Ironworks Gaming Forum - POLL: Things NPCs wouldn't say

From early June:

http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/cg...c;f=2;t=016423

And a few(?) more of my own, that I emailed to her website (dunno if she ever put them up:

Imoen: "Don't give me that, you rancid heap of parrot droppings! You vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert! Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type makes me puke!"

Xzar: "Your constant mood swings give me the willies. Can't you be a little more dependable and rational? A firm grip on reality can be such a useful
thing, you know."

Montaron: "I don't mean to be confrontational, but could you be a little less......evil?"

Khalid: "The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick. Rubber baby buggy bumpers. She sells seashells by the seashore. Boy, getting rid of my stuttering has inspired me with such confidence. Excuse me, but I'm feeling a little bloodthirsty now...."

Jaheira: "Okay, I am now officially fed up with all this Balance and Nature crap. Which way to the nearest Arby's? I'm buying."

Kivan: "I've just GOT to find that Tazok again....he just looked so damn HOT in all that leather with fur trim....his rippling muscles glistening with
sweat.....Mmmmmmm....."

Ajantis: "You know, I suppose I really should end my constant bickering about Helm. After all, he's not even that cool, not like Cyric is....."

Viconia: "It's not that I don't respect you as a person, I'm simply saving myself for the right man."

Garrick: "I'm so glad that they chose ME as an example of how powerful and effective a good Bard can be."

Kagain: "I've always looked on the wilderness as a holy place....the trees of the forest are a cathedral, a temple to nature's infinite poetry and perfection. I'd like to share a song with you now......"

any Nobleman: "Why hello! What a grand sight it is to see splendid folk like you ridding the countryside of monsters--they are SUCH a plague to farmers, and a nuisance to trade, you know. I say, would you be free to
join me at my estate next tenday? I love to entertain."

Minsc: "Ah, finally we break free of the tick-ridden wilds and back to this enlightened land of the civilized bourgoisie. I have great plans for the
city, perhaps a Redlight District and a Disco District....."

Edwin: "Well, curses. I don't understand this spell scroll at all. Minsc, could you come over here and help me figure this out?"

Branwen: "I march around in tight leather pants, but does anyone comment on MY strapping buttocks? Noooooo. What does a girl have to do to get a little
action around here?"

Xan: "Hello there, ma'am! Isn't it a LOVELY morning? Look at all the people, being happy enjoying their lives! I wonder if they like Prozac as much as I do?"

Dynaheir: "You wondered why a smart woman like me was so eager to be reunited with Minsc? Here, let me show you why my robe is slit all the way up my
thigh.....Hey, Minsc, it's time we were 'Inseparable' again! Bring Boo!"

Safana: "Hey, you know, this whole Ilmater thing is really starting to make a whole lot of sense to me now...."

Shar-Teel: "Oh, I know I've got this whole butch-dyke thing going on, but it's really only a front to impress men. Don't tell Eldoth, OK?"

Coran: "It wouldn't be prudent to jump to conclusions without knowing the facts first. I'd like to settle down and live to a ripe old age."

Eldoth: "Uh, no, I actually don't know any AC/DC or Danzig songs.....I could play some Raffi, do you like Raffi?"

Faldorn: "Hey, did you know there are huge reserves of fossil fuels beneath this forest? Just a little drilling and we could be rich rich rich, believe you me."

Yeslick: "The LOVE SHACK is a little old place where, we can GET TOGETHER! Love Shack, bahaybeee...."

Quayle: "People tell me I'm not really as smart as I say I am--but for the life of me, I can't understand what they mean."

Tiax: "All right, so you finally figured out that my megalomania is just my outward expression of my inferiority complex. Whoopee, you win a prize. Hey,
let's make YOU the perfect size for cleaning out sewers and see how YOU feel."

Skie: "I'm actually a decent Thief! C'mon, recruit me into your party! Please? Pretty please??? Everyone ELSE makes room for me!!!"

Alora: "Oh, just shut up and get the f* out of my face. What? You thought Halflings didn't get PMS? Well you know what? YOU THOUGHT WRONG!!!"

Sarevok: "I feel kind of silly admitting this, but truth be told, I was actually never anything more than a STEP-Child of Bhaal. But you know, that whole Bhaalspawn thing was so 'In' that season, and I just had to be a part of it. Really, my one TRUE dream has always been to play the saxophone."

Yoshimo: "I'm getting out of the adventuring gig--there's no money in it. I give a shout out to y'all, but I'd rather chill wit' my homies in the Docks
of A-town, cuz you know I wanna be the tight pimp with the slamdown on alla phat bitches. Sheeeeit."

Aerie: "What? We're stopping to Rest already? I'm not tired at all! Oh well, you guys stay here & sleep while I scout on ahead by myself. (Losing my wings has helped me feel so independent....)"

Anomen: "Your humble servant."

Nalia: "Get away from me, you filthy common swine! Are you to stupid to know I'm so much better than you? See the ring? SEE THE GODDAMN RING!?! Go cry to Ilmater if you want pity!"

Korgan: "All this constant agression and hostility is giving me ulcers. Let's just quit while we're ahead and find some other line of work, like hand-crafted macrame dolls."

Mae'Var: "I hate all this dishonesty and deceit, it just goes right against the grain of my moral fiber. Here, let's just save time and you can kill me now. Damn that Renal--why did HE have to get the cool Michael York
accent?"

Jan: "This reminds of that one time when I made up this really wild story--I pulled the whole thing out of my a**, and I thought it sounded good, but it was such an obvious fabrication that nobody believed me, and I was so embarrased I've never spoken so much as a word of falsehood since."

Keldorn: "Dammit, who stole my copy of 'Sins of the Flesh Golem' THIS time?!? I swear, this happens every single time we Rest!"

Lilarcor: "I wish you wouldn't make so liberal use of me, especially when we don't even know for sure if our enemies are TRULY evil, or are only forced by
circumstance into commiting evil acts."

Haer'Dalis: "Tra la la la la, Spring is in the air, and I am a flower, with nothing interesting to say. All right, so I'm a lousy actor. Hey, do you really think a GOOD actor would have to go fight dragons for a living? No, I wouldn't think so either."

Cernd: "It is with great pride and pleasure that I accept this Most Valuable Player award...."

Firkraag: "Oh please don't hurt me! Pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease--waaaahhhhhh!!!!"

Valygar: "Ash nazg durbatuluk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakat....thrakal....Dammit! Hey, Xzar, how does that go again?"

Mazzy: "I say we find someone rich, and kill them! Then find someone richer, and kill them too!"

Shangalar: "Oh, shit, here come another pack of adventurers. Here, just take the goddamn staff and leave us alone, OK? Jesus, it's worse than telemarketers."

Kangaxx: "At last! My body is once again complete! Now I can finally resume my long-laid plans and become the Master.....of DISCO KARAOKE!!! Swing it! Yeah!"

Solar: "I'll skip all this boring 'Prophecy' B.S. and cut to the chase: Keep on killing big things, and you'll keep getting stronger and finding cool stuff. You got a problem with that? Didn't think so. NEXT!"

Yaga-Shura: "I've decided to beat you in single combat."

Balthazar: "One word about the hair, and the hamster gets it. And my Monks and I all stand this way because we're all secretly hoping someone will start
doing the Macarena."

Sendai: "I've gone to finishing school, to learn how to speak and act without annoying anyone, and I've also taken a self-defense course, to learn how to face challenges with guts and courage."

Abazigal: "I must protect my son!!!"