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Tancred stops muttering to his sword (he has been for the past five minutes now), and looks up at the assembled company, somewhat embarassed.
"I'm sorry about this folks, I... I'm trying to get him to sing his song, he... come on, Karnas, sing that song!"
The sword makes drunk noises, occasionally snoring. After some muted but very sharp muttering on the part of the young Paladin, the sword lethargically replies, "Leave me alone... I'm a sword, not a cabaret..."
The paladin sighs. "He's not going to sing, folks. Sad, alas... this sword holds the soul of a powerful mage, who once held no allegiance; but he was defeated by a Paladin -"
The sword is suddenly very alert, ordering his bearer to be quiet, but the young Paladin will not back down.
"DEFEATED BY A PALADIN, I said, and bound within this sword, so that he could serve Goodness, protecting noble warriors from evil spells instead of frittering away his power and spending eternity in death. And he's having a tantrum right now, because he doesn't want to sing. Don't you think that's childish? What about yo-"
"ALRIGHT!!!" The sword screams fury at its' bearer. "Just because I've protected you from spells in the past doesn't mean I HAVE to, holy-boy!"
The paladin grins at the gathering. "Does that mean you're going to sing?"
The sword - which, the company assumes, can't see the Paladin's triumphant smile - grudgingly agrees.
"Ahemhemhem. Get me another drink first. Right. Now, what were the words..."

***

(sung to the tune of 'Camoflage'

'I was a Squire-in-arms, a Militiaman
Of the noble Radiant Heart
Fightin' the Sythsillian War of 1203
Last survivor of the Warhost, scared and on the run
I could hear the Orcish hosts were huntin' me
Just then I heard a twig snap, and I grabbed my broken sword
I made my peace, prepared to meet my fate
And then a Paladin, a hero with a pair of burning eyes
Appeared there just before me and cried "WAIT!"
When he came close he said to me, "Fear not Squire, I am here,
If the Orcs try to hunt us down they'll have two to kill!"
I said "Well, thank'ee, sire," I told him my name and asked him his
And he said "They always call me the Child of Bhaal!"

Woah-Hoah-Oah-Hoah, Child of Bhaal,
Chaos always follows in his wake!
Woah-Hoah-Oah-Hoah, Child of Bhaal,
His heart and faith prove Evil's great mistake!

Well, we fought all night, side by side, and we carved our own path home
Though I feared the Orcs would cut my sire down dead
'Cos they seemed to strike him, strike him true, but he never showed no pain
And at dawn's first light we took our chance and fled!
It was near a riverbank when an ambush leapt on top of us
I thought it was the end, and we were had!
An arrow with my name on came buzzing from a nearby bush
But that Paladin, he just swatted it with his hand!
(Just like it was a fly!)

Woah-Hoah-Oah-Hoah, Child of Bhaal,
Chaos always follows in his wake!
Woah-Hoah-Oah-Hoah, Child of Bhaal,
His heart and faith prove Evil's great mistake!

(And I knew there was something weird about him... 'cos when I turned around, he was pulling a sword straight from his bloody chest and carved them Orcs up with it... from here to who knows what Hell!)

Well, he led me to Athkatla, I turned to wave goodbye
He just winked at me from the gates and then was gone!
When I got back to the Order, I told them about my flight
And the battle I fought with a Paladin called the Child of Bhaal.
When I said his name, the knights all gulped, and the Prelate took my arm
And led me to the sacred Order's hearth
He said "Squire, I believe you, but Bhaal is an evil God
And his Children are sworn to aid his dark rebirth."
(In fact, we are sworn to hunt them down!)
But before he went, he said, "If this is true, it brings me nought but hope,
If the Spawn of Darkness can truly fight that fall...
I hereby dub thee Paladin, for thy deeds speak of a Destiny to come..."
And we both said a prayer for that wanderer, the Child of Bhaal!

Woah-Hoah-Oah-Hoah, Child of Bhaal,
Chaos always follows in his wake!
Woah-Hoah-Oah-Hoah, Child of Bhaal,
His heart and faith prove Evil's great mistake!

Woah-Hoah-Oah-Hoah, Child of Bhaal,
Chaos always follows in his wake!
Woah-Hoah-Oah-Hoah, Child of Bhaal,
He fights his own dark soul for goodness' sake!'

***

The sword finishes. The Paladin has tears in his eyes, and a great smile on his face.
"Ah... I have never forgotten that night."
"You owe me a drink, holy boy."
"Be quiet and we'll see."

Tancred

[This message has been edited by Tancred (edited 05-02-2001).]