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wow... psycho vacation...
I just got back form a pretty miserable one myself. Went from Tucson to Milwaukee for a friend/fraternity brother's wedding. Seeing as I rented the car and hotel I ended up being Mr. Responsible, and the designated driver EVERYWHERE, including the bachelor party. My buddy, "Ron" got completely plowed before running into the equally plowed bride to be and her bachelorette party of drunken sorority girls and hs cheeseheads. We ended up going to some breakfast joint at 2am in Milwaukee. "Ron" immediately heads to the bathroom where he starts "reverse drinking" the whopping 9 red bull and tonics that had levelled him all night. I'm sitting at the table, stone sober, surrounded by drunken sorority chicks... when you are not drunk and looking for, uh, companionship, drunken sorority chicks are EASILY the most annoying people on the planet. Hands down. No one comes close. So I'm sitting at the table, holding my head in my hands, and I mumble "God I wish I weren't sober right now." The girl to my right proceeds to reach down into her bra and pull out a sack of weed IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RESTAURANT! At this point I got up, tipped the poor kid who had to clean up the "street pizza" Ron left in the stall more than I had spent on booze the entire trip to this point, and stormed outside to find two of my other (now sober) fraternity brothers trying to convince Ron, who is sleeping on the side walk to get into the car. We FINALLY convince him to get into the car by lifting his 220 pound ass into the back seat and spend the next 30 minutes making sure he doesn't puke in the leather interior of the rental car... ... when out come the obnoxious bachelorette-creatures, who proceed to taunt him even more by laughing at him and blowing smoke in his face, leading to another round of dry heaves. My friend Dave was holding his head by the hair outside the car and over the gutter while encouraging Ron to "Stay on target! Stay on target!" Eventually Ron starts bawling (drunken outburst of "I love you guys!") followed by hyper ventilating. We have to take his ass to the emergency room, with drunken bitchy bride-to-by guiding the way while my (blood) brother, the best man, gets to go off with the bachelorettes. We spent until 6:15 in the morning in the emergency room, watching Bob Freaking Saget on America's Funniest Home Videos. The highlight of the evening was Dave, Ryan (another now-sober friend) and I kicking decorative rocks into a storm drain outside the hospital... I FINALLY get back to the hotel at 7am, ready to catch the super "Paul Bunyan" Breakfast (I didn't get to eat at the earlier food stop) before crashing only to find that they didn't even open until 8am. Pissed off, tired, and hungry I crawl into bed, only to have my brother come in 15 minutes later bragging about how he scored with two of the bachelorettes... And as bad as this ordeal was, the wedding itself was even WORSE!!!! |
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I had a holiday, about last October, I think it was. Nothing anywhere near as bad as Saz and AliCat's, but it seemed a bit of a disaster at the time. By that time, I'd met a wonderful soulmate via a Tolkien fan club, and we had decided to meet up for a weekend. She living in Croatia, she decided to visit me in merrie England. I floundered about for a place to take her, and thought 'I know - what about Torquay? There's some fab churches down that way, she likes architecture and medieval buildings. A nice seaside town, cheerful.'
I have often prided myself on my sense of timing. In this case, it didn't let me down, as I booked a weekend break two months in advance - only for the actual holiday to co-incide with the biggest hurricane the UK had ever seen since '87 hitting the south coast. Brrrrr. |
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