Ironworks Gaming Forum - WARNING!! Really BAD Puns... painful even.....

Animals (big puns.com)
Original Puns:

* You'll never be able to make a kite by tying flippers to your Cabbage Patch Kid. Everyone knows that doll fins can't fly.
* In order to build the epidermic outhouse, the snake had to shed it's skin.
* Listening to a bear shuffle through one's belongings can be an in tents experience.
* The two-tailed whale was just a fluke.
* One craftsman specializes in the production of patches bearing the likeness of burrowing carnivorous animals. He's quite a badger.
* I was decidedly leery of the area of land set aside to house the bovines. Cow wards never accomplish anything.
* Two farmers had been fighting over a prized chicken for years. After the hen's death, both men agreed to bury the hatch it.
* The cooperative fur traders beat up a deer. They didn’t want to pelt a member of an endangered species.
* The cow was unable to lactate—she stood in udder disbelief.
* The pain of losing the grizzlies was just unbearable.
* The park ranger, caught in the jaws of a giant grizzly, said, "I'm sorry folks, but you'll just have to bear with me."
* The farmer's new pig enclosure lacked a horizontal piece of wood below the window. The architect really should have drawn the blue prints with a pen-sill.
* How did I know that the small furry animal was not a groundhog? Why, I had to inferret it, of course.

Submitted Puns:

* Q: Why are prawns the least popular animals in the ocean?
A: They're so shellfish.
—Steve Portwine

* A three-legged dog walked into a saloon, went up to the counter, and said to the bartender, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
—Jake Peterson

* My lizard's name is "Tiny." You see, he's my newt.
—Lin Richardson

* Q: What will happen if a cat swallows some coins?
A: There will be some money in the kitty.
—Donald Frazier

* Q: How do wingless ants fly?
A: They use anty aircraft, of course.
—Petershop

* The octopus eight another fish.
—Josh Amunrud

* I used to have straw in my shoes until my calves went down and ate it.
—Billy Hayden

* Three friends were driving home one evening. The first friend saw something move on the road.
"Look! There's a rabbit!" he exclaimed.
"Yeah! There's two of them!" said the second friend.
"No there's not," said the third friend. "Don't go splitting hares!"
—Linda McGinn

* Q: Why is Superman always seen with a chicken?
A: He never goes anywhere without his cape on.
—Kathy T.

* Stamp out racehorse doping. Just say 'Neigh'.
—David Early

* . . . of course, an impotent snake has a reptile dysfunction.
—R.S.G.

* A pack of hungry wolves had suronded the skunk family. Mother skunk said, "Let us spray."
—Donald Frazier

* A family of dolphins walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Hey we don't serve dolphins at this establishment." One of the dolphins replied, "You're doing this on porpoise, aren't you?"
—Bryan Howe

* A rabbit was crossing a meadow: Defeat went over defence before detail.
—Donald Frazier

* Two fishermen were doing their job when one of them caught a great-white shark. Placing the shark on their boat deck, they decided to cut it open to find out what it had eaten. Inside was a pair of pants full of money. One of the fishermen immediately exclaimed, "Hey look, we found a fishful of dollars!"
—Beowulf45

* Q: Why do we call a dollar a buck?
A: It's doe.
—Sally Carreras

* Did you hear that NASA just recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the heard shot round the world.
—Sharii Ann

* When he returned home, the man noticed that all his birds were gone. He suspected fowl play.
—Malte

* The rabbit was trapped in the jaws of a wolf. It was a hairy situation.
—Brian Powell

* When I kicked the dolphin, my friend asked me if it was on poirpose.
—Matt Radigan

* When the farmer finished feeding the cows, he said, "Hay!"
—Squeaks