills, I was hard-pressed in that fight. I used Arbane's Sword to cast Haste on myself at the last minute, and within three hits the Raksasha died.

Aerie has a pretty, yet smelly, new cloak.

We headed to the Wizard's Layer and battled all of his minions. The Wizard, Mekrath, said he'd free Haer'Dalis if we got back his favorite mirror. Correction, his only mirror. Turns out he's really a hair-stylist and just wanted to use Haer'Dalis for his experiments.

The stupid imp who had the mirror was easy. As soon as the wizard left, we looted his place and freed Haer'Dalis.

Sapphire Gem, 1,000 gold.

Wand of Cloudkill, 800 gold.

A male tiefling with a Bee-Hive Hairstyle---priceless!

Chapter 11: Rescuing Haer'Dalis, Part 2

After getting a particular gem that looks like a crab shell back for Haer'Dalis, we all headed to the Playhouse within the Five Flagons Inn.

Apparently, Haer'Dalis really was trying to steal it. That makes me angry...you wouldn't like me when I'm angry--*Grows an inch and turns green*

Me halfling hulk! Me smash Haer'Dalis!

Anyway, we agreed to hold off the monsters while Raelis Shai summoned the proper portals to take the Tiefling Troupe home. Unfortunately, they blundered and got captured by Bounty Hunters instead.

Being the adventurous halfling I am, I jumped in the portal. Not without knocking out the rest of the party, first, to make sure they'd really come along. The party met a welcoming party as soon as we entered that plane. We had lots of Venison, Ale, and ended up getting in a drunken brawl and killing the poor sods.

A Gnome-Type informed us that we could free him if we find the Orb of Mastery from the Master Thrall. While I hid in shadows, Aerie cast Invisibility on herself. Scouting out the area, we encountered two women, a fire salamander, an ice salamander, and a yuan-ti wizard. Aerie quickly used her Wand of Cloudkill and I used the three Potions of Explosions I had on me. The wizard died from too much damage caused by two Cloudkills, and I had a hard time killing the Salamanders while a Wyvern had noticed the commotion and attacked us.

After killing the wyvern (Note to self, make Wyvern Steaks for the party tonight), I hid in shadows and ran after the two women. I backstabbed the enchantress--can never be too careful--then I killed the other one.

I now own a nice short sword to go along with The Shadow's Blade, known as Kundane's Sword of Quickness!

Aerie signalled Jan with some clerical spell, and Jan cast Invisibility 10' Radius on the rest of the party so they could pass those remaining thralls without worrying about killing innocents.

The Master Thrall was too easy! Haste, attack, kill!

Same with the Warden.

Chapter 12: Trademeet:

A messenger, Mazzy's future brother-in-law (She glared at me when I put my arm around him), came to tell us that he had bought a love potion for Pala, Mazzy's sister. Unfortunately, it was poison.

I commented to him that I had a real love potion, and if he'd like to test it out first...at that point Mazzy grabbed Aerie's staff and hit me on the head with it! I still wonder how Danno could carry around that big giant two-handed sword...

At Trademeet, we had to save some soldiers from a Kitten, Daddy Long Legs, and a Beagle attacking the town. At Mazzy's house, we examine Pala. Danno told us that he bought the potion from a Dwarf in the town. We went to the Dwarf, and found out he got the potion from a young priest named Barg.

Upon finding the priest, he screamed we wouldn't take him alive, and that we'd die in the name of the cult of the Baby Cardinal. Why the bloody hell did we run into these guys, again?

Saved Pala's life, though she wasn't too happy that I tried to foist a 'fake' love potion on her Danno (Did I say it was fake? :D I don't recall saying it was fake, and if Danno just happened to look my way after drinking it...well too bad for her.)

After saving Pala, we went to the Mayor of Trademeet, who asked us to escort a Druid out of town. After meeting him, and dropping Edwin (Did I mention some bloody wizard dispelled the dweomer?), we now know why. Either this Cernd has had too much Black Lotus, or he's gotten his head hit too many time! How many parables can you cram into each and every sentence!?

At the Druid Grove, Cernd met some old friends. They don't quite like their new leader, something about casting Insect Plague whenever she caught them slacking off at their posts and eating literally biting off heads whenever she transformed into a panther. We also took the time to hunt down a Raksasha for some of the Dao Djinn in Trademeet. She said she smelled the stink of the djinn on us.

"That's not stink, tis Minsc's cologne!" I replied.

"Boo says that Brut is the best smell to get the ladies!" (Yes, that's how Brut is spelled on the bottle)

After dealing with the Raksasha, we all headed to the Druid Cave. There, we battled some annoying druids, and inside we remet Faldorn! Faldorn was mad at us for not converting the 'heathens and infidels' with her back at Beregost. She seemed happy to see Cernd, though. Kept mentioning something about a Journal, and the poetry within:

Oh tree, tree, tree,
I love you like I love me,
Tree, Tree, Tree,
Oh how it's you I wish I could see!

At this point, Cernd is so angry that she dissed his poetry that he transforms into a Werewolf and kills Faldorn in battle. Too bad, too. Faldorn owed us some gold.

We got rewarded by the appropriate people at Trademeet, then got propositioned by the Lurraxols and Alibakkars for a job. The Mayor of Trademeet told me not to take a job from either of those two. Years of inbreeding has made them rather idiotic and now they don't even think they're related anymore.

As I went to go and accept a job from one of them, a woman asked me to help her son. His fiance had been kidnapped, and he wanted me to get her.

When we finally did find her, she was wearing the skin of that Tanner from Athkatla! Apparently, the Tanner and some other guy really wanted to take the definition of Transvestitism to whole new levels.

Funny, too. The other guy was wearing the skin of Lady Delcia Caan, Nalia's Aunt. I guess she finally has a use after all!

After rescuing the girl, we decided it was time to take up one of the two-yet-one warring family's job for us.

Chapter 13: Cernd's Child

After getting the Mantle of Wuakeen, we gave it to the High Merchant instead of the Lurraxols, which we had picked originally because one of their guards won a barfight with an Alibakkar.

They were not pleased, both families, and swore to destroy me.

Not kill, destroy. They're now spreading rumors that I have contracted "The Clap" from some elves. Bugger!

Upon our arrival at Athkatla, Cernd saw a former neighbor and was greeted with open hostility. Igarol mentioned something about Cernd leaving his wife for a tree and said if he was planning to move back into his old home that he should stop singing while bathing in the mornings as well as cut his bloody grass. I told Cernd I didn't see him as the type to run out on his wife, and he got very very touchy about how it was a 'mutual decision'.

At his former home, we met a squatter, then we went to Fennecia's house, Cernd's former maid. Fennecia wouldn't talk to Cernd, and kept repeating the phrase (Which annoyed us) "I am my kid's mom!"

She would talk to us, though. Turns out some guy name Deril killed Galia and now has the baby in his possession.

At Deril's house, Cernd got pretty psychotic when it came to the Golem guarding the front door.

Deril, he pronounces it "Der-rill", was this nerdy guy with a pony tail, thick eye glasses, and still living with his mother. Deril informed us that Galia had died while swallowing her own tongue just so she wouldn't have to listen to his talking anymore. I almost swallowed my tongue so I wouldn't have to either!

Cernd killed Deril, in his werewolf form, and ran out with the baby.

Chapter 14: The Cult of the Eyeless (Otherwise known as the Cult of the Baby Cardinal...)

I thought I was done dealing with these guys! It turns out the Cult of the Baby Cardinal is back, except now they call themselves the Cult of the Eyeless.

In the Sewers below the Temple District, we met a paladin named Keldorn. I mentioned that we had met Ajantis back near Baldur's Gate, and Keldorn wondered how exactly his former squire got over his addiction to Hello Kitty. Odd... I didn't know Ajantis liked Hello Kitty.

After battling some shadows, by this point we were all tired of seeing the damned things, we finally met the leader of the Cult of the Eyeless. I decided that our best bet of defeating them was to spy on them, so he ordered us to retrieve some Rod down in the lower dungeons. He did mention something about how big Aerie's butt was, and we all had to hold her back from casting a Fireball to make his smaller!

On the way to the dungeon, we promised a former cultist we'd do everything in our power to defeat the Beholder God of the Cult.

Down in the Dungeon, I stealthed and found some Guaths to fight. Aerie cast haste on everyone, we attacked them... Aerie dies! Minsc goes berserk and starts attacking everything in sight!

When I thought things couldn't get any worse, some stupid shadows join the fray and Minsc damn near dies! Jan had to use his Wand of Monster Summoning to save Minsc's butt. Minsc calms down after the fight, and has three conversations with Mazzy and then Keldorn.

I really didn't want to haul Aerie's carcass to the surface to get her healed. We had promised the Head Cardinal of the Eyeless that we'd get the Rod. Unfortunately, we needed a Mage with us. Jan just didn't have the spells.

As we gathered up her belongings, I remembered that we had attained a Rod of Ressurection from Mekrath's Lair earlier. I quickly used it, and viola! Aerie was back!

She was kind of mad, though. In whatever Heavenly Plane she went to, she had just started making out with Drizzt Do'Urden.

We went and got the rod, then went back to the cult. We met Tad, per the former Cultist's instructions... and Keldorn scolded me for pretending to be a woman and having Chubby Tad kiss me.

He told us to go down in a hole... commented about my facial hair (I have a well-trimmed Pencil Moustache), then got a little freaked he had actually kissed a guy.

So down we went...

[ 01-14-2005, 05:24 PM: Message edited by: Jerr Conner ]

Chapter 15: Destroying the Head Cardinal

By Brandobaris! Do not these undead know how to bathe!? Apperantly not. They attacked us as soon as Aerie started washing them down with soap.

They were quite easy to kill, especially they're whiny mayor. I got some nifty new armor; not as protective as the Armor I got in the Umar Hills. After collecting all of the treasure we could get our hands on, we headed out to the Beholder Lair.

I scouted ahead, killed a Gauth, then scouted ahead some more to find some Eyeless Priests standing guard. It would have been no problem for Minsc, Jan, and I to sneak by. Unfortunately, Aerie, Mazzy, and Keldorn were a different problem. I formulated a plan, I'd summon Kithixx, Minsc would summon the 10th Level Berserker Warrior, and Jan would use one of the two remaining charges in his Wand of Monster Summoning. Then, the summoned allies would lure the Blind Priests out, allowing us ample opportunity to attack!

Unfortunately, as soon as we did that, the Priests summoned 8 skeletons and 5 bears! Our allies were slaughtered, and Jan used the last charge so we could escape and formulate another plan.

One thing I learned from this battle, improvation is the key to any successful survival. I asked Aerie if she still had any charges left in her Wand of Cloudkill. She said she had four. Aerie used a charge and most of the skeletons and all of the bears died right there! The priests survived, but couldn't cast spells because they kept getting injured.

So they attacked: Big Mistake!

Jan cast Haste right away and we made quick work of the priests.

Unfortunately, three Guaths and a Beholder heard us!

We made another hasty retreat, and I improvised another plan. Jan cast Invisible 10' Radius on all of us, and we swarmed the Beholder first, killing him almost instantly! The Guaths were a bit harder, considering there were three of them. Luckily, Keldorn was able to save us with his Dispel Magics, and we barely lived through that battle!

It was time for a much-needed rest, so we went back to where we entered and rested. Scouting ahead, the only opponents left was two other Beholders and a Guath. We took out the other two beholders, using the same haste-invisible 10'-tactic. The Guath, being alone, was much easier. As soon as the Rod was assembled, we met the Big Bad.

He yelled at me about how I'd never win, he's the ultimate power, blah blah blah! I used the Rod on him, then Keldorn dispelled his protections. One hit and he died!

The afflicted souls of those people made to guard the Rod weren't so happy to see me. Last time, when we were there, Minsc and Mazzy had gotten a little too drunk and had vomitted all over their leader. I informed them that the Rod was depleted, and much apathy was met from them. I am glad to be gone from them with a new shield.

After meeting with the Former Cultists, we went to see Gaal, who got mad at me for killing his God and screamed, "Die in the name of the baby cardinal!"

That battle was too easy. After looting the place, we went to recieve our reward. Unfortunately, Jan needs some help and the Messenger from my Keep says there's urgent business to be had....

Chapter 16: Jan’s Ex-Girlfriend and Lord Farthington “Farthy” Roenall

At Jan’s house, we found out his ex-girlfriend’s daughter had been traumatized by being beaten by her father. We promised Jan we’d find a way to help her, but he volunteered to stay behind… with his “ex-girlfriend”.

Talking to his uncle gleaned some important information. We were to see some guy after we met with Lady Jysteev at the Government District. He also gave Minsc a remedy for his explosive diarrhea. After that, we dropped Keldorn and told him we’d pick him up later.

The Lady Jysteev was more than willing to part with information on how to find whoever this guy was… after Minsc did a strip-tease for her. Poor Aerie will never be the same after witnessing that!

Under the Copper Coronet, we met this guy, and he told us we had to talk to a person named The Thumb in the Docks District. We picked up Keldorn before going, and Mazzy talked to the Thumb for us. After getting the information we needed, we went and fought some Githyanki. Unfortunately, I was, as my party mentioned, charmed in the fight. Poor Keldorn nearly lost his left ear when I tried biting it off!!! Aerie is still upset with me for ripping her robes apart during that fight.

Turns out that the Githyanki were after an Illithid, who was that guy beneath the Copper Coronet!

After arriving back at Jan’s, where his ex looked very very satisfied (What’s that they say about a Gnome’s nose?), we met the infamous Vaelag. I told him if he hurts his daughter again, it’ll take twenty giants to extract my short swords from his arse!

We quickly headed to my Keep, where Domo-Arigoto Mister-Roboto ushered in Lord Roenall. The man demanded my Keep from me! To make him uncomfortable, I kept blowing him kisses and making lewd gestures with my hips. He left quite quickly after that!