Chapter Four: Do Zombies Taste Like Chicken?

After the whole business with Mae'Var, the party and I went to the Graveyard. Edwin mentioned something about a scroll, so we decided to stay for a while. We encountered a priest, who was asking us if we'd adopt a little girl. I told him we couldn't, but we'd look for someone.

We found someone soon enough, a Paladin who had lost his son.

After introducing him to the little girl, I feared we made a mistake. He kept screaming, "NO MORE WIRE HANGEEERRRRSSS!!!"

We went towards a pyramid-looking mausoleoum, and this man approached us screaming about how his uncle had risen from the grave! When we saw the guy, Minsc wondered if zombies taste like chicken, to which the zombie replied, "I'll swallow your soul!!!"

We killed the zombie, then when into the pyramid. Inside, we encountered a giant spider-web. This Dark Elf Female attacked us, so we had to kill her.

Then, we finally got the Nether Scroll for Edwin. I hope he finds a good use for it...

Back at the Graveyard, we freed a man from a coffin half-buried in the ground. He gave us a red cloth, and Nalia wondered who would wear something so tacky. We talked to the Gravekeeper, and he confessed that he had buried the guy alive, as well as that he was the one who peed in the Holy Water at the Temple of Helm!

We went to meet the man in red, and we confronted him about his activities. After watching him die, we killed his partners, and Minsc has a new pair of boots on. The lady they were holding hostage was happy to see us, of course, though we had to cast a sleep spell on her when she made fun of Nalia.

Speaking of which, while we were in the Tanner's Shop, solving the Skinner Murders where beggars were dying, Nalia kept wondering how we were 'helping the needy trudging around down here'.

Stories gonna continue?

Yea, they'll continue. I'm just taking it slow cause I'm trying to write a gay halfling romance, but I need to find someone to make it into a mod.

[ 03-13-2004, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: Jerr Conner ]

Chapter 5: Edwin, Nalia, and Aerie's Predicaments

We went to the Gate district in Athkatla, and in one of the Inns, heard of two families trying to split apart two lovers. I had to meet this Aulava and Tiiro, considering I'm a romantic at heart!

I explained to them that none of it matters, just love! They thanked me, and dedicated everything they do to me. However, it turns out they're thieves and now my name is implicated in some robberies! Normally...it is...considering I am a Fighter/Thief, but I only like my name associated with crime if I pulled it off!!!

I had been informed that Nalia's dad's funeral was happening, so the party headed to the Graveyard district. Those Undertakers did a great job on Lord D'Arnise's body! You can barely tell that his head had been ripped off due to that wave of Troll Dung, and the smell is substantially less! We still stood far away from the casket, though...

Nalia talked to some people, then we met Lord Roenall and Isaea Roenall. I have to say, I really don't like Isaea. If I had the chance, I'd break alignment and kill him on the spot. I'm also pretty sure that while he was trying to convince Nalia to fulfill the 'betrothal', he was making googly eyes at Jaheira. Obviously, he didn't take the hint that Jaheira didn't like those looks when she kept pointing a finger halfway into her open mouth, while making gagging noises no less!

So we left the funeral, Nalia had some interesting words about Isaea, something about how he likes to bathe in cow urine while singing...

We went to my Keep after this, since I got a message earlier that gold had been deposited. At the Keep, Domo-Arigoto Mister-Roboto informed me that some merchant selling Chia Pets wanted to speak with me. He's been getting attacked by bandits, gnomish bandits, and demanded recompensation. I told him I wouldn't recompensate him, but I would buy the Farm Debts from him and also pay for mercenaries to clear the bandits. That guy cost me 1500 gold!

We went upstairs to get the Taxes, when Edwin informed us that he had found out how to use his Nether Scroll. I told him to go ahead and do it, and Edwin used the scroll...and now he's Edwina! Jaheira had a fun time pointing out how much bigger her bosom is compared to Edwina's!

When we left the Keep, Isaea was outside. He arrested Nalia, and I swore to get her back. I really do not like that guy! That's why it felt so good not only uncover evidence of his evil-doings, but to also uncover certain evidence of Isaea cross-dressing in his spare time!

We got Nalia back, and decided we'd celebrate by visiting the circus. Damn it all, though, the circus has been invaded! We had to go in there and save the day. The group met an Ogre named Aerie. We helped her, and it turns out she's an Elf! She did mention once playing Tinkerbell on another plane of existence.

We met an old friend after we saved the circus. Quayle seems to be doing fine, we always suspected he'd somehow end up in the circus.

Chapter 6: Saving Slaves and Anomen Joins the Group

Nalia decided she'd like to go drinking, in celebration of Isaea's arrest. However, she decided to stay behind at the bar. So we picked up a man named Anomen who told us we were 'cowards' because I believed in a 'balance'.

We talked to a guy whose name I can't spell, so I call him L. L offered us gambling, so we went to the back rooms. There, we met a guy named Rumar and his girlfriend named Priss. Rumar wondered if we had seen his wife. We hadn't, but went back out and found her, then we directed her to the back.

*Ding ding ding!*

Audience: Jerr! Jerr! Jerr!

Jerr: Welcome, audience, to the Jerr Quickfoot Show! Today, we'll meet cheating couples!

Rumar: I am not cheating! I'm just...er...practicing kissing! Yes practicing kissing!

We watched Priss and Tiana fight over Rumar. Honestly, was he worth the effort? Tiana died, and Priss and Rumar eloped. Funny, turns out they didn't have enough money due to some 'thief' pickpoketing them. Can you guess who the thief is?

I found some cool Gloves of Pick-Pocketing in the back. Then we saw the fight...

Now, I'm opposed to slavery. Why? Because it's cruel, and why should they have slaves if I don't!? Ok, I really don't want slaves, but I heard there's this cool dude in the back named Hendak who would like to kill L, and I'm itching to watch a fight that results in the death of L!

Hendak told us the only way to free him is to get a key from the Animal Trainer. Easy enough. I snuck in there through shadows while Anomen used his shield's innate abilities to protect from arrows. We killed Tabitha, and the Animal Trainer got mad because Tabitha was he and Roy's *only* tiger, so swore vengeance.

Anomen killed him, I keep getting a 'I like guys' vibe from Anomen by the way, and we grabbed the key.

I got a nifty new bow, the Tuigan Bow. 3 shots a round, not bad!

We freed Hendak and the slaves, and the traps I laid took care of the guards. We rushed over to the bar, where a guy hit on Edwina, and we had to hold her back because she almost killed him, and watched Hendak and L fight.

Can I just say something? Weak guy with dagger, no armor, and no chance versus Strong guy with two short swords, leather armor, and who would I bet on? I bet on Hendak.

Of course, Minsc sort of bet on L. He's not too happy, except that Hendak won of course.

Hendak asked us to free some more slaves, and we agreed. We rested, to memorize spells, then I drank three Potions of Master Thievery...and stole some choice items from the Bartender. I'll pay him back, when I have enough money to buy spells. Too bad I can't pick Ribald's pockets!

Nice addition [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

Thanks.

Chapter 7: Will Somebody Please Think Of The Children!?

As I said, we accepted a quest from Hendak to free more slaves, after he said, "Will somebody please think of the children!?" about forty times!!!

I was going to do it anyway, but he had to keep yelling. So we headed straight there. We went through the sewers and solved a riddle while we were there. Our reward...a talking sword that objects to the fact that the leader of the party is three feet tall! If Minsc didn't like Lilarcor so much, I'd melt the blade down for metal, portable latrines!

And talk about your mood-killer! Minsc and I were going to sneak up on some Slavers when the thing screams, "I love the smell of daisies in the morning!!!"

We killed the Slavers, then we saved the slaves. And all we got is a Bastard Sword, which no one in our group can use as of now!

Chapter 8: Umar Hell, Part 1

When we arrived in Umar Hills, we saw a meeting was taking place.

After much arguing, over whether it really was butter or margirin, we went and talked to the Mayor about the boy who asked us to come to Umar Hills, Delon.

Turns out they needed a hero, so we agreed to the job. As soon we accepted, though, the following exchange took place between the Mayor and Aerie:

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We all made a hasty exit, to avoid a fight ensuing. We asked some people about the murders. First we came to Daar, who kept telling us how he missed Colette, how Minsc's rippling muscles reminded him of Colette, and how Edwina's mustache reminded him of his lost love, Colette!

Then we came to some boys, who gave us 200 gold to buy them Baalor's Ale and Bastard Swords. I already had all of them so I gave it to them. I watered down the Ale, and the swords are blunt.

I replenished my supply of Baalor Ale by buying some from a local merchant.

We talked to Jermien, Colette's father. He wanted us to get him Mimic's Blood.

Then we talked to a little girl outside. She said she had seen monsters leaving the Ranger Meralla's cabin at night! Also, the night before she saw the Mayor of Immnesvale leave the cabin, but her parents didn't believe her.

We talked to some monsters, and agreed to get them the Mayor for a peace treaty, then we got the Mimic's Blood, saved Jermien's worthless butt, and conveniently at the last moment, Daar barges in screaming he'll save Colette!

Well, he and Colette left. Now off to the Temple Ruins...

Chapter 8: Umar Hell, Part 2:

As soon as we got to the Temple Ruins, some weird Werewolf started screaming thief at me and a Shadow Thief died! I'm used to hearing Thief thrown at me, but only if I've actually stolen something. So I lead the party in her cave to confront her on the matter.

Turns out she thought I was going to steal her vengeance. Anath kept ranting about how she'd get back at her Ex-Boyfriend, The Shade Lord, for cheating on her and managing to get child support of her children. We agreed to help her, if she'd sell us the rights to her story and we could make up some legendary epic of how we helped the Werewolf, Anath, kill the Shade Lord.

The plan was simple, I'd run in the temple area after using the sword Ibratha to cast Mirror Images, then while the Shades were attacking me Anomen and Aerie would cast Holy Smite while Anath waded in afterwards to defeat the remainder of the shades.

Unfortunately, they killed Anath and as soon as both Aerie and Anomen's Holy Smites killed the first swarm, a second swarm popped up out of nowhere!

Aerie quickly went to the mirror...to admire her beauty. No, you're supposed to turn it toward the Crystal's light and kill the bastards, not ogle yourself!

Ooops, sorry, was her reply.

As soon as the second swarm died, we went into the temple.

Inside, we encountered a halfling named Mazzy Fentan.

Aerie insisted we let her in the group, because she was tired of Jaheira never allowing Aerie to do her hair. Jaheira calmly explained (As calm as she can be when she's angry :D ) that her hairstyle was an art, and that a rank amateur such as Aerie would take centuries to master. Aerie started casting Magic Missile, while Jaheira began casting Insect Plague.

Edwina seemed to be enjoying their fight.

I told Aerie and Jaheira to calm down. That only lead to them turning their spells on me! I damn near died...

Anyway, Mazzy mentioned she wanted Justice for her fallen comrades, and Jaheira agreed that mazzy should join. So she volunteered to leave the group.

We bid a fond farewell to Jaheira (Aerie's not-so-fond, more like good riddance and don't let the bars hit your arse on the way out). The rest of the Dungeon was easy to clear.

The hard part was the Dragon. We all agreed, except for Edwina who had different reasons, that for the good of the realm we had to kill the Shadow Dragon. How to, though?

It took me three days to set the appropriate traps. (Each time I kept wondering how the bloody hell do you backstab a Dragon with a short sword?) Luckily the ward stone kept me invisible. Then, we went upstairs and summoned as many summons as possible. After that, Aerie cast Chant, Anomen Prot. from Evil 10' Radius, Mazzy Resist Fear, Minsc Bless, me Call Upon Holy Might, and Edwina cast haste.

We quickly attacked the Dragon with all of our combined might before he awoke and cast "Death Spell" on the summons. As he gloated about how he'd kill us, the traps set off and critically wounded him!

After the traps he must have cast a Stoneskin spell because our attacks kept being repelled. As soon as he'd kill one summon, Edwina cast another.

Finally, after five Wing Buffets, the damnable stoneskin wore off! Minsc and I worked quickly with our swords, hacking and slicing where we could. Anomen and Aerie emptied sling bullet after bullet at the monster!

Mazzy, was confused so couldn't participate.

In the end, we slew the Dragon. Minsc's sword thrust was the final blow. Quite a satisfying battle considering no one had Breach memorized.

[ 03-27-2004, 08:10 PM: Message edited by: Jerr Conner ]