Oh...I laughed...in a "sick and twisted" kinda way. Mostly 'cause I *am* sick and twisted. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

But still...ewwwwwww!

;)

lol, ok then, for bonus points can you guess the brand of mustard it was? (the real mustard)

Grey Poupon

Get it? Poop on!

[img]tongue.gif[/img]

[ 06-23-2005, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: Lady Sedai ]

Here is one, in the same line as the first two... probably old... [img]smile.gif[/img]


Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her in the face."

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that brunette sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to billigerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bears says, "I'm NOT on DRUGS."


You're gonna love this.......


The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

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What about the bartender that wouldn't serve the snake a beer? Why? Couldn't hold his liquor.

Lol! That's gross. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

French Mustard?

Were you serioulsy talking from experience there Morgie? :eek:

Nah... I read the joke before and saw it in several other places.

A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 mph for it to start.

She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions.....